Patriots

11 New Year's resolutions in the sports world for 2011

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11 New Year's resolutions in the sports world for 2011

By Mary Paoletti and Adam Hart
CSNNE.com

Here are the sports world resolutions that were told to Wicked Good Sports on this New Year's Eve day. Enjoy the holiday, everyone!

BRETT FAVRE
I'm really retiring this year guys. For real. Honest. But that's not my resolution. My resolution is I'll be purchasing the local NBC affiliate near Hattiesburg, Mississippi. The call letters will now be WDBDT (What Did Brett Do Today?). Charmed the FCC into letting me have five letters. Does that impress you Miss Reporter Lady? . . . No?

Anyway, the local six p.m. newscast'll be thirty minutes of the most-interesting TV in the country:

Brett Favre has set the record for most uninterrupted time on a ride-on mower, spending eight hours on Bessy today -- WDBDT caught up with him . . .Brett Favre has declared today State Quarterback Day; Mississippi residents are asked to honor the quarterback in their lives by preparing a bounty of text messages . . .Brett Favre threw passes at Oak Grove High School today, but he seemed wishy-washy on if this means he'll be returning to the NFL for yet another amazing season . . .

It's a rule every sentence must start with "Brett Favre." Knew that'd put a smile on your face.

UCONN WOMEN'S BASKETBALL TEAM
Geno Auriemma, here, speaking on behalf of the most dominant women's college program of all time. Our team resolution is to never lose again. Ever. Stanford did end our record 90-game win streak on Thursday night, but like I said, I'm not destroyed about it. Why? Because winning that many games in a row is ridiculous. It was getting so crazy that I decided to let the Cardinals win the game. I was actually getting bored with winning all the time.

None of you probably noticed but during games I was usually reciting the Italian alphabet in my head or trying to think of new ways to make my chicken parm more exciting and flavorful. Letting Stanford end the greatest win streak in not-men's sports was the kick in the ass I needed to wake up and get back to coaching, know what I mean? I'm going to make the girls clean every toilet on campus on New Years Eve and then we're going to start working on being boringly awesome again. Salud!
BUD SELIG
Since my contract runs out after 2012, I need to lay the groundwork for tricking MLB owners into giving me another extension. I will be the first MLB Commissioner to commission from beyond the grave -- it's inevitable . . . Eeeexxccellent.

TOM BRADY
A 13-2 team. Setting records on a weekly basis. Supermodel wife. I've got to take a step back, and that's what I'm looking to do in 2011. Maybe tone it down to 50 charitable events, no new genetically perfect children and put a hard cap on how many dogs in New England can be named Brady; let's sprinkle some Bennys, Deions and Logans in there. Oh, and I swear I'm only saving 15 cats from trees this year. I don't like it anymore than you, but one man can only do so much.

RANDY MOSS
In 2011 I'll shed these loser teams and rejoin the Patriots. Don't get it twisted, this ain't me crawling back like a dog. Sure, I miss 'em -- especially Woody. But they'll be begging me to come back; you know Deion Branch can't hold the Earf on his shoulders.

TIGER WOODS
Good afternoon. And thank you for joining me as I make my New Year's resolution public. Many of you reading this probably hate me. Many of you reading this don't actually know me. Many of you have booed me, or made fun of me, a few have begged, "Tell me how to get mad booty!", and now, every one of you has good reason to listen to me now and blog about it later. I want to say to each of you, simply, and directly, I am deeply loving being single and will never get married again.

I know people want to find out how I could be so amazing at picking up chicks. People want to know how I could have gotten tied down with Elin and been father to some children when I could be raiding the world of the hottest women out there. And while I have always tried to be a private person, there are some things I want to say. So Nike and I have put together an instructional video, called "The Art of Macking: How I Get it Done." It is my resolution to get even more dollars and even more ladies in 2011. And some golf stuff, I guess. Watch me now!

