The Evster Searches the Internets for the Best Chris Wheeler

The Evster Searches the Internets for the Best Chris Wheeler

Chris Wheeler is obviously not the best broadcaster in the biz (that’d be the “Boom Goes the Dynamite Guy”), but he’s also not the worst (that’d be Tim McCarver). He’s just Chris Wheeler. Just plain ole, normal, not that interesting, perfectly fine, whatever, he’s a white dude, Chris Wheeler.

And it’s not like we expect the Phillies to hire the greatest commentators in the country, but we do at least expect them to employ the greatest Chris Wheeler. So I figured why not do some internet sleuthing to see how the Phillies’ Chris Wheeler stacked up against other Chris Wheelers.

This is Chris Wheeler. A young professional from Seattle who may or may not use product in his hair. It’s hard to tell. He seems like a nice enough guy, has a well-kept beard, some stylish glasses, but what is a Senior Technical Program Manager? That’s a job? He made up that job, didn’t he? Or is that just a fancy title for a computer geek? This guy is definitely a computer geek. A computer geek with over 500 connections on LinkedIn. Who the hell uses LinkedIn??? Ugh, what a dufus. Edge: Phillies Chris Wheeler.

This is ChrisTOPHER Wheeler, PhD, aka Mr. Fancy Pants Look at Me I Like to Spell Out My Whole Name Doctor Guy. A brilliant scientist who specializes in cancer research -- and is probably a wonderful, caring person -- but get over yourself dude with your white coat you think you’re better than me? You think you’re better than me, don’t you? Whatever, no one reads the Journal of Neuro-Oncology, buddy, whereas I know for a fact that literally DOZENS of people read my How To Make Your Own Jersey post. Edge: Phillies Chris Wheeler.

Ohhhhh, baby! Now this, this is a Chris Wheeler. I found this Chris Wheeler on Facebook, and he's obviously a mega cool dude. Forget about his saggy nips and beet-red sunburnt chest, look at this guy’s girlfriend! Good for you, Chris Wheeler! Good for you! I don’t know how you snagged that bathing beaut, but I’m proud of you, buddy! And I see you trying to slide in there and smell her hair! Veteran move, Wheels! Veteran move! Edge: This guy!

Okay.

Okay okay okay okay. Forget about the hair. Just forget about the hair. This Chris Wheeler, or “Wheeler” as his friends call him (found that out on his website, CHRIS WHEELER DOT ORG), gives motivational speeches to Christian youths by “bringing the bible to life.” According to his bio on CHRISWHEELER DOT ORG NOT COM BUT ORG, Wheeler connects with youngsters through his “various sound effects and beat-box skills.” Wow. Deep breath, Evster, deep breath. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Okay. You know what, Chris Wheeler? You know what? Nice job. Edge: Phillies Chris Wheeler.


Here we go. This Chris Wheeler looks dope. A brotha, a filmmaker, a strong Charles Barkley-esque mustache circa 1987, I think I could get on board with Chris Wheeler Films. Check out the passion in Chris Wheeler’s eyes -- looking off into the distance, visualizing his next shot, taking in the crisp, salty ocean air, with a nice clean Hanes crew neck T-shirt underneath that polo jawn. There’s only one problem:

DUDE MAKES WEDDING VIDEOS.

[vimeo w=400&h=300]

You don’t even have to watch that video. I’m not even sure why I embedded it. IT’S SO BORING. There’s only one part worth checkin’ out: at the :45 second mark, the groom tries to take off the bride’s garter, and it’s sort of hot for like three seconds, but then Wheeler (in classic Wheeler fashion!) cuts to a shot of the bride and groom staring off into the distance. Ughhhghhh. Edge: Phillies Chris Wheeler


I’m sure Chris Wheeler’s trip to Europe was very exciting for him. Probably saw some sights, ate some scones, he might’ve even met some hairy women. But I have never, ever, EVER, in my entire life, seen a man with the ability to look so identical in every one of his vacation photos. I guess in the middle photo he’s sort of trying to smile, but I just can’t get behind a dude who wears his sunglasses on the top of his head. I’m sorry, Chris Wheeler, I’m just a horrible person. And you might be the clammiest Chris Wheeler on the planet. Edge: Phillies Chris Wheeler.

Well, there you have it, folks. Phillies Chris Wheeler seems to be better than 5 out of 6 Chris Wheelers. We definitely coulda done worse.

Then again, we definitely coulda done better.

Simply the best.

The Evster writes the blog TV My Wife Watches where he writes about TV his wife watches. He also sometimes writes about sports for us. You can follow him on Twitter @TVMWW, or you could go get yourself a sandwich. That’d probably be the better thing to do. You gotta be starving.

NBC Sports Philadelphia Internship - Advertising/Sales

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NBC Sports Philadelphia Internship - Advertising/Sales

Position Title: Intern
Department: Advertising/Sales
Company: NBC Sports Philadelphia
# of hours / week: 10 – 20 hours

Deadline: November 20

Basic Function

This position will work closely with the Vice President of Sales in generating revenue through commercial advertisements and sponsorship sales. The intern will gain first-hand sales experience through working with Sales Assistants and AEs on pitches, sales-calls and recapping material.

