The Evster: Are you ready for co-ed beer league softball or WHAT?!?

The Evster: Are you ready for co-ed beer league softball or WHAT?!?

Uncle Ivan's Clam Shack, 6th place, Manayunk Sport & Social League (2002)

Before Hurricane Bing Bong hit Philadelphia this week and flooded baseball diamonds all over the area, co-ed softball liggs were prepping for opening day. Lucky for you, and the fact that you have NO IDEA where your cleats are, you've got another week to get ready before pulling every muscle in your dumb, fat body.

First things first, you need to find your glove. It could be in your trunk, it could be in your closet, it could literally be in your goddamn refrigerator. Seriously, when are you gonna clean that thing out? You have, no lie, probably 13 bottles of bleu cheese dressing jammed up in there. Just make sure that before next week's game, you give yourself an extra 30 to 4,000 minutes in the morning to find that jawn. You should also probably stretch before you go to work, because there's no way you're gonna get down and do butterflies in the wet, glass-covered grass. Take it from me, there is nothing worse than playing right field with a dripping wet ass. That comes from experience. I've had a dripping wet ass every day for the last 30 years of my life. I do however know where my baseball glove is... that's not true. That is simply not true.

Next, you need to play a new position. No more of this shortstop nonsense. Nobody's impressed by a guy who stops grounders with his eyeball. Have you seen some of these local infields? They're like a whack-a-mole board. I once tried to turn a double play at a middle school in Roxborough and got my foot stuck in a goddamn sink hole. During the 4th inning, Elmer Fudd stuck his big, bald head out and asked if I'd seen any wabbits. OMG that was the stupidest joke I've ever written. JK I kinda liked it!

Chicks past the age of 24 don't care how much range you have going to your left. That's high school stuff. Now they just want a dude who wears age-appropriate clothing and is not still on his parents' T-Mobile plan. That's why I play left field. By far the laziest/dopest position in the game.

This person is married to an actual woman.

No one bothers you in left. You just stand out there with your hat cocked to the side, feeling the breeze on your neck while skin cancer grows on top of your ears. And there's no better place to patrol left field than the Belmont Plateau in Fairmount Park. It's an incredible atmosphere at the Plat: marijuana smoke wafting in the air, stray dogs diggin' into dumpsters, dudes riding four-wheelers who are probably no older than 16 months old. My dream in life is to be just chillin' out in left, dancing to the beats from the parking lot, and then catch a fly ball whilst dancing. Like, not even missing a step, just shimmying up to the ball and catching it like a true asshole. My other dream in life is to go to a fraternity party and have someone be like, "Yo, the DJ didn't show up! Are there any turntablists in the house?!" And then I lower my sunglasses and whip off my belt and say, "Right here, Rico," and then spend the rest of the night blowing people's balls off by doing that lean to the side/behind the back record scratch move while all the honeys chant, "Evvvvvvvsssttteerrrrrrr!!! Evvvvvvsssttteerrrr!!!" My third dream in life is to eat a tuna melt without filling my pants with shit.

But enough about me, you're gonna do most of your damage AT THE PLATE, so you need to get one of those bonkers ceramic bats. I don't even know if that's what they're called, "ceramic bats," I just mean the ones that are white, and super light and make a popping noise when you connect. I have never seen a ball go further than when someone uses one of those bats. It's unfair. It's totally unfair. I'm sitting here twirling around an Easton 32/28, while other dudes are jackin' fools with a piece of fine handcrafted pottery.

