FakeWIPCaller

7 ways the Eagles could blow it

usat-carson-wentz.jpg
USA Today Images

7 ways the Eagles could blow it

At first glance, it appears things are going pretty great this fall for our Philadelphia Eagles. They’re 10-1, dominant on both sides of the ball, and close to clinching the NFC East. The final scores of their last four games are 33-10, 51-23, 37-9 and 31-3. The team is in the driver’s seat for home field advantage and a favorite to win the Super Bowl.

Carson Wentz is everything you’ve ever hoped for and more. The defense is the best unit in memory, and despite early doubts, Doug Pederson has already firmly established himself as the second-greatest coach in Eagles history. Even position groups of concern like the receivers, offensive line and cornerbacks have played well. Jay Ajayi is the power running back with dreadlocks the Eagles have been missing ever since they didn’t draft Ricky Williams.

With five games to go in the season, you’re probably wondering: How are the Eagles going to blow it? A few possibilities:

They’re getting cocky

You saw the Bears game on Sunday -- the Eagles talked trash. They did choreographed touchdown celebrations. They danced, doing the Electric Slide not once, but twice.

We Philadelphia fans love swagger, of course. But we’ve all seen this sort of behavior backfire. Three words: McNabb Air Guitar.

I fully expect, once we win a championship or two, for the rest of the league and fans of every other team to hate us. And I can't wait for that. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. 

The Fumbles

Losing four fumbles in one game is totally unacceptable -- and no, winning that same game 31-3 is NOT an excuse.

Carson Wentz has a girlfriend

Remember Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson in Mexico? For quarterbacks, girlfriends are a distraction.

The Fletcher Cox affair story

Speaking of distractions… now we know what Cox was doing last summer instead of reporting to OTAs. Though I agree with TMZ’s analysis: Fletcher Cox having sex with your wife is “pretty cool, if you’re a die-hard Eagles fan.”

The Jay Ajayi postgame anger

Is there dissension in the ranks of the Eagles’ running back corps? Cause for concern, if you ask me.

Linebacker depth

We really still have Najee Goode? Who’s next off the bench, Jamar Chaney? Omar Gaither? Moise Fokou?

No Paul Turner

Yes, this team still misses Paul Turner.

Sure, the Eagles will probably be fine, and stand an excellent chance of overcoming all of those distractions and adversity. As long as the refs don’t inexplicably screw us, a parade down Broad Street in February is assured!
 
Other Philly sports takes:

-      My deepest condolences to any UCLA football players whose favorite day of the week is Taco Tuesday.

-      Why haven’t the Phillies signed anyone yet this offseason? Obviously, Gabe Kapler's coconut oil is scaring off free agents. 

-      Between Joel Embiid, Ben Simmons and Cure Auto Insurance’s wildly perverted commercials, Sixers broadcasts are finally watchable again. When Markelle Fultz returns in the fall of 2020, they’ll be even better.

-      I look forward to the new governor of New Jersey, Phil Murphy, coming on the WIP Morning Show and never falling out of his chair or openly rooting for the Dallas Cowboys.

-      Clearly, hiring a star from the ‘80s to run the Flyers hasn’t worked out. It’s time to fire Ron Hextall, and replace him with someone from the ‘70s. Or the ‘90s: Coach Lindros? General Manager LeClair?

-      Likewise, I’m happy to hear the Phillies are considering hiring Chase Utley as bench coach. They’re taking an important lesson from the Flyers: If you have a beloved championship team, keep giving all those guys jobs forever.

Follow FakeWIPCaller on Twitter. 

Gabe Kapler is not a Philly Guy

Gabe Kapler is not a Philly Guy

You just knew the Phillies weren’t going to going to hire a manager with any experience, authority, or independence. The arrogant Matt Klentak would never allow it. Know how we know that? Klentak was way too insecure to interview the recently-fired, World Series-winning manager of the Yankees, and he only briefly interviewed the recently-fired, World Series-winning manager of the Red Sox.

But Gabe Kapler? Please. Who is this guy? He’s never managed before. He played for seven teams, but none of them were the Phillies. He’s not from here, and let’s face it: he’s very much Not a Philly Guy. Have you seen those muscle photos of him? Does he look to you like a guy who’s ever eaten a cheesesteak in his life?

If a guy doesn’t look like a plausible Wing Bowl contender, I don’t trust him to run my team.

Even worse? Kapler believes in that analytics nonsense. And he used to write a blog, where he talked about fitness, lifestyle tips, and some really disgusting uses of coconut oil. I really think that last thing is what’s going to sink Kapler’s chances to win over this team. Because if there’s anything I know about baseball locker rooms, it’s that they have no tolerance for vulgarity.

