By Adam Hart
CSNNE.com
Chad Ochocinco wants to join forces with Bill Belichick. Maybe. This tweet isn't all that detailed. But the inference is there:
"PePe and Bill EPIC."
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Epic, like The Iliad and The Odyssey, right? But people don't write epic poems anymore. People make epic TV shows. And what better model than the T.Ocho show:
The Beli-Ocho Show
Belichick: . . . Offense. Defense. Special Teams.
Ochocinco: Aw, c'mon, Bill. Nobody cares about boring answers like that. How 'bout, "Somebody tell Revis I'mma drop a No. 2 on his island -- a flyover."
Belichick: Benched.
The Brady-Ocho Show
Ochocinco: Tommy, tell me how you bagged such a fine wife?
Brady: I can't take all the credit. It was a total team effort. Everyone just did their job. Really proud of the work the guys put in to make this happen. It was tough competition, but we played well as a team to accomplish our goal.
Ochocinco: Zzzzz . . .
The BenJarvus Green-Ellis-Ocho Show
This might have a hard time catching on.
The Moss-Ocho Show
Moss: After leaving Tommyboy, I learned I can fit more than just the Earf on my shoulders. Because the Earf is a winning planet. I can fit Neptune and Pluto on there, too . . . Don't get it twisted; I don't want to carry them. They're loser planets, like the Vikings and Titans.
Ochocinco: And the Bengals! Preach on, astronomer!
Moss: The Patriots are the Earf. I want the Earf back. Give me the Earf.
The Rookie-Ocho Show
Only way this'll work is if the Patriots land Iowa defensive end Adrian Clayborn, a bona fide tough guy. The first sign of Ochocinco getting out of line, and he'll have two monstrous hands around his collar, as this Wisconsin fullback learned:
The Mesk-Ocho Show
Mesko: I speak several different languages.
Ochocinco: I changed my last name to my number -- in Spanish.
Mesko: You realize it means, literally, "eight five?" Not 85.
Ochocinco: Yeah, somebody told me that or something. But Ochenta y Cinco isn't all that cool, is it?
Mesko: Mutters Nu, dar nici nu esti.
The Hernand-Ocho Show
Ochocinco: Look, man. My last name pretty much means I need to wear number 85.
Hernandez: And my last name pretty much means I don't care.
Ochocinco: C'mon, man. No, it doesn't. I had someone look it up; it means "Son of a bold voyager."
Hernandez: Whatever, you're still not getting my number.
The Woody-Ocho Show
Ochocinco: Hey! Where'd my co-host go?! Woody? Oh, Woooooooddddyyyy?
Woodhead: Chad, I'm right here. You've been using the same joke every week. I get it: I'm short.
Ochocinco: Hahahaha. Gets funnier every time.
The Ocho-Weather Show
(contingent on the Patriots actually bringing back The Great Misser of Tackles)
Meriweather: So what, um, do we do on this show, ac' like lit'l kids?
Ochocinco: Exactly.
Meriweather: Perfect. On Halloween can we go to a hunted house?
Ochocinco: Already bought the tickets.
Meriweather: Can I wear this hat? Dons on this fashionable cap.
Ochocinco: You have one, too?!
We have a winner.