By Jon Fucile
If theres one man you dont want to make angry on the Patriots, that man is Logan Mankins. Hes roughly two tons of bottled rage. If you mess with his teammates you better believe youre going to get a big piece of your behind handed to you.
The Buffalo Bills decided to test him Sunday and the results were disastrous for the city.
During the game, Mankins became angry after a couple of questionable hits left his teammates a bit dazed. He went after the Bills, but was restrained for the time being. Once the Patriots lost, however, Mankins erupted.
Players and fans alike ran from the stadium as Mankins rampaged through downtown Buffalo, tipping any cars or quarterbacks he saw.
He also reportedly tracked down a nearby herd of buffalo. Just because.
At one point he was seen with Bruins captain Zdeno Chara and the two engaged in some tag team buffalo hunting. No one was spared.
Sources have told Wicked Good Sports that no human beings were killed during the rampage and that Ryan Miller should eventually make a full recovery to choke in the first round of the playoffs.
We are told, however, that Jim Kelly suffered a far worse fate.
Mankins reportedly entered the still empty Buffalo Hall of Accomplishments to find Jim Kelly starring at an empty case where Super Bowl trophies are to be held, assuming the Bills ever win any.
While Buffalo fans hit the streets as though beating the Patriots was just as good as winning the Super Bowl, Jim Kelly was abused worse by Mankins than he was by the Dallas Cowboys defense.
Fellow Buffalo hero Brett Hull even got in on the action, as Hull and Mankins decided to throw Kelly through as many tables as lost Super Bowls.
Hey guys, for those Buffalo residents out there who cant count that high, how many Super Bowls in a row did Jim Kelly lose?
The Buffalo police department was helpless to stop Mankins as Police Chief Lindy Ruff began openly weeping when Mankins attack began and blamed the referees for Buffalos cheap shots.
Mankins was last seen training for a second round of attacks in his forest hideout with the Brothers Gronk.
If you see Mankins, please do not approach him. Local authorities have advised people to contact them directly. He is considered bearded and dangerous.