By Jon Fucile
The Cleveland Cavaliers are awful. Atrocious. Horrendous. They make the Washington Generals look good. There are college teams that look like they could beat the Cavs.
They have lost 26 games in a row. Think about how bad a team has to be to lose 26 times in a row. The WBNA has more fans than the Cavs have wins. Helen Keller knew more words than the Cavs have wins. Even the Black Eyed Peas looked better than the Cavs during their halftime performance.
On Wednesday night, they matched the 76-77 Tampa Bay Buccaneers record for sports futility. Yes, now they are in the company of orange pirates who really suck at sports.
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On the plus side, if youre looking for a quick way to make 10 just bet on the Cavs to lose every night. Safest bet youll ever make.
It has been so long since the Cavs last win that fans dont even know what winning is anymore. Their last win was December 18th. No, seriously; look it up.
So whats been going on around sports and the world since the Cavs last win?
Cleveland favorite Lebron James had more 30 point gamesthan the Cavs have wins on the season.Tim Thomas has won eleven games for the Bruins.Jonas Salk developed a polio vaccine, ridding the world of this horrible, horrible disease.
Some boring truck full of boring baseball equipment headed down to Florida and weird baseball fans got all excited for the entire lame process.
The world was devastated when Amelia Earhart never returned from her flight around the world.
Marc Sanchez was embroiled in more controversies regarding seventeen year old girls than the Cavs had wins so far in February.
The Packers have won more Super Bowls in 2011 than the Cavs have won games in 2011.
Since the Cavs last win, Patrice Bergeron, Jeff Carter, Steven Stamkos, Brad Marchand, Ryan Kesler, Michael Grabner and Johan Franzen are just some of the NHL players that have scored more goals than the Cavs have total wins on the season.
The Bruins and Montreal Canadiens had more fights in one game than the Cavs have wins on the season.
Zdeno Chara went nuts and refuses to wear anything but feety pajamas.
The Detroit Lions have just as many wins as the Cavaliers in 2011.
The phrase I have to take a dump was replaced with I have to take a Cavs.
The Cavaliers even lost a game to that dog from Air Bud.
Yes, dark times in Cleveland. At least they can look forward to... the Browns?