Lastly, let's talk about those sweatpants. If you wanna wear 'em, that's fine, go for it. I fully support you wanting to show off your dork in any and all social environments. Growing up, no one ever wanted to show off their dorks. But once you turn 30, and fully recognize that women like to be told what to do in the bedroom, pressing your dork against the front of your pants becomes a pre-requisite. I'm not sure what it's a pre-requisite for, but it's definitely a pre-requisite. Regardless, when you wear sweatpants you feel more inclined to slide into home plate. And that's just wrong. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something right now. Don't ever, ever, ever slide into the rocky dirt by home plate. It's not worth it. Nothing is worth that. Some of the most disgusting, puss cover wounds have been created by idiots who tried to dip under a catcher's tag. No one cares if you win the stupid game for your stupid team. And no one's gonna help you dress that wound the next day. Or next week. Your leg might be scarred 4 LYFE. My Uncle Ivan still walks with a limp because he tried to stretch a double into a triple. Also he has chronic hemorrhoids.

Play ball, everybody.

Or don't.

Doesn't matter to me. I'm going to Dick's to buy new sweatpants.

Follow The Evster @TVMWW.

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NBC Sports Philadelphia Internship - Advertising/Sales

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NBC Sports Philadelphia Internship - Advertising/Sales

Position Title: Intern
Department: Advertising/Sales
Company: NBC Sports Philadelphia
# of hours / week: 10 – 20 hours

Deadline: November 20

Basic Function

This position will work closely with the Vice President of Sales in generating revenue through commercial advertisements and sponsorship sales. The intern will gain first-hand sales experience through working with Sales Assistants and AEs on pitches, sales-calls and recapping material.

Duties and Responsibilities

• Assist Account Executive on preparation of Sales Presentations
• Cultivate new account leads for local sales
• Track sponsorships in specified programs
• Assist as point of contact with sponsors on game night set up and pre-game hospitality elements.
• Assist with collection of all proof of performance materials.
• Perform Competitive Network Analysis
• Update Customer database
• Other various projects as assigned

Requirements

1. Good oral and written communication skills.
2. Knowledge of sports.
3. Ability to work non-traditional hours, weekends & holidays
4. Ability to work in a fast-paced, high-pressure environment
5. Must be 19 years of age or older
6. Must be a student in pursuit of an Associate, Bachelor, Master or Juris Doctor degree
7. Must have unrestricted authorization to work in the US
8. Must have sophomore standing or above
9. Must have a 3.0 GPA

Interested students should apply here and specify they're interested in the ad/sales internship.

About NBC internships

Eagles-Redskins predictions by our (cough) experts

Eagles-Redskins predictions by our (cough) experts

For the second straight game, the Birds are in primetime. And this time, it's in front of the home fans. 

Following last week's Thursday night win over the Panthers, the 5-1 Eagles host the 3-2 Redskins Monday night (8:30 p.m./ESPN).

It's a massive opportunity to sweep the Redskins and take control of the NFC East. 

Our experts provide their predictions for Week 7:

Reuben Frank (6-0)
Do you really think I’m going to pick against the Eagles now? Heck, I might not pick against them the rest of the year. Maybe at Seattle. Honestly, I look at the schedule and the way they’re playing? The way Carson Wentz is playing? Unless something fundamental changes — which in this league is always possible — it could be a while before they lose a football game. The Eagles are rolling in all phases, and Monday night will be a good test — the Redskins are 3-1 since losing the opener to the Eagles, with the only loss to the same Chiefs team that handed the Eagles their only loss. The 'Skins are sixth in offense and 12th in defense. They lead the NFL in yards per pass play. They can be explosive. They’re eighth in rush defense. Nothing will come easy for the Eagles Monday night. But the Redskins are not coming into the Linc and winning. Eagles go to 6-1 and virtually clinch the NFC East Monday night with a win.

Eagles 31, Redskins 21

Dave Zangaro (4-2)
Washington seems like a much more dangerous team than the one the Eagles faced in the opener on Sept. 10. 

But the Eagles are a heckuva lot more dangerous too. 

Since the Eagles went to Washington and came away with a win in the opener, Washington has gone 3-1. But the Eagles have gone 4-1 with the one loss coming to the Chiefs. The Eagles have the best record in football. 

So sure, they shouldn't head into this Monday night game expecting a cakewalk but they should absolutely expect to win. They're the better team. 

