Documentary

The role direct communication plays in growth of female athletes

The role direct communication plays in growth of female athletes

I don't need to go into all the reasons it's a good idea for girls to play sports.

You know by now that it teaches teamwork, leadership, time management, confidence, and strength.

I think an overlooked attribute girls develop from playing sports is how to communicate. As a former college athlete, current youth softball coach, and sports reporter, I'd like to share how sports has helped me become a better communicator.

I grew up playing soccer and softball year-round and enjoyed playing most sports for fun, with both girls and boys.

I noticed early on how my guy friends communicated with each other in sports. If they were mad because a teammate played poorly, or didn't see someone when they were open, they went right in each other's faces and told them to get their act together. That usually involved a bunch of swearing, and could even end up in a fist fight. But after that, they went back to being best buds like nothing ever happened!

I couldn't believe that.

RELATED: 'TOMBOY,' ELEVATING THE CONVERSATION ABOUT GENDER IN SPORTS AND BEYOND

From a girl's perspective, this was amazing. I mean, if one of my teammates was dogging it and not working hard, I always found the girls would talk behind her back and never, ever say anything to her face.

They would rarely say anything to the coach.

Even if the coach noticed (which of course they did) and said something, a lot of times behavior didn't change because there wasn't that peer pressure to help affect the change. I learned that the boys' way of communicating - direct and to the point - went a lot further to help the team.

I don't know why girls have a harder time doing that, but I suspect it has to do with confidence. Obviously direct communication doesn't mean a fist fight is the greatest outcome, but a direct conversation will affect change more often than just talking behind someone's back. I believe playing sports helps girls gain confidence, and it's importance to harness that in ways that will help them later in life also, like having the courage to communicate directly. This is something about which I continuously talk to my own daughters.

This lesson also helped me accept that "direct communication" in a positive way.

I always preferred the coach who told me where I stood.

Tell me I stunk.

Tell me where I messed up.

But please, please, please tell me how to fix it. Don't just lay into me and leave it. Lay into me, and then teach me.

Because of this mentality I had as an athlete, as I have grown up, I respect bosses and co-workers who do the same. This is why I always appreciated working for the late George Michael.

Man, he would get frustrated with this young 23-year old reporter. His temper was legendary. But after calling me and yelling at me 30 seconds after I got off the air, he always told me how much potential I had, and exactly what I could do to be better.

He was a teacher, and a coach, in addition to being a boss. Because of those lessons, he helped mold my career into what it is today. I appreciated the direct communication, and reciprocated that in return.

To me, teaching my young daughters to communicate directly is best illustrated through their sports. I love when I see them encouraging teammates in positive way to be better, and try harder, or asking coaches how they can be better, or how they can earn more playing time.

This is a lesson I learned through sports, and has certainly helped me in my professional career, and is now also helping me as a mom.

Jillian Mele: 'If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it'

Jillian Mele: 'If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it'

"Who did you sleep with to get this job?"

That was said to my face by a former co-worker at the start of our first day working together.  I was new at the station, young and excited to prove myself, and I knew it would be a long day. I had this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and I was fighting back tears, but the last thing I wanted to show was weakness. I knew I had to be strong -- for me.

I was a professional that day and we ended up doing a great story together, but the emotion was still reeling inside of me. We got in the news vehicle to drive an hour and a half back to the station and that same person said, "Wow. I thought you were just another blonde who didn't know her ass from her face but you actually know what you're doing. You are good." Was that supposed to be a compliment? Whatever it was supposed to be, I used it as fuel. I had a passion for this business ever since my internship at CSN years prior to this experience, and I wasn't going to let anyone get in my way.

I've spent time in both hard news and sports and as I transitioned into sports full time, one of the biggest challenges I found is having a professional relationship with athletes -- it's a delicate thing to do. More often than I would like to tell you, married athletes have asked me out, while other athletes have asked me to send them photos over the internet. Social media makes accessing people extremely easy, and I have sent countless messages over the years saying basically the same thing: "Thank you, I am flattered, but I am seeing someone," even if I was single. As a young intern in this business 12 years ago, I never knew how hard it would be to manage those relationships, but more than that, manage how it makes me feel.