And besides, we already tried hiring a guy in this town who cared a lot about nutrition. Remind me again how it all turned out for Chip Kelly? If Kapler gets rid of Taco Tuesday, I’m out.

I know what the Phillies are trying to do here. They’re trying to get one over on us. Why do you think they announced the hire just days after another Eagles win? And it’s not a coincidence that Kapler was introduced while Angelo was in the hospital. They stole that trick from the time the Eagles fired Joe Banner.

Sure, there’s always a chance Kapler’s muscles will scare Odubel Herrera into stopping the bat flips and baserunning gaffes. But what if they don’t?

Look at all the ex-Phillies out there who could have made good managers: Larry Bowa. Mike Schmidt. Juan Samuel. Lenny Dykstra. Mitch Williams. Who’s done more for the Phillies organization -- Gabe Kapler, or Pete Rose? Not even a close call if you ask me.

Other Philly Sports Takes:

- As for the Sixers? Even if they have a .500 record, Embiid is healthy and people are actually going to games, sorry, I’m still not sold. Markelle Fultz is obviously missing this whole season and probably next, and I’m still not over the Sam Hinkie nonsense. After all, when was the last time a team, in any sport, tanked their way to a championship?

And no, the Astros don’t count -- they only won because they fired Ed Wade.

- The Eagles are 7-1. I have no complaints. But even so: Sunday against Denver is a must-win.

Follow FakeWIPCaller on Twitter

Hey, Donovan: You're no Carson Wentz

Hey, Donovan: You're no Carson Wentz

The Eagles’ win over Arizona on Sunday was the kind of victory Birds fans have dreaming of for years. The Eagles dominated in all phases of the game. Nelson Agholor did a very fine impression of an elite wide receiver. Weak position groups like the offensive line and the secondary played well. The Eagles even did a choreographed, baseball-themed touchdown celebration that doubled as a clear message to Mike Trout, who was at the game, that it’s time for him to sign with the Phillies.

But most importantly of all, Carson Wentz proved himself an elite quarterback, throwing for over 300 yards and four touchdowns. Yes, Carson’s the real deal, and feelings are good here in Philadelphia.

After that victory, nothing could kill the mood. Nothing could put a damper on a great win. Unless. Unless…

Yes, Donovan McNabb was at the game, and even introduced himself to Wentz afterward. Because even years into his retirement, Donovan just had to do what he did throughout his Eagles career: Make it all about him.

McNabb felt the need to crash the postgame show, saying some stuff he obviously didn’t mean about Wentz has “got a promising career” and “will absolutely make the playoffs.” Pathetic.

The truth is, because there can only be one top Eagles quarterback in all of our lifetimes, every fan must make a choice, and make it right now: McNabb or Wentz? The morning show asked that very question Monday and yes, the fans have spoken:

Still, it just goes to show how lucky we are to have Carson Wentz. Carson will never get sick on the final drive of the Super Bowl. He’ll never lose three straight NFC championship games. He’ll never get into a bitter, years-long feud with a local boxing champion. If Nelson Agholor demands a new contract during training camp next year, Carson will go to bat for him. And if a busload of Eagles fans had taken a bus up to the draft last year to demand the Birds draft someone else, Wentz wouldn’t have held a grudge. He’d have understood.

Here’s my conspiracy theory: McNabb, of course, lost the NFC Championship Game, to the Arizona Cardinals, back in 2008. Do you think it was a coincidence that he chose another game against Arizona, to show up and upstage his more talented successor?

Anyway, let’s enjoy the ride, Eagles fans. When can we arrange for Jeff Garcia to come and meet Carson?

I’ll give my followers the last word:

Other Philly sports takes:

-Really good point by Colin Cowherd on the radio last week: It was unfair for Philadelphia to “run Andy Reid out of town,” after he went 4-12 in his 14th season.

-Sure, I called for the Phillies to fire Pete Mackanin numerous times throughout the season, especially after he failed to prevent Odubel Herrera baserunning gaffes. But firing him on a Friday instead of Sunday? That’s just classless.

-I’m confident in the Phils’ manager search, as long as they don’t do something ridiculous like interview Ruben Amaro, Jr.

-Yes, the Sixers gave Joel Embiid the same amount of years- and $23 million more dollars- than the Phillies gave Ryan Howard. Good thing Embiid doesn’t have Howard’s injury history.

-Where’s Carson Wentz’s nine-figure contract? Where’s Rhys Hoskins’? I hate how cheap our teams are.

Follow @FakeWIPCaller on Twitter.