Duties and Responsibilities

• Assist Account Executive on preparation of Sales Presentations
• Cultivate new account leads for local sales
• Track sponsorships in specified programs
• Assist as point of contact with sponsors on game night set up and pre-game hospitality elements.
• Assist with collection of all proof of performance materials.
• Perform Competitive Network Analysis
• Update Customer database
• Other various projects as assigned

Requirements

1. Good oral and written communication skills.
2. Knowledge of sports.
3. Ability to work non-traditional hours, weekends & holidays
4. Ability to work in a fast-paced, high-pressure environment
5. Must be 19 years of age or older
6. Must be a student in pursuit of an Associate, Bachelor, Master or Juris Doctor degree
7. Must have unrestricted authorization to work in the US
8. Must have sophomore standing or above
9. Must have a 3.0 GPA

Interested students should apply here and specify they're interested in the ad/sales internship.

About NBC internships

Flyers Notes: Connor McDavid comes to town; Matt Read to play?

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Flyers Notes: Connor McDavid comes to town; Matt Read to play?

Believe it or not, the Flyers are "aware" of 21-year-old Oilers phenom Connor McDavid. That doesn't make preparing for the 2017 Art Ross Trophy (most points in NHL) winner any easier, let alone slow him down.

“You have to be understated a little bit and say you're going to be aware when he's on the ice, but obviously there's more to it," Flyers coach Dave Hakstol said of McDavid Friday. "He's a heck of a player and a guy that can make something happen at any time.”

McDavid has picked up right where he left off last season when he led the NHL with 100 points and 70 assists. Six games into the '17-18 campaign, the third-year centerman already has three goals and five assists, and he's doing it in style. His two helpers helped lift Edmonton over the Blackhawks on Thursday, one of which led to the game-winner in overtime, the other — a no-look, behind-the-back pass — making highlight reels everywhere.

So, yeah, the Flyers are well aware of McDavid and what he's capable of. That doesn't mean he'll be easy to stop.

"We just have to take time and space away from him," defenseman Shayne Gostisbehere said. "That's the biggest thing. You just can't give him the space out there. He's going to wind it up and wheel.

“We're aware of it. We're going to stick to our gameplan, nothing special, but obviously be aware when he's on the ice.”

The Flyers knew all about McDavid last season, too. He still managed to find the back of the net twice and rack up three assists in those two meetings.

McDavid has also experienced success against both of the Flyers netminders. As a member of the Flames, probable starter Brian Elliott posted an 0-3-1 record with a .870 save percentage in four appearances against the Oilers in '16-17. Michal Neuvirth was 0-1 and allowed six goals in his only meeting.

It seems all the Flyers can do is be aware of the challenges McDavid presents.

"Probably everywhere they go, they have reporters asking the other team what their plan is against him," Elliott said.

“He's just a unique talent that you have to be aware of at all times. He's able to make plays that a lot of other guys aren't. You just have to be on your toes. You have to respect him, but you have to play your game and make sure you're tough no matter who it is out there.”

Laughton confident
Brandon Manning isn't the only member of the Flyers who has experience with McDavid.  Scott Laughton has been up close and personal with the budding superstar, having played against each other in juniors and gone to some of the same camps.

With Laughton centering the fourth line, he should have some opportunities to put his familiarity of McDavid to the test. The Flyers are going to need any advantage they can get — no matter how small or insignificant it might seem.

"I went to a pro camp with McDavid in Toronto in the summer, and he's special," Laughton said. "He's got the best hands I've seen. He's a world-class talent.

“At the same time, tomorrow I'm going to try to limit his space, get in his face and make it hard for him to get going and get speed. I think I can try to keep up with him once I get my speed going.”

Laughton seemed confident about potentially matching up against McDavid. At least he has a plan, anyway.

“There's not much you can do," Laughton said. You just have to be hard to play against, be in his face all night and kind of get him off his game that way.”

Injury report
Flyers forwards Wayne Simmonds and Taylor Leier both missed Friday's skate with what the club termed as maintenance days.

Simmonds was already dealing with a lower-body injury before he was clipped in the face by a stick during Thursday's 1-0 loss to the Predators. It doesn't sound like anything that should prevent the 10-year veteran from suiting up against the Oilers, but clearly, he's banged up right now.

Leier's absence was a bit more of a mystery, and given the 23-year-old rookie's inexperience, missing practice would seem to point to an injury of some kind.

In a bit of good news on the injury front, Jordan Weal returned to practice for the Flyers. However, he refused to let on as to whether he'll be on the ice Saturday.

“Just got out there, went for a twirl," Weal said. "It's day-to-day right now, so just taking it day-by-day.”

Matt Read replaced Simmonds during the skate, and could be preparing to make his regular-season debut. Read joined Weal and Valtteri Filppula on Simmonds' unit, while Jori Lehtera took Leier's place on the fourth line.

Don't read too much into those combinations, however, as the availability of Simmonds, Weal and Leier will no doubt play a role.

Sanheim sticks in the lineup
Following his strong showing against Nashville on Thursday, it appears rookie defenseman Travis Sanheim will suit up for his second game in a row.

Sanheim was a healthy scratch for the Flyers' previous two contests but drew rave reviews for his performance against the Predators. He was paired with Radko Gudas at practice, while Gostisbehere and Robert Hagg continued their partnership.

Manning may be the odd man out on Saturday, despite his history with McDavid. Ivan Provorov and Andrew MacDonald remained a unit at practice, with Manning getting some work in MacDonald's spot.

Manning was hopeful he would be in uniform. Hakstol, on the other hand, downplayed Manning's personal rivalry with McDavid as it pertains to any decision about which defensemen will skate.

“It's a situation for us every game where we have that tough decision," Hakstol said. "Regardless of whether it's one particular team, we'll look at it situationally and consider all of those factors as to who the six are that dress tomorrow. There's a lot of different factors involved."