Choosing the cat over the Cardinals

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People like animals, often for reasons beyond the fathoming of normal folks.
 
Thus, you are allowed to be amused and disgusted simultaneously the news that Rally Cat, the feral kitten who disrupted a St. Louis Cardinals game and then allowed the Cardinals to win it, has been in the middle of a custody battle and has finally lawyered up.
 
Or, more specifically, been lawyered up on its own behalf.
 
The St. Louis Feral Cat Outreach, which has resisted the Cardinals’ attempts to appropriate the cat for its own nefarious marketing schemes, has gone to court to fight for the cat’s right to be owned by someone other than the Cardinals.
 
Me? I side with the cat. If only I knew what the cat wanted.
 
To date, there have been no discovery motions made by the cat, no quotes from the cat, no appeals from the cat to be adopted by someone who will not then turn the cat over against its will to either the Cardinals or the Outreach people.
 
And until I learn that, I side with the cat.
 
For one, nobody knows if the cat liked being feral; it’s not a choice I would make, but I’ve never been a cat. For two, the Cardinals have always been a bit too weighty for their britches, and being able to appropriate cats must surely be beyond their purview. For three, the lawyer, a guy named Albert Watkins who was described by Deadspin as “media friendly,” seems like the sort of person who would not be averse to using the cat for his own marketing ends.
 
So I wait for the cat. Maybe there’s a cat whisperer out there who can decipher the context and inflections of what seems to us to be your standard plaintive meow, someone who can show us that the cat is capable of  thoughts as complex as, “WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WITH A LAWYER? I CAN’T PAY A LAWYER! PLUS, I DON’T HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT BASEBALL IS EXCEPT THAT IT’S LOUD AND PEOPLE SPILL BEER ON ME. SCREW BASEBALL!”
 
In the meantime, I await the A’s trying to claim eminent domain on an ocelot – just because at this point of another bygone season, even weird publicity beats none at all.

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