LEBRON JAMES
BronBron's resolution for 2011? To un-contract my full basketball potential. I feel that the The Decision contracted my attention on The Game of Basketball. I need to fix that. While me, Bosh and D-Wade have started de-contracting people's expectations for the Miami Heat already, we still have a ways to go. This is why I plan to work even harder in the new year at contracting distractions, embracing the non-contraction of our new team chemistry, and stop fighting the contractualization of my supporters. Haters only gon' make me better. Contraction.

MICHAEL VICK
I will not get violent retribution on a bowtie-less Tucker Carlson, who said on TV I should have been executed for dog fighting. I am totally reformed and in no way will chain Tucker Carlson to a fence without food and water. I certainly will not beat Tucker Carlson with a switch for losing a fight saying those things about me. I am reformed in 2010, and 2011 will be no different.

THE VUVUZELA
BZZZZZZZZZZ! Naw, I'm just kiddin'. Life has been interesting since the 2010 World Cup in South Africa. I've certainly gotten a lot of attention since then but it's been something of a mixed bag. Is it good that a wave of vuvuzela awareness has spread across the world? Absolutely. Is the criticism sometimes a little hard on my plastic soul, though? Yes, it is. A couple bans cropped up.... (All sporting events at the Cardiff City, SWALEC and Millennium Stadiums, Wimbledon, Melbourne Cricket Ground, Yankee Stadium, Fuji Rock Festival, Southeastern Conference of NCAA sports, UFC events, Gaelic Athletic Association events, 2010 Little League World Series, UEFA -- including all Champions League, Europa League and Euro 2012 events-- 2011 Rugby World Cup, Atlanta Thrashers home games, Kontinental Hockey League, 2010 FIBA World Championship and other hoops tourneys from then on, the entire NFL).

Yeah. That was a bit of a dark period for me. The Gaelic Athletic Association thing was particularly tough because my Ma's Scottish. But I'm resolving to keep positive. Here's to 2011 -- The Year of the Vuvuzela!

REX RYAN
Look, I've got nothing to apologize for. I like feet. Is that a crime? I defy you to say my wife's toes aren't the hottest toes you've ever seen in your life. I mean, look at the pedicure! . . . I'm getting all flustered. This better not ruin snack time.

That's how you do a revolution sic, right?

STEVEN STAMKOS
Resolution? Man, I don't know. Can I resolve to be any more awesome? I guess, but I'm pretty amazing as it is. Ho'! Don't you take that for cockiness. It's just stating facts. Here I am, an NHL phenom at 20 years old. My 31 goals and 56 points might sit behind Crosby's on the offensive leaders chart (32G, 65P), but he's barely ahead, and with three years of life on me!

Plus, I'm taller. Everybody knows that tall people are more successful in life and produce better babies. Oh, and Crosby shoots lefty. Lefties think they're special but that's just a lie parents tell them so they don't realize that they're actually weird social outcasts. So maybe I'll resolve to be nicer to Sid because he's gotta be hurting today. While his point streak ends and he has to part with that dirty filthstache of his, I'm doing stuff like this:

Patriots-Falcons practice report: Gilmore (concussion/ankle) still out with Falcons, Jones on deck

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Patriots-Falcons practice report: Gilmore (concussion/ankle) still out with Falcons, Jones on deck

FOXBORO -- The Patriots are looking thin in the secondary as they head into their third and final day of practice before Sunday's matchup with the Falcons. 

Both Stephon Gilmore (concussion/ankle) and Eric Rowe (groin) sat out the session, as did linebacker Elandon Roberts (ankle). Undrafted rookie defensive end Harvey Langi was also a non-participant as he recovers from injuries sustained in a car crash last week. 

Asked if Friday's practice was a possibility, Gilmore said, "We'll see." He did not give any indications that his symptoms had improved or that he had been cleared for practice as he works through the league's concussion protocol. 

Rowe was spotted in the locker room on Thursday, but he has not practiced since aggravating his groin injury in Week 4. He was injured initially during a Week 2 win over the Saints. 