As I've grown in the world of TV, the comments have started to roll in fast and furious, and the popularity of social media has certainly been a factor. People feel the constant need to comment on everything from my body to my clothes, my hair, my shoes, my teeth (yes, my teeth) and my opinions. People tell me exactly what they think, good or bad, and most of the time I like the fact that people are honest; it keeps me in check and makes me realize the impact I have on their lives. At the end of the day, I am a person with feelings just like you, so when someone tells me on Twitter that I should be fired from my job because I am awful, I'll be honest, it stings. I work endless hours when needed, I ask really tough questions because it is necessary, and I handle criticism because let's face it, for every bad comment there are about 20 good ones that truly mean something.

I love when parents tell me that I am a role model for their daughter, helping her see that she can do anything she wants, even in a male dominated industry like sports. To me, that is everything and makes it all worth it. I want to be a strong role model and continue to pave the way for women in sports, as other women have done before me.

Someone once asked who my daddy knew because I could not possibly have gotten a job in TV on my own. I was told I didn’t deserve it. I proudly told that person that my dad has a salvage yard and my mom is a nurse and they have supported me every step of the way on this journey but this, I did this on my own. My favorite quote puts it in perspective and has gotten me through many tough times as it will continue to do for years to come:

"It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great." -- A League of Their Own.

How Billie Jean King made me realize my dream

How Billie Jean King made me realize my dream

As the Booking Producer for Comcast Sportsnet for the last 8 years, I’ve had the pleasure of booking and interviewing some of the sports world’s biggest names on both a local and national level. Despite my own feelings of excitement to meet certain athletes, I still have to maintain a level of professionalism in those moments.  

Over the last eight years, there was one major exception: when I met a living legend, Billie Jean King. Now I’m a little young to remember Billie Jean King as the No. 1 ranked tennis player in the world -- I wasn’t even alive yet! But when I got my first job at CSN, my mom gave me an autographed BJK ball for my desk and said, "If it wasn’t for her, you probably wouldn’t have had the opportunity to choose this career path."

I keep the ball on my desk as a reminder of that moment with my mother, and as a reminder that as a women working in sports, I would always have to work just a little bit harder to earn the respect of my colleagues. So when Billie Jean King came in, I was so excited to show her the ball and tell her my story. She was immediately touched by it, agreed to take a picture with me and the ball to send to my mom. I was blown away by her kindness and enthusiasm and it was a moment I knew I would never forget. But what I didn’t know was the biggest moment was yet to come.  

After she completed the interview, I walked her to the door, thanked her and said goodbye. As she walked out she stopped, turned around and said "Hey Rachel, what is your dream?" 

I froze.

I completely panicked.  

I didn’t know what to say.  

I managed to muster out, "I’m not really sure." 

This answer was not sufficient for one of the greatest female pioneers to ever live. She gave me the death stare. She looked at me sternly and said, "You better have a better answer than that next time I see you." 

Then she added, "Aim high. There are no female decision makers in sports and we need more of them." 

As I walked back to my desk, I was so frustrated with myself. Did I really just tell Billie Jean King that I didn’t know what my dream was? This woman who is a pioneer for women’s rights and equality that fought for women like me to have the opportunities that I do, and I said I don’t know?! I began to think, do I know what my dream is? Do I have a dream? It was after that moment that I knew I had to figure this out.  

Over the next few years, this moment never left my head. There have been many ups and downs in my life, but I can proudly say now that I finally have an answer for you, Billie Jean. 

I’m living my dream. 

Growing up, I was never all that good at sports but was drawn to the thrill of competition. There aren’t many 10-year-old girls attending football games with their dads or spending their Sundays on the couch glued to every NFL game or watching Sunday Night Football in her college apartment while her roommates are watching the newest episode of Sex and The City.  

The "Tomboy" in me was drawn to this male-dominated world and if I couldn’t compete myself, I was going to find another way. I landed at CSN, in a job that I love. Everyday I live Philly sports and am surrounded by people that live it too. I’ve had to work extremely hard to prove myself and earn the respect of my male colleagues, and I’ve done it. 

On a personal level, I’m a mom to the most beautiful baby boy. I have a husband who supports me and holds down the fort at home when I have to work the non-traditional hours that the sports world demands. Being a working mom means having two full-time jobs, and while I’m far from perfect, I navigate the demands of those commitments daily and try to be the best that I can be at both. But I’m not done yet; there are still things I want to accomplish at both the personal and professional level. You said we need more decision-makers, and that’s my next goal. 

Thank you for putting me on the spot, Billie Jean. Without it, I’m not sure I would be where I am today. Thank you for inspiring women like me to work for their dream, to realize when they’re living it, and to never give up. For that, I am forever grateful.