Monday, June 28, 201011:24 AM
By Joe CollinsCSNChicago.com
Debooked and Dis-card-ed
Did anyone ever get debooked in junior high school? Do you even know what debooking is? Maybe that just shows how old I am and what the exact method of pulling rank was back in the day. If youre not familiar with debooking, picture a kid walking through a school hallway holding a cumbersome pile of books. A tougher kid comes along and slaps the books out of that kids hands. Ha ha. Someone just got debooked.
The Chicago White Sox debooked the Chicago Cubs this weekend. Chemistry, social studies and especially P.E. booklets were all over the (dugout) floor.
Congratulations to the South Siders on a three-day vivisection of their North Side counterparts. The Sox found a way to win all three games, even though only two of the wins qualify by textbook definition. The White Sox made Sunday's ninth inning feel like a win, while it seemed like a loss for my Chicago Cubs. Anytime you have a five-run lead and you let the winning run step to the plate immediately qualifies as a loss in my opinion.
Where is that Debbie Downer horn when you need it?
But its not all doom and gloom. At least thats what Im telling myself. The Cubs' lack of success this year is making me a great soon-to-be husband. And why's that? Well, since I've already mailed in this summer as a Cubs fan (this weekend was probably the last straw), I have found that there's more to life than box scores and bunt singles. I now get my exercise by turning the other cheek on mediocre baseball. The food tastes better. The road trips are better. And most importantly, the wedding planning with my fiancee is -- dare I say it -- a pretty good time. I can't believe I just wrote that last sentence.
(Checking back ... looking over the end of the last paragraph ... wow, I really did write that last sentence)
We had an appointment with a wedding photographer during one of the Cubs-Sox games. A few years ago, Cubs-Sox would have meant a couch, a beverage and three hours of demanded silence. This time around? Subtract the baseball and fire up Paul Simon's "Kodachrome" ...
"Those pictures look great! I wonder if this company does photo booths."
"Wow ... look at the way that photographer captured the light in that father-daughter dance shot!"
"A Golden Girls marathon? Mmm...sure!"
"Watching some kind of 'Say Yes To The Dress' show?"
... needle scratching off the record ...
OK that's enough. No way. Not a chance. I have my limits.
But you see ... that's what a rough baseball season can do. One can pretty much lose a Man Card because of it. It has actually gone to that kind of level. Really amazing, isnt it? Hey ... if it makes you feel any better, I re-caulked and painted my bathroom during one of the other Cubs-Sox games. Does that help? Any? Bueller? Maybe I just got debooked, so to speak.
(Random thought: wouldn't it be a cool idea if people carried around Man Cards and just go up to people and declare a violation? I think it would be fun. Have you seen how yellow and red cards are dealt in soccer? The referee just pulls out a little card and declares the penalty. Ninety-nine times out of 100, the player generally has the same kind of reaction: "What?!? Are you KIDDING me? For THAT? You CAN'T be serious." I have a feeling that Man Card violations would have the same kind of impact)
I'm not going to bristle at limo and DJ shopping on a Saturday afternoon while the Cubs are on at the same time. Won't even flinch. Not even a little. Everything will be a walk in the park (literally and figuratively). And feel free to pile on the insults and the jokes. I can take it. I can zone out and stare into space just as much as the next debooked kid.
And before I fuel the fire of the bandwagon-haters, know that I'll never fall off the Cubs bandwagon. Im a lifer and Im a glutton for punishment. Just don't put me in the same traitorturncoat category as, say, Fredo Corleone. Yes, I might be turning my back on certain people and making new discoveries for the moment ... but I'm still in the family. Ill be back. Probably in the very near future. Trust me.
But for the meantime, can you keep that card out of my face? I need it to focus on carrying my books.
Or something like that.
Joe Collins is an assignment desk editor for Comcast SportsNet and contributor to CSNChicago.com.