Bears

The 10 most annoying people at the gym

The 10 most annoying people at the gym

Tuesday, Sept. 7, 2010
3:27 PM

By Joe Collins
CSNChicago.com

How are you doing on those New Year's resolutions? I always like asking people this question around Labor Day. You know, it kind of catches them off guard. It has been 250 days since the last ball drop (not counting those by Chicago Bears receivers of course) and another 115 until we'll see the next one. Did any of you plan on joining a health club or gym? Or did any of you try to lose weight? If you were successful, you are among the 10 percent of those who have had a successful New Year's resolution. And you, more than likely, earn extra credit because you endured a particularly tiresome posse of our society: the gym.

I presented the "10 Most Annoying People on the Bike Trail" about a month ago.They're hilarious, but certain characters in the gym crowd make the bike trail gang look modest. Heck, given that you're reading this on a sports website, I'm sure that you have tried to sculpt yourself into looking like the next Joe Q. Superjock at one time or another. And a fist-bump to you if you kept humble while doing so. Some haven't gotten the hint, though. Is all the strutting, grunting, preening and obnoxiousness really necessary? People often lament the hidden costs of joining of a gym. I bring you ten of them:

The Mr. Invincible Weight Lifting Guy: Let's start off with an obvious one. You know how they have those silver statue guys on Michigan Avenue? You can't help but stare at their bizarre features and all of the sudden they spring into motion and draw a crowd. That's the street equivalent of how the gym's Mr. IWLG operates. The first time you see each of these people, you can't help but be a part of the audience. However, the show gets old real fast. You have a sneaky suspicion that these people are only there for the attention and the onlookers are blocking the sidewalk (or in this case, to the water fountain or the one Stairmaster that opened after a 30-minute wait).

The Mr. Invincible Weight Lifting Guy (Shouting Version): Basically a carbon copy of Mr. IWLG, only he shouts after each 300-pound repetition like he's at a Pantera concert. His wardrobe is complete once the barbed wire tattoo makes an appearance. Each weightlifting grunt says, "Look at me! I might need your help to tie my own shoes later!" Come on, guy. This isn't Super Mario Brothers. Stop hitting those imaginary question-marks over your head in hopes for an 'invincible' star. Newsflash: you're not invincible. Your 0-79 lifetime record with the ladies is proof of that.

The Born-Again Basketball Player: New 200 shoes? Check. New wardrobe from the mall? Check. Headband? Check. An overrated has-been whose vocabulary is based on the phrase, "A Little Help" when the ball bounces wildly away from his missed 20-foot jumper? Better believe that's a check. If you accidentally get into a conversation with this fountain-of-youth hoops schmuck, don't ever...EVER ask him about his days as the backup point guard at Southeast North Dakota A&M-Fargo State. He'll end up challenging youtaunting you into a game of one-on-one.

Mr. & Mrs. Sweat: It's nice that you just greased your way into and out of that leg press. The mesh shorts and soiled B.U.M Equipment t-shirt adds a nice touch as well. But do you mind cleaning the pepperoni pizza-like stain off the bench after you're done with it? Here's a towel. And a squeegie. And the complimentary disinfectant you just walked by on the way to the locker room. Go to work. Oh, hey-- the Calumet River called. It wants its stink and slime back.

That Guy Or Girl Who Has A Personal Trainer: How's that 500,000-a-year salary treatin' ya? Good enough to pay for a condescending gym class hero to tell you how to jump rope the right way? Must be nice. I just don't understand how people feel the need to spend money on motivation. Isn't that what a mirror is supposed to do? I mean, didn't we all learn a thing or two from Jim Jupiter, The Healthiest Man In Chicago?

