By Jon Fucile
WickedGoodSports.com
Now that Theo Epstein and Terry Francona have moved on the Red Sox are trying to move on themselves by selecting a new manager. Names like Bobby Valentine and Joe Maddon have been tossed around, but neither made the list of supposed final candidates. WGS reporters managed to grab the list from the Red Sox and here is the best of the best that they are considering.
Duff Man
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Duff Man is all about relaxing, not caring, and getting down and funky with the ladies. Sure, Lackey seems to hate ladies, especially if they are his wife and are sick, but were sure hell find a way to fit in.
Charlie Sheen
After such a disappointing season and all the resulting controversy the Sox might be looking to make a splash. The Red Sox used to like to win and party and no one likes to party and win like Charlie Sheen!
But, really, if Sheen is around no one will notice that the team sucks.
The Spirit of Macho Man Randy Savage
How is it that Macho Man made his living dropping elbows and was all goosed up on steroids and never complained about this elbow, but pitchers are getting Tommy John surgery every day? It is like pitchers use the surgery as an excuse for a poor season. "Oh no! I sucked! Gotta get Tommy John Surgery dudes!"
Not on Macho Mans watch!
Quite frankly, the Sox could use a little of his enthusiasm and willingness to snap into things!
Jillian Michaels
Nobody likes her and that is exactly what this undisciplined bunch of fatties need. Get in shape for Orrs sake!
You guys are supposed to be athletes. If we wanted to watch a bunch of out of shape, disgusting, over paid pigs wed go watch Real Housewives of Orange County. Plus wed really love to see her make the bullpen cry. She is crazy. (Dont tell her we said that.)
Popeye the Sailorman!
This one is self explanatory, though we think the Red Sox might be confused about the restaurant chain.
Ghost of Ted Williams
At least hes got his head on straight.
Hiyo!
...Sorry.