By Mary Paoletti
Antonio Cromartie and Matt Hasselbeck are fighting.
Well, kind of.
They've actually got more of a he saidhe said thing going on Twitter right now.
While several people are blowing this and similar arguments out of proportion, I'm more of the mind that the whole thing is painfully dumb.
It's a Twitter fight. It is name-calling... on Twitter.
Yeah, Matt, Cromartie did call the union leaders "aholes," but he calls everybody aholes. He probably thinks his mom is an ahole. That daughter whose name he couldn't remember? Ahole: her name is Ahole Cromartie.
I'm pretty sure that he doesn't even know what the word means, he just heard someone else use it. Kind of like "CBA". You're right that Cro doesn't understand the term. But why even dive into that list? It's runs too deep.
Just don't engage.
But if you choose not to take my advice and tweet-fight anyway, at least take Cromartie's advice and be a man about the situation. Does that mean mounting and trying to impregnate it? No, that doesn't even make sense. It means that you shouldn't back down once you've shoved a guy; don't delete your tweets. I'd even take the thing a step further.
Yup, holster your iPhone, kiss your wife andor baby mamas goodbye, and take it outside. I probably solve 90 of my own conflicts by proposing a fist fight. Sometimes, I even try to solve other people's problems by offering to throw down for them.
One of a few things usually happens.
1) My opponent, after carefully evaluating my obvious lack of physical strength, becomes so confused that the conflict is dropped. I win.
2) My opponent, after carefully evaluating my obvious lack of physical strength, assumes I'm crazy and the conflict is dropped. I win.
3) My opponent, after carefully evaluating my obvious lack of physical strength, assumes I'm kidding and starts to laugh. I win.
4) My opponent agrees to brawl. Turns out, my obvious lack of physical strength only hides my wily scrappiness. The conflict ends because I kick ass and win.
No. 4 has never actually happened, but I can only assume that I'm right about the outcome. (If you don't agree, we can fight about it. With our fists.)
Hasselbeck should have challenged Cromartie in the same way. My guess is that a combination of the first three on my list would have happened as a result. Either way, it would have been better than this back-pedaling, passive (then) aggressive nonsense that's clogging up my tweet stream.
Point goes to hockey.