Johnny Hot-Shot Ladies Man: This one is for the girls out there. Have you ever had this experience: You're working out and going about your business. You catch a guy staring at you from across the room. He then moves near your machine. All of a sudden, he's on the machine right next to you. Then, out comes Cassanova: "So...how many miles are you doing?" Or... "Hey can you help me out with this machine?" Next thing you know, he's walking you to your car and asking you out for dinner. If it's a match made in heaven, great. But that's a rare occurrence. More often than not, the guy smells like taco mix and used dental floss. You seriously think about getting the mace ready. Johnny Hot-Shot Ladies Man is the type that will try to impress a girl by benching 255 pounds...failing...and having to call an instructorparadmedic over for help.
The Paris Hilton: This gym type presents, by far and away, the biggest challenge to any guy at a gym. The Paris Hilton is there to look great and not sweat a drop. She's there to pick up a mate. For most guys, this is great! A hot girl at a gym! Only trouble is that 100 other guys are thinking the same thing. For the men, it's a race to come up with the best line andor overdoing it on the lat pulls to look impressive. And this one goes out to the guys that just want to go to a gym and work out: have you ever had your concentration tested once the Paris Hilton walks in...and you end up wasting an hour or so thinking about her? It's a no-win situation, really.

That Guy In The Tae-Bo Class --or-- That Guy In The Aerobics Class: Odds are this guy also has some of those Richard Simmons "Deal A Meal" cards at home. Or that he'll strike up a conversation with you about his cat named Wilson Phillips. And he...uhm...you know, let's just move on to the next one...

Mr. & Mrs. "You're Doing It Wrong": These people need to be pushed off a water tower and into a very large blender in puree mode. It might be the only thing that can stop them from coming over to your machine to tell you, "Hey! You're arching your back too much! Oh I don't know about that, you're going to hurt yourself! Tsk Tsk Tsk!" There is a fine line between constructive criticism and risking a haymaker to the left cheek. Meddling isn't attractive, folks. These are the same people that yell at you for not splitting nines at the blackjack table when the dealer shows a seven. Makes you want to clothesline them with a curling bar, you know?

The Naked Guy: Nothing says fun than going about your gym routine, turning a corner, and running into...you know, that guy. Whatever happened to common sense and decency? I have never understood this. There's always one of them, you know? These people, you know? They're one of those "free spirit" types, usually unkempt, who looks like a big pimento loaf that got dropped onto a barber shop floor. Wait, why am I getting into specifics about this?

Honorable Mentions:

The Muscle Chick, The Guy Who Hogs The Machine, The Drifter (one who "camps out" at the gym for more than four hours), The Cast of "The View" (people who are there just to socialize)

Just makes you want to blow your hard earned money every month, right? Or make another resolution.

Or something like that.

Why the Bears' gameplan for Mitchell Trubisky is working well

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USA Today

Why the Bears' gameplan for Mitchell Trubisky is working well

The Bears’ gameplan for Mitchell Trubisky was controlled against the Baltimore Ravens, with offensive coordinator Dowell Loggains only calling 20 passing plays on Sunday. And that’s hardly a problem. 

Not only did the Bears win with Trubisky mostly handing the ball off, but the gameplan accomplished a goal just as important for the future of the franchise. It was part of the slow, deliberate development of a rookie quarterback who only started 13 games in college and doesn’t have a big-time receiving target or two (like DeAndre Hopkins or Will Fuller) on which to lean. 

“I think they’re giving him a chance to develop,” Carolina Panthers coach Ron Rivera said. “They’re not throwing him to the wolves. You can get out and have him throw 45 passes and get crushed, or you can do what you’re doing right now and be very methodical and very direct.

“…  If you ask a young guy to throw the ball 40 times and you expect to win, that’s going to be very difficult. So I think what they’re trying to do and how they’re trying to develop this guy, shoot, believe me, I think the young man’s got a chance.” 

Beyond the playcalling Sunday — 50 runs between Jordan Howard and Tarik Cohen — the design of the offense gave Trubisky the best chance to win the game. No quarterback had more time to throw in Week 6 than Trubisky (3.49 seconds, according to NFL Next Gen Stats), which makes sense given the rollouts and boots called for him. But for a rookie in Trubisky who needs improvement with blitz recognition, Loggains found a way to give him more time to scan the field and make a decision than any other quarterback last week. 

