OPINION

By Matt Hayes

updated 3:54 p.m. ET Aug. 3, 2008

Matt Hayes

We know them by now, so this won't come as any big revelation. They are -- and there's no easy way to say it -- the worst teams in big-boy college football.

Line 'em up: Vanderbilt, Baylor, Minnesota, Syracuse, Duke and Stanford. The Ugly Six from the Big Six.

The question: Where do they go from here? The story goes something like this: Any BCS team, with enough foresight and fortitude, can find the way out of a hole. Even a deep one.

Four of the six have new or second-year coaches, so the process of finding a way has begun. The job is embraced, for good or bad, by coaches and administrators with specific vision and ideas and ... blah, blah, blah.

Forget that. I'm going straight to the players. For this exercise, we introduce Vince Oghobaase, a junior defensive tackle at Duke. Needless to say, dude knows bad football.

Here's Oghobaase's four-step plan of action:

1. Hire a new strength coach. "When you're fat, you're fat," Oghobaase says. "You need someone to tell you and someone to have a plan to get you in shape and be prepared to play four quarters."

2. Hire a different support staff. "You can't keep doing the same thing over and over and expect it to work," Oghobaase says. "Change things up -- with coaches and at the administrative level."

3. Seek greater booster involvement. "Convince them of the importance in investing in the program," Oghobaase says. "Stadium, facilities, academic support center. Buy into what we're trying to accomplish and invest in it emotionally."

4. Instill confidence and team values. "This summer, we did some community service and cleaned the stadium," Oghobaase says. "Once we were finished, we all went and threw out all of the trash together at the same time as a team. That may sound insignificant, but that's how you build team chemistry."

Throwing out the trash -- a nice metaphor for change. A ranking of the Ugly Six (of course Duke is last) based on who has the best chance to climb out of the hole the quickest:

1. Minnesota
Talk 10 minutes to Gophers coach Tim Brewster. He'll convince you it's no warmer in Florida than Minneapolis in the dead of winter. He can flat-out sell it.

There is no bigger key in rebuilding a program. First you sell it, then you build it with players who buy into it. The Gophers lost 11 times last fall, and Brewster turned that meltdown into a top 20 recruiting class.

Next question: Will he become the latest career assistant who can recruit but can't put it together on the field (see: Ed Orgeron, Mike Stoops, Carl Torbush)?

2. Stanford
Priority No. 1 in a new coaching hire: charisma. Jim Harbaugh, everyone, is the definition of charisma.

Stanford's previous coaches (Buddy Teevans, Walt Harris), though good tacticians, were about as charismatic as croup. As bad as it was under Teevans and Harris (16 wins in five seasons), it wasn't so long ago that Stanford played in the Rose Bowl (the 1999 season).

Stanford won at USC last fall with a roster that would have lost to numerous I-AA teams.

The key to winning in the Pac-10: an elite quarterback and a defense that can rush the quarterback. Harbaugh landed his quarterback in February (Andrew Luck); the next step is building the defense.

3. Syracuse

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Don't let the Greg Robinson years fool you: Syracuse once was among the elite of the Big East, and the Carrier Dome was a mosh pit of excitement. When the Orange stumbled, Rutgers moved into the Northeast void with charismatic coach/recruiter Greg Schiano.

Now add Pittsburgh and Connecticut, programs with coaches (Dave Wannstedt and Randy Edsall) who relate to high school players as well as anyone, into the Northeast mix. Suddenly, Robinson doesn't look so hip, and the Carrier Dome looks like a dump.

Some advice for the Orange: Find a new coach, quickly. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to recover.  

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