By Justin Aucoin
You may not have known this but on Sunday Boston added yet another championship trophy to its award case. You may not have known this because 1) you lost power or 2) you dont follow professional lacrosse.
But on Sunday the Boston Cannons brought home its first Major League Lacrosse (MLL) title after an impressive 10-9 victory over the Hamilton Nationals.
We know the Steinfeld Cup wont be too lonely in its new home, though we are curious as to why its called a cup when its more like a spoon.
With the Bruins having brought home Lord Stanley we can only imagine the anti-Boston backlash will be stronger than ever. And since the Boston haters are always looking for new reasons to hate on this fine city, weve decided to help them out.
Here are other titles Boston have won over the past year.
Best at being worst dressed
Thats right. It takes a lot of effort and a huge population of hipsters to be named GQs best at not being able to dress well.
Boston is like America's Bad-Taste Storm Sewer: all the worst fashion ideas from across the country flow there, stagnate, and putrefy. To be fair, it's hard to be a fashion capital when half of your population is made up of undergraduate hoodie monsters, including those unfortunate coeds who don't realize that leggings-as-pants were supposed to be paired with tops large enough to conceal their cameltoes.
Damn straight. And thats just the Patriots.
We suck at dressing ourselves and dont you forget that America. If you have a problem with it, well, click on
Best at being meanies
A pair of University of Michigan psychologists named Boston the U.Ss meanest city. Boston residents instantly gave said psychologists atomic-wedgies and stuffed them in their lockers for being nerds.
Mayor Mumbles on the findings:
"I think look at here today, everybody's friendly here," said Mayor Tom Menino. "I go to all the events in the city of Boston. People say, Gee what a friendly city. Ask the cab drivers. They think we have a friendly city also. I don't know who did this poll. I never heard of it. It's one of those polls that some people I don't think there's any credibility in it at all."
First off, I dont think cabbies are a reputable bunch to call upon for character witnesses. Secondly, unless Menino met folks from the movie Pleasantville, no way in hell anyone in Boston said Gee, what a friendly city. Were pretty sure there were a few carefully placed f-bombs thrown in there. Thirdly, the folks who came up with this poll probably were Canadiens fans.
1 digital city in America
Little known title Boston took in last November were wire(less)ed up the wazoo. Said Mumbles:
I am proud of the way that we are using technology to make government more accessible to Bostons residents, businesses and visitors, said Mayor Menino. This recognition is an honor for the Department of Innovation and Technology and the entire City of Boston.
How did we become so technologically advanced? Its simple. We found the Borg.
We just hope this doesnt backfire.
Most innovative city in the world
Thats right. Boston is so awesome were even better than cities in other countries. Via Smartplanet.org:
Inits latest index, Australian analyst firm2thinknowsays Beantown leads the world in relative performance in the global innovation economy. That means the citys actions to facilitate the growth of new industries are opening up a better economic opportunity for talent.
So next time someone complains about Boston being a bunch of educated, liberal northeast elitists be sure to tell them to 1) Suck it and 2) Yea, well, were helping the economy by creating new economic opportunity so, suck it.
Second most pot friendly city
OK, so we cant win them all.
But when your pro-weed group is led by a bunch of potheads, do you really expect to get the type of political pull it takes to win such a title?
So with all these titles Bostons bringing in we have just one thing to say:
Your move Boston Blazers.