Jonny Gomes wins un-politically correct MVP of Royals parade

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Dusty Baker just learned that his desire to manage again is greater than the market’s ability to gauge his value.

By taking the Washington Nationals job for less security and money than is not only typical for most entry-level managers, let alone Bud Black, Baker showed how much he wants to get back and finish the job he nearly closed in San Francisco and Chicago. It could be that he misses it too much (probably), that he doesn’t want Scott Spiezio and Steve Bartman to control his legacy (maybe) or that he looks at Bryce Harper and says, “I did a decade of pre-mellow Barry Bonds – how hard can this be?”

But he’ll find out what he found out in San Francisco – that a loyal front office that worries less about what credit you get or how much money you’re paid is a gift from heaven, and that everything else doesn’t matter.

Oh, and that broadcasting, like trout, will always be there.

[RELATED: Nationals hire Dusty Baker as manager]

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Speaking of trout, Jim Irsay, who owns the Indianapolis Colts, retweeted a link to his own team’s press release announcing the sacrificing of offensive coordinator Pep Hamilton to the needs of head coach Chuck Pagano and general manager Ryan Grigson with the legend “Personnel change.” This is the overinvolved version of Jed York’s “I don’t want to talk football during the season” publicity dodge, and as a result, both men are wrong for all the perfect sons-of-the-wealthy reasons. One craves media attention, the other found out what the backdraft feels like.

Either way, they look ridiculous. And either way, the Lions still smell far worse than either the Colts or 49ers.

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I don’t care what methodology the college football playoff committee uses to explain its rankings, because they’re mostly the same ones sportswriters get slagged for using in the meaningless Associated Press poll. In other words, it’s all made up, and the top four earners will go to the playoffs.

Unless Notre Dame does something stupid. For the sake of Toledo’s right to dream, let’s hope it’s soon.

[RELATED: Clemson atop first 2015 CFP ranking]

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This is what Jonny Gomes said at the Kansas City Royals World Series parade (attended by twice as many people as actually live in Kansas City, meaning that for the first time ever there was no lunch line at Oklahoma Joe’s) while holding an American flag for those revelers who thought they had been transplanted overnight by alien whim to Belgium:

“It’s unbelievable what those boys did,” Gomes said. “It’s unbelievable what they did! It’s unbelievable what they did! They stole bases, they hit homers. Hey guess what, Cy Young winner, not on our team, beat him. Rookie of the year, not on our team, we beat him. MVP of the whole league, (turns around) sorry guys, not on our team. But we beat that guy too! You know why we beat them. Because all of you all people had our backs. And Dayton Moore put this team together and (Ned) Yost delivered it by being the captain of the ship. You all want to be politically correct, I’m the un-politically correct person. We whooped their ass!”

Now find the un-politically correct thing in that paragraph. I’ll give you just 63 years.

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He also asked for people to remember the parents of Chris Young, Mike Moustakas and Edinson Volquez, all of whom passed. That was also not politically incorrect. In fact, it was, like the rest of his speech, toned perfectly, so perhaps he could stop pretending he’s Leon Trotsky in Red Square.

Now THAT’s politically incorrect.

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Speaking of politically incorrect, not to mention illegal, revolting and sadistic, this next item comes from Iasi, Romania, where Liviu Petrache, coach of an under-17 soccer team, was fired for the relatively minor offense of kicking and beating one of his players for seeking out tolerable food for his teammates the night before a match.

And you know how intolerable the food was that the players had originally been given at the bed and breakfast at which they were staying? They snuck out to get McDonalds, that’s how bad.

“The night before we were due to play, we were put up in a bed and breakfast,” the victim said. “None of us had anything to eat because the food there was so awful, and in the night we were hungry so we sneaked out on foot to the (McDonalds) restaurant and bought something.”

Once again, one man’s Happy Meal is another man’s trip to jail.

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Forgotten in the hoop-de-crap surrounding Matt Kenseth deliberately wrecking Joey Logano’s car at Martinsville (and Kenseth’s subsequent two-race suspension) was the news that the equally maniacal Danica Patrick was deducted points and fined for deliberately running into David Gilliland during a caution.

This sounds like a sport worth watching – from a very safe distance. No need getting a carburetor through your sternum just because some trackside yob likes his (or her) revenge at 180 mph.

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Stephen Curry’s Christmas jersey (yeah, there are going to be special Christmas jerseys again for the 10 teams playing that day) is already the biggest seller in adidas’ line, even though the uniform is pretty ordinary. It just shows how spectacularly Curry has become America’s new flavor, and how many people believe him to be this society’s grandest new human exemplar.

And, frankly, it also shows how many people will be devastated if he ever decides to hold up a laundromat.

[RELATED: With 4-0 Clippers up next, Warriors ready for first real test]

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And finally, the Edmonton Oilers are the unluckiest bad team on earth. Their latest savior, Connor McDavid is out “long-term” according to head coach Todd McLellan with an upper-body injury that is probably a shoulder.

On the other hand, your favorite team hasn’t fired its coach in a whole day. Not so fast there, Nashville and Indianapolis.

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