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Random News: Top 10 guy movies of all time

Random News: Top 10 guy movies of all time

Tuesday, Nov. 9, 2010
12:28 PM

By Joe Collins
CSNChicago.com

I will bet you a million dollars that you haven't seen these things before:

A yoga instructor carrying a 12-pack of Schlitz

Kenny Rogers doing a cover of Naughty By Nature's "O.P.P."

Nursing home residents playing beer pong

Or even.

That kid from "Webster" playing quarterback for the New York Jets

See? Bet'cha haven't seen any of that before. I'm sure there are thousands of other things that you have never seen. Actually...well, now that I think about it, if you take a 95 mph fastball to the head you might see the kid from "Webster" do a lot of things. Who knows. But strangely, at some point during the course of your lifetime, I bet there's a good chance you might have seen the following things that are equally random:

Mike Tyson singing "In The Air Tonight" in a Las Vegas hotel room

Two guys wearing black suits and sunglasses zig-zagging through a shopping mall in an old Mount Prospect police car ("Baby clothes. This place has got everything.") http:www.youtube.comwatch?v=_oMtdXaqBx4

A cop, hanging off the roof of a skyscraper via fire hose, shooting his way through a window to get back inside the building

How do these miracles happen? Guy movies. That's how Guy movies make the improbable seem likely. And the un-ordinary seem ordinary. Guy movies have a way of making the bizarre, disgusting and juvenile seem commonplace. So don't be surprised if you see Kenny Rogers dishing out Naughty By Nature or even Wu Tang Clan covers in the near future.

But what makes a "guy movie" a really great, well, guy movie? Is it blood? Destruction? Violence? Explosions? Hot chicks? Crude humor? Sports? Gang warfare? Bombs? Zach Galifianakis? All of the above? I had a conversation with a few people the other night regarding what should be on the list of the greatest guy movies of all time. After about 27 seconds, our group had a list of 10. I'm sure we could have hit 50...100...even 200 movies if we had the time (and I'm sure we'd make time if given the chance!) But as the conversation ended, I started thinking further: it would be torturous trying to keep this list at an even 10. Some serious cuts would have to happen.

So in order to get to 10...I figured that there had to be some rules about "Guy Movies" to help finalize the list. Most of these should be universally accepted when talking about this topic: (A) A girl, while watching a guy movie, should always succeed at getting lost with the jokes. Girls aren't supposed to "get" guy movies. That defeats the purpose of it. (B) It has to be a movie that guys can quote easily. Guys love quoting guy movies. Girls hate that. And we love those movies more because of it. (C) The movie has to contain at least two (2) significant guy elements that were detailed in the previous paragraph (blood, sports, explosions...etc)

So here goes.

The 10 best 'Guy Movies' out there...as I see it:

10. Hoosiers (1986) - It was a close battle between Fast Times At Ridgemont High (Phoebe Cates exiting a swimming pool set to "Moving In Stereo" by the Cars nearly put that movie in the top 10 all by itself) and this movie, widely considered to be one of the best sports movies of all times about a 1950s high school basketball team from Indiana. And I bet a lot of guys will probably hate to admit this, but here's guessing the "picket fence" scene or the final scene made some of them a little misty. There, I said it.
9. The Hangover (2009) - Frankly, I wasn't the biggest fan of this movie when it first came out. I felt it was kind of run-of-the-mill and borrowed a lot from other movies (take the "Rain Man" casino scene for example). But I have to admit, the movie has everything that is perfect for this list: a guy getting Tasered in the junk, a bachelor party, Mike Tyson singing and a wild that nobody can remember. To not have this movie on the list would be a travesty.

8. Airplane! (1980) - The main reason this movie is on the list is because 99 of women will not get 99 of the jokes. To me, I think for a woman to enjoy a comedy there has to be some kind of emotional element unfolding on the screen (see: comedies, romantic. See also: Aniston, Jennifer). "Airplane" is the exact opposite: hundreds of quotable jokes at warp speed. To wit:

7. Caddyshack (1980) - What's great about this movie is the memorable lines: "It's in the hole!", "Whoa, did somebody step on a duck?", "Your uncle molests collies", "So I got that going for me, which is nice." Great stuff. And here's another thing about how cool the whole "Cinderella story" sequence is Bill Murray: it was all improvised.

