Dude, You Should Totally Go to the Penn Relays This Weekend

Dude, You Should Totally Go to the Penn Relays This Weekend


Look,
I hate to be the one who breaks it to ya, but the Phillies stink.
They’re terrible. I mean, one of the guys on their team is named
“Laynce.” Not Lance. Laynce. That’s no way to spell a name. So the fact
that the Phils are playing at 1pm this Saturday doesn’t matter. You
don’t have to watch. Stop wasting your time, stop cheering for a bunch
of losers and go do something productive with your Saturday afternoon
for once in your boring, miserable life. Head down to Franklin Field for
the most awesome, ridiculous, exciting afternoon ever.


Don’t believe me?



Don’t think a track and field meet can be that exciting?



Keep reading, Laynce.



Keep reading.



Nonstop Bonkers Action

It
is IMPOSSIBLE to follow what the hell is going on at a track and field
meet. It’s a total whirlwind as there are approximately 37 events going
on at all times. At one end of the stadium, high school long jumpers
with really dumb haircuts pump up the crowd before launching themselves
for THE MOST IMPORTANT JUMP OF THEIR LIVES. At the other end, a
ridiculously hairy man from a country you’ve never heard of jams A GIANT
POLE INTO THE GROUND and flings himself 20 FEET INTO THE AIR like a
goddamn lunatic. If that’s not enough -- and you find yourself dizzy
from trying to keep up all the activity -- another guy SHOOTS A GUN AT
THE SKY reminding you that the LSU women’s 4x400 team and their
RIDICULOUSLY SHORT SHORTS / BATHING SUITS / WHAT DO YOU EVEN CALL THOSE
THINGS are about to run around the stadium WITH THIGHS SO STRONG THEY
COULD CRUSH YOUR FACE. It’s equal parts terrifying and wonderful. THE
GUN BLASTS COME OUT OF NOWHERE. It’s sort of erotic! You gotta see it to
believe it. I don’t know why you’re still reading this, just buy your
stupid tickets already. Just do it. What are you waiting for? Look here’s a link omg you’re so dumb just do it already, just do itttttt!!!



Tip #1 when attending: Get there early and walk around Penn’s campus.

Not
because it’s supposed to be a nice day or because Penn has a beautiful
campus (which it does), but because you’ll see tons of really really
good-looking incredibly fit athletes walking around in really dope track
suits. Sometimes you can find an entire team stretching in the park in
unbelievably compromising positions -- and even though looking at them
makes you feel horrible because you’re half the man/woman they are, it’s
still nice to stare at what the human form is supposed to look like.



USA vs. The World

All
relay races are exciting. That’s a fact. That’s a medical fact. Even
those ones where you have to carry a stupid egg on a stupid spoon and
everyone yells at you because you can’t do it and your spoon is warped!
Why do I always get a warped one?!?! But these USA vs. The World jawns
are INTENSE. Essentially, the USA enters two teams of olympic-caliber
sprinters (you’ll have heard of maybe three or four of them) to compete
against other teams made up of much more fair-skinned runners. No matter
if you’re a bike messenger from West Philly or a Princeton alum,
American pride will burst inside you as you cheer for eight American
athletes who up until that moment could’ve punched you in the face and
you wouldn’t have know who they were.




Jamaican People

Anyone
who’s not American in the crowd on Saturday will be something called a
“Jamaican.” You might be familiar with Jamaicans -- dreadlocks, Usain
Bolt, funnel cake -- but you’ve never seen ANYTHING like the Jamaicans
at Franklin Field. Screaming, chanting, TUBE TOPS. Let me tell you
something. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. Jamaicans really really really
like sprinting, like REALLY like sprinting, and they’re really really
good at it.



You
know your stupid younger cousin who LOVES chicken fingers? Like, he
can’t get enough, eats them at every meal and completely freaks out
whenever you eat one off his plate even though it had been sitting there
for like 30 minutes and he was totally done with them! Yo, that’s what
Jamaican people are like with sprinting. Except, it has nothing to do
with chicken fingers and that was a horrible analogy, but you get the
point. They go absolutely mental for the sport. Usain Bolt!



High
school Jamaican kids DOMINATE the Penn Relays and they have AMAZING
haircuts. There are colleges from Jamaica, too. Who knew there were
colleges in Jamaica? Why didn’t my stupid high school guidance counselor
tell me there were colleges in Jamaica? I went to college in friggin’
Maryland. MARYLAND. Do you know how dumb that was? Do you have any idea?
Applebee’s. We had an Applebee’s on campus. Have you ever eaten at an
Applebee’s? No, of course you haven’t. It’s the only smart thing you’ve
ever done in your stupid life. Also the Jamaican jerk chicken at
Franklin Field is INCREDIBLE.



Tip #2 when attending: Buy a program.

