By Jon Fucile
The Florida Panthers are awful. Really really awful. They shouldn't even be a hockey team. You can't pay people to go see them. Obviously they are not making much money for their owners. Because no one watches and the owners want more money, Panthers ownership has come up with a new way to make money.
They are putting another ad on their rink and making their broadcasters refer to the rink as Lexus Rink. Yes, the car manufacturer Lexus bought the rights to the Panthers ice. Next season during broadcasts the Panthers broadcasting team will have to say the Panthers are playing at the BankAtlantic Center on the Lexus Rink.
Panthers president Michael Yormark said Lexus "wanted a game changer." So they chose the Panthers? The people at Lexus must not watch any hockey. At all. Ever.
Yormark went on to say "People are always looking for the same old thing, and that's not in our DNA." Really? Because you've been doing the same old thing and losing for years so apparently that is in your DNA you idiot.
But he doesn't want to stop there. Now that the ice is sold, he wants to put ads on jerseys. Yeah. He basically wants to make Panthers jerseys look like Nascar cars.
So that got us thinking. If certain NHL teams marketed the product that most defined them or their fanbase on their jerseys, what would it look like? A few teams were nice enough to model that concept for us. Take a look.
IS Lindy Ruff and the Buffalo Sabres are constantly leaking tears. They cry about everything. They've basically cornered the market in America on whiny little pansies. How do you plug up all those tears? Well, Buffalo went with a natural choice for their jerseys.
Vegas has that slogan "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." Well, Philadelphia has that slogan "Come to Philly, Leave with Herpes!" The people of Philly are so gross and dirty that it is virtually impossible not to get herpes if you go there. And now Mike Richards is helping to advertise something that can help!
The folks in Montreal love a good fake emergency. Dirty dishes? Call 9-1-1. Too afraid to kill that spider in the corner of the room? Call 9-1-1. That pizza you ordered is a couple minutes late? Call 9-1-1. So Carey Price and the Canadiens are making sure the citizens of Montreal know who to call.
The Coyotes are in trouble. Attendance is down. No one really wants to buy them because they hemorrhage money. The arena lease is terrible. Their sponsorship was just a natural combination. At least they're advertising a company their players can use to book a flight to their new homes next season.
Well, that is assuming that Air Canada has not made good on their threat to pull all sponsorship from the NHL. No one cares enough about Air Canada to check and find out.
Next we have the Washington Capitals! There were a lot of choices for them. Summer's Eve. Geico. Chokers R Us. But instead the Capitals decided to pay homage to a fan base that didn't know they had a team until around 2005. A local bandwagon store bought some ad space on their jerseys.
These days everyone complains about everything ever. Apparently everything is supposed to represent both sides of an argument at all times every day. If they don't, they're considered bias or closed minded. With this in mind, the New Jersey Devils decided to get a little holier and give the opposition a little face time on their jerseys.
Minnesota's team is called the Wild but they are anything but. They are often very tame while other teams have their way with them. They need a little injection of energy! Seeing a good opportunity, a pro wrestler still pretending he's popular saw the chance for some more money and with his recent divorce he can use all the money he can get. The partnership was basically a match made in heaven and now maybe Minnesota can start running wild!
Maybe the NHL is on to something.. or not.