6. The Godfather (1972) - Actually, this should read "and...The Godfather II" for the full effect. And let's pretend Godfther III never happened. What makes this a "guy movie" is quite simple: the guys rule the families. And violence can happen when respect falls by the wayside. There are too many good scenes to list, really. It's a movie that any guy can't refuse.

5. (Every James Bond Movie Ever Made) - Notice I didn't put "every Monty Python movie ever made" on this list. No real man likes Monty Python. You heard right. Sorry. 'Bond' is cool-- everything from his girls to the weapons to the slick style that Bond emulates This ranking would have appeared higher, but when a Bond guy like Pierce Brosnan appears in movies like "Mrs. Doubtfire," sorry.

4. Swingers (1996) - I forgot to mention one thing in the early paragraphs of this column which makes guy movie great: LAS VEGAS. The movie also teaches guys about how to leave a message on a girl's voice mail. That's vital. See? Guy movies can be educational. Vegas baby...Vegas. Did I mention this movie features Heather Graham?
3. Die Hard (1988) - I can't believe my parents let me see this movie when I was 10 years old. But I'm glad they did. Bruce Willis was the baddest yippie ki-yay m I had ever seen up to that point. One cop 30 terrorists a high rise building a truckload of explosives? That's guy movie perfection. Unfortunately, Bruce Willis did other things besides 'Die Hard'-- like the TV show "Moonlighting" and a few bile-producing Seagrams commercials:

2. Goodfellas (1990) - I'm willing to bet that 99.999 of the guys out there who see 'Goodfellas' end up with some desire to be in the mob in some way. I mean, how could you NOT want to be in the mob after seeing this? Cash, girls, alcohol and no rules whatsoever. What's not to like? And if someone talks down to you? You whack the guy. Game over. I can't even hear the word "Lufthansa" anymore without thinking dreams of getting filthy rich. The "May 11, 1980" scene might be one of the best ever put to film.
1. Animal House (1978) - How about that-- the top movie on this list features John Belushi in a starring role. You couldn't do that, Jim Belushi. Sorry. Speaking of "sorry," it's the funniest line uttered by our hero after going destructo on a wimpy guitar player:

Is it a great movie of critical acclaim? Maybe, maybe not. But in a way...that's what makes it so good. It's loud and out of control...and makes every guy wishing they were back at college again.

Others receiving votes: Old School, The Longest Yard, The Big Lebowski, Wedding Crashers (Rachel McAdams never looked better), Back To The Future, Fight Club, The Shining, Scarface, There's Something About Mary, The Terminator, Stripes, North Dallas Forty, Dirty Harry, Slap Shot, Hoosiers, any Rocky movie, The Deer Hunter, Full Metal Jacket, Platoon, Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, The Naked Gun movies, Raging Bull, Cool Hand Luke, and any 'Rambo' movie. Heck, any Stallone movie. Well, except for 'Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot'.

And note: "Grease" did not come close to making this list.

Or something like that.

Do you agree of disagree with this list? Submit a comment below!

Three Things to Watch: Blackhawks visit first-place Lightning

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Three Things to Watch: Blackhawks visit first-place Lightning

Here are Three Things to Watch when the Blackhawks take on the Tampa Bay Lightning tonight on NBC Sports Chicago and streaming live on the NBC Sports app. Coverage begins at 6 p.m. with Blackhawks Pregame Live.

1. Nikita Kucherov and Steven Stamkos.

There hasn't been a more dynamic duo in the NHL so far this season than Kucherov and Stamkos, who have combined for 68 points (27 goals, 41 assists) through 20 games, and sit first and second in the scoring race.

They've each recorded a point in every game except three — which coincidentally have been the same games — and they've lost all three of those contests. Kucherov has also scored a goal in 15 of 20 games this season. That's absurd when you consider he's scoring on a consistent basis; it's not like they're coming in spurts.

To put all that into perspective, he reached the 17-goal mark in his 36th game last year and still finished second in the league with 40 goals. He hit the 17-goal mark in 16 fewer games this season. How many can he realistically finish with? 60?

2. Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews.

Tampa Bay knows how dangerous Chicago's dynamic duo can be as well, as evidenced in the 2015 Stanley Cup Final. The Blackhawks' superstars know how to get up for a big game.

In 13 career regular-season games against the Lightning, Kane has 18 points (six goals, 12 assists). Toews has 14 points (eight goals, six assists) in 14 games.

