Yahoo's Jeff Passan dropped a bomb of sorts Wednesday evening, saying Major League Baseball will actually relax their uniform rules for one weekend in August (25-27).
That's huge because the league has typically been very buttoned-up (pun intended) on teams' uniforms and instead of a very stingy set of guidelines, players will be able to wear jerseys with nicknames on the backs, boast fluorescent-colored shoes or wear a personalized patch to pay tribute to someone instrumental in their development.
The league sent around a memo and is calling the event "Players Weekend," allowing the game's stars to show their personalities on the field. The Cubs will be in Philadelphia taking on the Phillies that weekend.
The loud-colored shoes and patches are cool and all, but let's be honest: The nicknames will be the best part for fans. (It will also be the best part for MLB as they can easily sell the jerseys and shirseys with the nicknames on it as a way to rake in bonus cash.)
Will somebody use "HE HATE ME" like the XFL star? How many baseball movie references will there be like "Willie Mays Hayes" or "The Rocket"?
Let's try to predict what nicknames the Cubs players will have on their uniforms (working with the current roster since we can't predict the future as awesome as that would be):
Jake Arrieta - "The Body"
MLB
Rationale: "Jake the Snake" is kinda lame. Let's say he goes with "The Body" after his nude appearance in ESPN's body issue.
Eddie Butler - "Big Red"
Rationale: He's got red hair (though he is only 6-foot-2).
Wade Davis - "Beethoven"
Rationale: The Cubs closer used to listen to Beethoven before games and the quiet, calm veteran is also not exactly a "Hell's Bells" or "Rage Against the Machine" kinda guy.
Brian Duensing - "Duenston Checks In"
Rationale: After that sweet '90s movie with Jason Alexander.
Carl Edwards Jr. - "String Bean Slinger
Rationale: "CJ" is too easy and lame. "String Bean Slinger" is Edwards' former Twitter handle, so let's throw that on there.
Justin Grimm - "The Grimm Reaper"
Rationale: I mean, duhhh.
John Lackey - "Blue"
Rationale: Of the "You're my boy, Blue!" fame in "Old School." Lackey is the oldest player on the Cubs not named Koji, he may have actually written baseball's old-school "unwritten rules" and the Cubs' color is blue.
Jon Lester - "Big Game Jon"
Rationale: He stole it from his buddy Lackey after his reputation as a clutch performer and had an epic 2016 postseason with the Cubs, shutting down the Giants in Game 1 of the NLDS, winning co-NLCS MVP and then coming up huge in relief in Game 7 of the World Series.
Mike Montgomery - "Accidental Closer"
Rationale: Let's be honest, it will probably be "Monty." We just wanted to get a bit more creative with the 6-foot-5 lefty who picked up his first professional save by getting the final out of the World Series.
Hector Rondon - "Carlos Rodon"
Rationale: How many casual fans confuse these two guys based on last name alone?
Pedro Strop - "Full Tilt"
Rationale: Strop never wears his hat straight and draws a ton of completely unwarranted hate because of it. It would be hilarious to draw attention to that fact for three days.
Koji Uehara - "Doc"
Rationale: He's old and he throws slow.
Willson Contreras - "Castaway"
Rationale: It will almost assuredly be "Willy" but that's too easy because we feel like people refer to him more as "Willy" than "Willson" anyways. So we just went with a "WILLSON!!!" reference.
Miguel Montero - "Captain America"
Rationale: Again, it will be "Miggy," but we wanted to pay tribute to Montero's hard work for gaining American citizenship, passing a test he joked most of his teammates couldn't pass (we couldn't either).
Javy Baez - "Bubble Boy"
Rationale: Javy has more flair than almost anybody in baseball and maybe his best moment ever was when he dropped the bubble gum in San Francisco but caught it and pointed at the camera, oozing with swag.
Kris Bryant - "Sparkle"
Rationale: There's no point in even trying to deny his dreamy blue eyes.
Ian Happ - "Baby Zo"
Rationale: He's the young version of Ben Zobrist, right?
Anthony Rizzo - "THE GREATEST LEADOFF HITTER EVER"
Rationale: In all caps. Has to be in all caps.
Addison Russell - "Addyshack"
Rationale: You know, like Caddyshack?
Ben Zobrist - "Zorilla"
Rationale: Has. To. Be.
Albert Almora Jr. - "Not-so-fat Albert"
Rationale: We're out of creative juices, sorry.
Jason Heyward - "Reign Man"
Rationale: We wanted to have more fun than just "J-Hey" and wanted to pay tribute to the awesome CSN feature on Heyward's legendary Game 7 rain delay meeting.
Jon Jay - "The Sixth Man" or "Sidekick"
Rationale: Joe Maddon has had a lot of money quotes about Jay this season, comparing him to a good sixth man in basketball based on his talent off the bench and the Cubs manager saying he would adopt Jay as a son or a sidekick because he loves the veteran outfielder so much.
Kyle Schwarber - America's Large Adult Son
Rationale: Don't even try to pretend like you don't get the reference.