And what Trubisky did with all that time was not force anything. Only Green Bay’s Brett Hundley threw a lower percentage of aggressive passes (defined by NFL Next Gen Stats as when a defender is within one yard or less of a receiver at the time of completion or incompletion) than Trubisky, who only threw one of his 16 passes into tight coverage. That was a point of emphasis for the rookie six days after Harrison Smith baited him into a crippling interception. 

“Sometimes the best play is a throwaway,” Trubisky said. “So it’s just coming down to me learning, continue to stay aggressive; wanting to get a completion every time, but being smart and knowing when I need to throw the ball away and live to play another down.”

Loggias, in describing Trubisky, used the “M” word: 

“I thought he did a really good job managing the game and playing like he had to,” Loggains said. “He was still aggressive. He wasn’t, and I hate the term ‘manage’ but he was playing the way he needed to play to win that game.”

The Bears hoped Mike Glennon could be a game manager, of course. But the offensive strategy they’re deploying now isn’t necessarily the same as they one they used with Glennon — Trubisky has the ability to be a playmaker, as he showed when he evaded pressure and found Kendall Wright for a pivotal 18-yard completion in overtime. That was that aforementioned one pass he threw into tight coverage against the Ravens. 

But the Bears’ best skill position players are running backs Jordan Howard and Tarik Cohen, unless a receiver emerges from the group of Tanner Gentry, Tre McBride, Josh Bellamy, an injured Markus Wheaton and Wright (the latter of whom Loggains said is at his best when he’s taking 25-30 snaps per game). The offensive line has improved with continuity over the last few weeks. This is a team that’s strength is in running the football, not in its quarterback play. 

Eventually, the Bears will open up the offense for Trubisky (getting a big-bodied receiver who can win against tight man coverage would help) as he gains experience, and the strength of the offense can be in its quarterback play. But if the goal is to bring a young quarterback along while giving the team a chance to win, then the offensive gameplan is working. 

“As a quarterback, you want to be throwing the ball, but as a competitor and leader of this team, you're going to do whatever it takes to win,” Trubisky said. “And if it's running the ball, if it's passing the ball, whatever it is, that's what we're going to do. I didn't feel any type of way at all about how many times we ran it, how many times we passed it, just excited to come away with the win and how we stuck together, and came away with that win, so it was awesome to see.”

Underdogs? Not so fast: Reliving the Bulls' dominance over the Raptors

justinholidaybulls.png
USA TODAY

Underdogs? Not so fast: Reliving the Bulls' dominance over the Raptors

Here’s something you’re going to hear quite a bit this season: the Bulls are underdogs tomorrow night. The official start to the rebuild begins as the Bulls travel to Toronto to face the Raptors tomorrow night on NBC Sports Chicago. Pregame Live begins at 6 p.m. with Mark Schanowski, Will Perdue and Kendall Gill.

The Raptors bring back Kyle Lowry, DeMar DeRozan and a host of other talent that helped Toronto earn the No. 3 seed in the East last year. They’ll be there this season, so the Bulls open the season with a daunting opponent. But fear not! The Bulls are underdogs, but there’s no opponent they’ve had more success against the last four seasons than the Raptors. The Bulls have won 11 of their last 12 games against Toronto, including 11 straight victories before last season’s late loss in Toronto.

Take a trip down memory lane and see how they did it, and then check back tomorrow night and see if they can get back to their winning ways against Dwane Casey’s group.

1. Feb. 19, 2014 (94-92)

The streak of 11 straight wins begins with an almost-awful collapse. The Bulls lead by as many as nine in the fourth quarter before a frantic comeback from Lowry and DeRozan, who combined for 14 points in a 4-minute span to pull within two points late. But DeRozan can’t close the deal, missing two shots in the final 3 seconds, securing a Bulls win.