It
seems ridiculous, I know. Spending 10 bucks on a magazine that you’ll
never look at it again, but it is TOTALLY WORTH IT. The program comes
with a schedule of all the races, so you can see what people are running
when, and when it’s safe to go spend an hour waiting in line for jerk
chicken. That thing will be your HOLY BIBLE, and you’ll feel like the
smartest dude around as you tell everyone in your section, “UP NEXT IS
THE CENTRAL LEAGUE 4X800. MARPLE NEWTOWN WON LAST YEAR IN A PHOTO FINISH
AND RIDLEY’S 1974 TEAM HOLDS THE ALL-TIME RECORD. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I
SPENT 10 DOLLARS ON A MAGAZINE. IT HAS GLOSSY PICTURES AND A COUPON FOR
10% OFF DRY CLEANING. I AM THE KING OF SECTION 237. I AM THE
KINGGGGGG!”




Franklin Field

Built by Ben Franklin himself! The Father of Track and Field! It has a clock!



Admit It, Just Admit It, You Don’t Have Anything to Do on Saturday

Do
you know who the starting pitcher is for the Phillies on Saturday?
Jonathan Pettibone. Yep, Jonathan Pettibone. Not Jonathan Papelbon.
Jonathan Pettibone. That’s a person. A real, live, human person. And
he’s pitching for THE GREATEST STAFF OF ALL TIME on Saturday afternoon.
Ughhghhhh. Is it that hard for Ryan Howard to hit a ground ball down the
third base line??? HOW HARD IS THAT???   



Tip #3: Bring sunscreen!!!


NBC Sports Philadelphia Internship - Advertising/Sales

plain-peacock-logo.png

NBC Sports Philadelphia Internship - Advertising/Sales

Position Title: Intern
Department: Advertising/Sales
Company: NBC Sports Philadelphia
# of hours / week: 10 – 20 hours

Deadline: November 20

Basic Function

This position will work closely with the Vice President of Sales in generating revenue through commercial advertisements and sponsorship sales. The intern will gain first-hand sales experience through working with Sales Assistants and AEs on pitches, sales-calls and recapping material.

Duties and Responsibilities

• Assist Account Executive on preparation of Sales Presentations
• Cultivate new account leads for local sales
• Track sponsorships in specified programs
• Assist as point of contact with sponsors on game night set up and pre-game hospitality elements.
• Assist with collection of all proof of performance materials.
• Perform Competitive Network Analysis
• Update Customer database
• Other various projects as assigned

Requirements

1. Good oral and written communication skills.
2. Knowledge of sports.
3. Ability to work non-traditional hours, weekends & holidays
4. Ability to work in a fast-paced, high-pressure environment
5. Must be 19 years of age or older
6. Must be a student in pursuit of an Associate, Bachelor, Master or Juris Doctor degree
7. Must have unrestricted authorization to work in the US
8. Must have sophomore standing or above
9. Must have a 3.0 GPA

Interested students should apply here and specify they're interested in the ad/sales internship.

About NBC internships

Carson Wentz feels 5-1 Eagles 'just wired different this year'

Carson Wentz feels 5-1 Eagles 'just wired different this year'

There's something special going on around here, and Carson Wentz isn't afraid to say it.

“We’re made different this year," Wentz said after practice Thursday. "We have a different character make-up in that locker room, and nobody’s going to ever settle for anything less than greatness. So we’re going to go out there every day and attack it.”

The Eagles, 5-1, go for their fifth straight win Monday night against the Redskins, who they beat on opening day at FedEx Field.

Wentz, in only his second season, has elbowed his way into the NFL MVP conversation. His emergence as the unquestioned leader of this team has mirrored the team's emergence as one of the NFL's elite teams.

Wentz spoke Thursday about how he sensed something different, something special, as far back as spring workouts.

“You could just see it, even going back to OTAs," he said. "You could see the competitive nature, even in practice. You couldn’t wear pads. You couldn’t even press cover outside. You could just see the competitive nature.

"And then through training camp, it just kept getting elevated even more. You could just see it from the leadership on down. We’re just wired different this year.”

When Wentz tells his teammates to strive for greatness, they listen, because here's a kid who in just 22 career games has established himself as one of the NFL's best young quarterbacks. He has 13 touchdowns and just three interceptions this year and has posted a passer rating of 90 or higher in five of six games.

“It’s something that we always strive for," Wentz said. "And really, in everything we do in life, you strive for greatness.

"When we’re sitting where we’re at right now, we can just never let that slip. We can never let that slip from our preparation in the film room, the meeting room, the weight room, in practice, so that’s just something I feel like we have to always keep focusing on.

"Never settle, never settle, and just keep striving for that greatness.”

Wentz said he didn't feel anything lacking last year, when the Eagles went 7-9 and missed the playoffs for a third straight year.

It's just that head coach Doug Pederson is in Year 2, coordinators Frank Reich and Jim Schwartz are in Year 2 and Wentz is in Year 2.

The whole program is in Year 2 and there's a confidence, an attitude, a swagger that was nowhere to be found last year or really the last few years.

“I think it was just a natural growth," Wentz said. "You go back and look at last season again. We were so close in so many of those ballgames but [it's] just the natural growth that’s taken place both from coach and just really all of us being in this together and having a year under our belt."