Kirk Cousins has played well as of late but the Eagles' defensive line was able to get after him in Week 1. If that group does it again, it won't matter how good Cousins is throwing the ball. As good as Cousins has been recently, Wentz has been equally impressive, vaulting his name into the forefront of the MVP conversation. This week he'll go against a banged up Washington secondary. 

The Eagles have a chance to further extend their lead in the NFC East and they shouldn't have a problem doing it. 

Eagles 31, Redskins 23

Derrick Gunn (5-1)
Because they have the best record in the NFC, the Eagles have a huge target on their backs and everybody is gunning for them. On Monday night, the Redskins are hoping to take them down a notch. The ‘Skins come limping to the Linc. Their star rookie defensive lineman Jonathan Allen is done for the year with a Lisfranc injury. Their starting cornerbacks Josh Norman (rib) and Bashaud Breeland (knee) both might miss this key divisional showdown.

Wentz has the Eagles' offense rolling, and the defense has been rock solid against the run. Cousins will go after a Birds secondary ranked 29th against the pass (273.5 yards per game). One of the key matchups to watch closely is how the Eagles will try to defend against ‘Skins running back Chris Thompson, who is Washington’s leading rusher. More importantly, he’s their leading receiver, averaging 18.9 yards per catch.

In Week 1 the Eagles sacked Cousins 4 times, but since then he’s only been sacked 4 times. The Birds broke the ‘Skins jinx in the season opener. I look for the home team to make it a season sweep.

Eagles 28, Redskins 24

Ray Didinger (5-1)
The Redskins are playing better now than they were when the Eagles defeated them in Week 1. The offense is more balanced and they have found an explosive weapon at running back in Thompson, who is averaging almost 19 yards per reception. The defense is not making as many mental mistakes but it will miss top draft pick Allen, who broke his foot last week.

Still, the formula for beating the Redskins is the same as it was a month ago and that is getting pressure on Cousins. The Redskins quarterback is having a good year — his 106.4 passer rating trails only Alex Smith and Tom Brady — but if the Eagles can harass Cousins as effectively as they did in the opener they will complete the season sweep of the Redskins. I think they will.

Eagles 30, Redskins 21

Andrew Kulp (5-1)
Everything points to the Eagles here. They’re a hot team, well rested, the offense is clicking and the quarterback is absolutely feeling it. Washington will be without Norman and possibly Breeland at cornerback as well, among other injuries, so this is a shorthanded group.

The only concerns are it’s a divisional matchup, which tend to be close games, and whether the extra few days off knocks the Eagles out of a rhythm. Otherwise, it’s clear which is the healthier and more talented squad. Oh yeah, and the capacity Lincoln Financial Field crowd is going to be extra lathered up for a Monday night.

Eagles 41, Redskins 24

Corey Seidman (3-3)
The Eagles are getting healthier and the Redskins are not. First-round defensive lineman Allen is out for the season, and both of Washington's starting cornerbacks (Norman and Breeland) are banged up.

Add in the fact that the Redskins haven't yet been able to get Terrelle Pryor or Jordan Reed going and this just looks like an Eagles win, which would give them a commanding lead in the NFC East and go a long way toward helping them secure a playoff bye. Yep, I'm already going there.

Zach Ertz dominates the 'Skins again, Alshon Jeffery finds pay dirt and the Eagles improve to 6-1.

Eagles 31, Redskins 23

Andy Schwartz (5-1) 
No suspense here.

After an impressive victory over the Panthers, how can we pick the Eagles to lose?

Which doesn’t mean they won’t. Every team throws in a clunker now and then. But until this team does, I’m not going to predict it. Especially when they’re well rested and playing at home against a team they’ve already beaten this season.

The Eagles are favored by 4.5 with an over/under of 48.5. Seems about right. A late Jake Elliott field goal covers the spread but isn’t enough for the over.

Eagles 27, Redskins 20