Roberts suffered an ankle injury when teammate Alan Branch landed on his lower leg during a loss to the Panthers in Week 4. However, he was healthy enough to play in Weeks 5 and 6. It's unclear as to whether or not his current ailment is related to what knocked him from that Week 4 loss to Carolina. 

Here is Thursday's practice participation/injury report for Sunday's game between the Patriots and Falcons:

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS

DID NOT PARTICIPATE
CB Stephon Gilmore (concussion/ankle)
LB Harvey Langi (back)
LB Elandon Roberts (ankle)
CB Eric Rowe (groin)

LIMITED PARTICIPATION
RB Rex Burkhead (ribs)
WR Chris Hogan (ribs)
G Shaq Mason (shoulder)

ATLANTA FALCONS

DID NOT PARTICIPATE
LB Jordan Tripp

LIMITED PARTICIPATION
OLB Vic Beasley Jr. (hamstring)
K Matt Bryant (back)
LB Jermaine Grace (hamstring)
LB Deion Jones (quadricep)
DE Takk McKinley (shoulder)
LB Duke Riley (knee)
WR Mohamed Sanu (hamstring)
DL Courtney Upshaw (ankle/knee)

Agent doesn't expect Gordon Hayward to return this season, but foresees full recovery

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Agent doesn't expect Gordon Hayward to return this season, but foresees full recovery

PHILADELPHIA --  Only hours removed from surgery to repair a dislocated left ankle and fractured fibia injury, Gordon Hayward’s agent tells NBC Sports Boston that his client is already attacking the rehab process.
 
“We expect him to have a full recovery,” agent Mark Bartelstein said via phone Thursday.
 
That said, Bartelstein also noted that it’s unlikely that the 6-foot-8 forward will return to action this season.
 
“We don’t have a timetable or anything like that for him,” Bartelstein said. “It’s about getting better, healthier every day.”
 
The Celtics released a statement Thursday afternoon indicating Hayward underwent successful “bony and ligamentous stabilization surgery for the fracture dislocation of his left ankle.”
 
Performing the surgery was Drs. Mark Slovenkai and Brian McKeon at New England Baptist Hospital, with Dr. Anthony Schena assisting followed by consultations with Dr. David Porter of Methodist Sports Medicine in Indianapolis.
 
Hayward suffered the injury in the first quarter of Boston’s 102-99 loss at Cleveland on Tuesday when he was attempting to catch a lob pass from Kyrie Irving.
 
On the play, Hayward landed awkwardly on his ankle, which contorted in a way where it was clear immediately that he would be out of action for a significant amount of time.
 
Since the injury, Hayward has received an amazing amount of outpouring of well-wishes and prayers from Kobe Bryant, Julian Edelman, Rob Gronkowski and a cast of other current and former athletes. Both Edelman and Gronkowski know all too well about the challenges associated with returning to play after an injury.
 
"Go into rehab just like you go into anything else: dominate it," Gronkowski said. "Come back when you feel ready. Come back when you’re 100 percent. He wouldn’t be where he is now if he wasn’t a hard worker.”
 
And then there are the Celtics fans, whose support has been impressive.
 
Hayward delivered a pre-recorded message to the fans at the TD Garden that was aired on the Jumbotron high above half court prior to Wednesday night’s game against Milwaukee. Even after the video ended, there was no escaping Hayward’s presence was still very much in the building and on the minds of fans.
 
At one point in the 108-100 Celtics loss on Wednesday, Boston fans began a “Gor-don Hay-ward!” chant that soon swept its way throughout the TD Garden.
 
“It has been a bit overwhelming the amount of support that Gordon has received,” Bartelstein said. “It touched him in so many ways. The outpouring he got, certainly all the fans in the arena last night, from players around the league … it meant the world to him. And obviously, going through something like this, it’s devastating. So, to see so many reach out to him, it means the world to him and his family; there’s no doubt about it.”