They're both producing at or above a point-per-game pace, and they're going to need more of that against this powerhouse Lightning team.

3. Something's gotta give.

Tampa Bay's offensive prowess is off the charts up and down the lineup. It has four lines that can come at you at waves, and a strong, active blue line led by potential Norris Trophy finalist Viktor Hedman and Calder Trophy candidate Mikhail Sergachev.

Although Chicago allows the fourth-most shots per game (34.0), it actually hasn't been bad at preventing goals — a large reason for that is Corey Crawford. 

The Lightning rank first in goals per game (3.95) and first in power play percentage (28.0) while the Blackhawks rank sixth in goals against per game (2.65) and four in penalty kill percentage (84.9).

Who's going to crack first?

For one writer, Hall of Fame semifinalist selection of Brian Urlacher closes a career circle

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USA TODAY

For one writer, Hall of Fame semifinalist selection of Brian Urlacher closes a career circle

The news on Tuesday wasn’t really any sort of surprise: Brian Urlacher being selected as a semifinalist for the Hall of Fame in his first year of eligibility. Some of the immediate thoughts were, however, for one writer who covered Brian from the day he was drafted on through the unpleasant end of his 13-year career as a Bear.

Good thoughts, though. Definitely good.

The first was a flashback, to a Tuesday in late August 2000 when the ninth-overall pick of the draft, who’d been anointed the starting strong-side linebacker by coach Dick Jauron on draft day, was benched.

It happened up at Halas Hall when Urlacher all of a sudden wasn’t running with the 1’s. Rosie Colvin was in Urlacher’s spot with the starters and would be for a few games into the 2000 season. I caught up with Brian before he walked, in a daze, into Halas Hall after practice and asked about what I’d just seen.

"I'm unhappy with the way I'm playing and I'm sure they are, too," Urlacher said. "I don't think I've been playing very well so that's probably the cause for it right there. I just don't have any technique. I need to work on my technique, hands and feet mostly. I've got to get those down, figure out what I'm doing. I know the defense pretty good now, just don't know how to use my hands and feet."

Urlacher, an All-American safety at New Mexico but MVP of the Senior Bowl in his first game at middle linebacker, had been starting at strong side, over the tight end, because coaches considered it a simpler position for Urlacher to master. But he was not always correctly aligned before the snap, did not use his hands against blockers effectively and occasionally led with his head on tackles. His benching cost him the chance to be the first Bears rookie linebacker since Dick Butkus to start an Opening Day.

It also was the first time in his football life that Urlacher could remember being demoted.

"It's not a good feeling," he said. "I definitely don't like getting demoted but I know why I am. I just have to get better."

Coaches understood what they were really attempting, subsequently acknowledged privately that the SLB experiment was a mistake. While the strong-side slot may have been simpler than the other two principally because of coverage duties, "we're trying to force-feed the kid an elephant," then-defensive coordinator Greg Blache said.

"So you see him gag and what do you do? You give him the Heimlich maneuver, you take some of it out of his mouth, try to chop it up into smaller pieces. He's going to devour it and be a great football player. But he wouldn't be if we choked him to death."

Urlacher didn’t choke and eventually became the starter, not outside, but at middle linebacker when Barry Minter was injured week two at Tampa Bay.

We sometimes don’t fully know the import or significance at the time we’re witnessing something. Urlacher stepping in at middle linebacker was not one of those times – you knew, watching him pick up four tackles in basically just the fourth quarter of a 41-0 blowout by the Bucs.

That was the beginning. Over the years came moments like Urlacher scooping up a Michael Vick fumble in the 2001 Atlanta game and going 90 yards with Vick giving chase but not catching him. Lots of those kinds of moments.

And then cutting to the ending, in 2013, when he and the organization came to an acrimonious parting after GM Phil Emery managed to alienate the face of the franchise both with the one-year contract offer and the way it was handled. Butkus had a nasty separation at the end of his Bears years, too, and Bill George finished his career as a Los Angeles Ram after creating the middle linebacker position as a Bear. Maybe that’s just how Bears and some of their linebackers wind up their relationships.

In any case, while there is no cheering in the pressbox, the hope here is that Brian goes into the Hall in a class with Ray Lewis in their first years of eligibility. Somehow that just seems like it all should close out for that confused kid from New Mexico who lost his first job out of college, but responded to that by becoming one of the all-time greats in his sport.