2. Nov. 13, 2014 (100-93)

A back-and-forth first half includes five ties and nine lead changes. Then the Bulls decide in the third quarter they don’t care much for see-saws and take over. They close the quarter on a 17-5 run and lead by double-digits until late in the fourth quarter. The Raptors pull within five in the final minute but five Bulls free throws ice the game. Pau Gasol (27), Jimmy Butler (21) and Derrick Rose (20) combine for 68 points.

3. Dec. 22, 2014 (129-120)

Let’s just cut right to the fourth quarter. That’s when the Bulls erupt for a franchise-record 49 points to take the come-from-behind win. Ironically they miss their first three shots of the period. After that? Tom Thibodeau’s group goes 14-for-17 and also makes 16 free throws. Derrick Rose goes 6-for-6 for 15 points in the stanza. Who said Thibs’ offenses don’t score?

4. Mar. 20, 2015 (108-92)

The two teams enter this late-season matchup just one-half game separating them. But the Bulls make a statement, taking the lead late in the first quarter and holding it the rest of the way. Rookie Nikola Mirotic continues to put a bow on his remarkable month of March, scoring 29 points on 11-for-21 shooting and grabbing 11 rebounds. He even blocks a career-high four shots in the win.

5. Mar. 25, 2015 (116-103)

The Bulls continued pulling away in the East standings less than a week later. Mirotic is solid off the bench, scoring 15 points, but it’s reserve Tony Snell who makes the most noise. He erupts for 17 points on 7-for-9 shooting in just 18 minutes, including nine points in a fourth quarter that sees the Bulls outscore the Raptors 39-21 to secure the win.

6. Dec. 28, 2015 (104-97)

The Bulls’ bench continues to star against the Raptors. This time Snell, Bobby Portis and Aaron Brooks combine for 51 of the Bulls’ 104 points. The five starters score 53 points. The trio of Snell/Portis/Brooks shoots 20 for-37 from the field, outscoring the Raptors’ reserves, 51-27.

7. Jan. 3, 2016 (115-113)

Jimmy Butler struggles in the first half, scoring just two points. But the second half is a different story, to say the very, very, very least. Butler scores a franchise-record 40 points after halftime, leading the Bulls all the way back after they trailed by as many as 14 midway through the third quarter. When you play for the Bulls and accomplish a scoring feat that Michael Jordan never did, that’s says something.

8. Feb. 19, 2016 (116-106)

Doug McDermott can't match Butler’s heroics, but he puts together a career night nonetheless. The sharpshooter goes off for 30 points, making 13 of 17 from the field in 31 minutes. Fourteen of those points came in the fourth quarter, his last coming on a 3-pointer after the Raptors had cut the deficit to just three.

9. Mar. 14, 2016 (109-107)

Dwane Casey begins having nightmares of Doug McDermott (probably). That’s because the Creighton legend goes off once again, scoring 29 points on 9-for-11 shooting and somehow getting to the free throw line eight times. The Bulls nearly collapse (just like their first win in the streak), but DeMar DeRozan is blocked by Jimmy Butler in the closing seconds (just like their first loss of the streak).

10. Jan. 7, 2017 (123-118)

Jimmy Butler lives at the free throw line in the only overtime game of the streak. The Bulls, like plenty of these games, make a wild comeback in the fourth quarter, outscoring the Ratpors 33-21 to force the extra period. Butler plays hero with seven points in overtime, and Jerian Grant ices the game with a pair of free throws.

11. Feb. 14, 2017 (104-95)

The Raptors do not ask Doug McDermott to be their valentine. That’s because he once again goes off, scoring a team-high 20 points on 8-for-13 shooting. Jimmy Butler adds 19 (with 15 coming on free throws) and adds 12 assists and five steals in the wire-to-wire victory.