Patriots

Barry Bonds is back!

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Barry Bonds is back!

BY Jon Fucile
WickedGoodSports.com

So youre at work, perusing some sport sites to avoid work at all costs when a headline catches your eye.

Barry Bonds due in court.

Wait what? Really!?

Barry Bonds is back in the news. Yup. Barry Bonds. You know, that guy that refused he did steroids even though there's a ton of evidence pointing the other way.

You see, Bonds is due back in court on multiple charges, including perjury. Yeah, instead of spending that time and money going after drug dealers or child molesters or buying a new ping pong table, the government is spending money charging Bonds for lying about steroids. If they were going to charge every baseball player that lied about doing steroids they'd be charging about 95 of players that played in the 90s.

Unfortunately for Bonds he told his lies before Congress and now they're super mad at him. I'm sure putting Bonds behind bars where he can't hurt anyone with his hurtful untruths will sure show him! They must be really bored in Washington D.C. if they're still wasting time with this.

Politicians lie before congress every day so it is kind of hypocritical of them to get all bitter and angry about Barry, but isnt that what congress is all about? Should be an entertaining trial!

Here's how we see it going down....

Stupid lawyer: Your honor, Barry Bands is a stupid dummy liar pants!

Judge: Obviously. Why are you wasting my time with this?

Stupid lawyer: Let me show you and the jury here some evidence your honor

Judge: No really, that isnt necessary were just wasting time and money here he obvio.

Judge: Definitely more muscle tone than Oprah, but I see your point. Can we just stop this now and.

Stupid lawyer: Id like to call a witness! I have some dude who worked with the Giants and has photographic evidence of how Bonds would inject steroids before every game!

Judge: Keep talking, Im just going to play some Xbox

Stupid lawyer: Mr. Steroid Expert, please show the court the pictures you took of Bonds in the Giants clubhouse.

Mr. Steroid Expert: As you can see here, Barry strapped a small device to his back that would pump heavy doses of steroids directly into his blood stream.

Stupid lawyer: And how would Barry react after using the machine?

Mr. Steroid Expert: Well first hed hit 7-12 homeruns and then.well, hed fly into a rage and destroy down town San Francisco. My assistant will play the video.

Judge: That just looks like a scene from Godzil.

Stupid lawyer: I know! Bonds is a monster! Id now like to call Liar McLiarpants to the stand!

Liar Mc Barry Bonds: Hey guys, what is going on? Sorry Im late, I had trouble fitting my head through the courtroom doors.

Stupid lawyer: Mr. Bonds, is it true youre an awful, awful cheater whose records should be stricken from the books and you should be tossed in jail with murderers, bank robbers and other terrible people!?

Barry Bonds: I dont like your tone.

Stupid lawyer: Confess! Confess you big headed jerk! NOW!

Barry Bonds: Youre making me angry.you wouldnt like me when Im angry.

Stupid lawyer: No. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ROID RAGE!

Wow that ended poorly.

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL: Wentz tosses 4 TDs, Eagles beat Redskins, 34-24

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MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL: Wentz tosses 4 TDs, Eagles beat Redskins, 34-24

PHILADELPHIA - Carson Wentz tossed four touchdown passes, and the Philadelphia Eagles overcame losing nine-time Pro Bowl left tackle Jason Peters in a 34-24 win over the Washington Redskins on Monday night.

Wentz threw for 268 yards and ran for a career-best 63 after a shaky start to lead the NFL-best Eagles (6-1) to their fifth straight win. But the victory was costly because Peters was carted off the field with a knee injury in the third quarter.

Kirk Cousins had 303 yards passing and three TDs for the Redskins (3-3).

The Eagles went three-and-out three times in their first four drives and had only 57 total yards before Wentz hit Mack Hollins in stride with a perfect 64-yard TD pass to tie it at 10.

That got the offense rolling.

Wentz connected with Zach Ertz for 46 yards on the next series and found him again for a 4-yard TD pass to make it 17-10.

After getting the second-half kickoff, the Eagles drove 86 yards for another touchdown. Peters was injured during the series, and fans chanted his name while teammates surrounded the cart.

Wentz finished the drive off with a play that Peters would appreciate.

While being hit by two defenders and falling forward, Wentz lofted a 9-yard TD pass to Corey Clement.

Wentz fired a 10-yard TD pass to Nelson Agholor to expand the lead to 31-17. Wentz kept that drive alive by escaping a sack and running 17 yards on third-and-8.

Cousins tossed a 7-yard touchdown pass to Chris Thompson to give the Redskins a 10-3 lead. He connected with Jordan Reed on a 5-yard TD to cut the deficit to 24-17 and threw a 12-yard pass to Reed to cap the scoring.

The Eagles were penalized on four straight plays to start their first possession before Wentz was intercepted by Quinton Dunbar on a deep pass to Torrey Smith on second-and-31.

Philadelphia swept Washington for the first time since 2013 and has a commanding lead in the NFC East. The Cowboys and Redskins are tied for second place.

NBC SPORTS BOSTON SCHEDULE

BOSTON SPORTS TONIGHT PODCAST: Are Patriots' defensive problems solved?

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BOSTON SPORTS TONIGHT PODCAST: Are Patriots' defensive problems solved?

0:41 - Tom Giles, Michael Holley, and Tom Curran react to the Patriots’ 23-7 win over the Falcons on Sunday night and whether the Patriots deserve to be considered Super Bowl favorites.

6:09 - Is Johnson Bademosi an upgrade over Stephon Gilmore at cornerback for the Patriots? Michael Hurley joins BST to debate with Tom Curran, Michael Holley, and Kayce Smith. They also discuss the defense’s overall improvement in Sunday night’s win.

14:37 - NBC Sports Boston’s Red Sox insider Evan Drellich joins the show to talk about the Red Sox hiring Alex Cora to be their new manager, whether it was the right choice, and how his presence will affect the Red Sox clubhouse.

22:14 - Kayce Smith and Tom Curran discuss Kyrie Irving’s vulgar response to a Philadelphia fan yelling “Where’s LeBron?” at him on Friday night.

NBC SPORTS BOSTON SCHEDULE