The700Level

Gabe Kapler is not a Philly Guy

Gabe Kapler is not a Philly Guy

You just knew the Phillies weren’t going to going to hire a manager with any experience, authority, or independence. The arrogant Matt Klentak would never allow it. Know how we know that? Klentak was way too insecure to interview the recently-fired, World Series-winning manager of the Yankees, and he only briefly interviewed the recently-fired, World Series-winning manager of the Red Sox.

But Gabe Kapler? Please. Who is this guy? He’s never managed before. He played for seven teams, but none of them were the Phillies. He’s not from here, and let’s face it: he’s very much Not a Philly Guy. Have you seen those muscle photos of him? Does he look to you like a guy who’s ever eaten a cheesesteak in his life?

If a guy doesn’t look like a plausible Wing Bowl contender, I don’t trust him to run my team.

Even worse? Kapler believes in that analytics nonsense. And he used to write a blog, where he talked about fitness, lifestyle tips, and some really disgusting uses of coconut oil. I really think that last thing is what’s going to sink Kapler’s chances to win over this team. Because if there’s anything I know about baseball locker rooms, it’s that they have no tolerance for vulgarity.

And besides, we already tried hiring a guy in this town who cared a lot about nutrition. Remind me again how it all turned out for Chip Kelly? If Kapler gets rid of Taco Tuesday, I’m out.

I know what the Phillies are trying to do here. They’re trying to get one over on us. Why do you think they announced the hire just days after another Eagles win? And it’s not a coincidence that Kapler was introduced while Angelo was in the hospital. They stole that trick from the time the Eagles fired Joe Banner.

Sure, there’s always a chance Kapler’s muscles will scare Odubel Herrera into stopping the bat flips and baserunning gaffes. But what if they don’t?

Look at all the ex-Phillies out there who could have made good managers: Larry Bowa. Mike Schmidt. Juan Samuel. Lenny Dykstra. Mitch Williams. Who’s done more for the Phillies organization -- Gabe Kapler, or Pete Rose? Not even a close call if you ask me.

Other Philly Sports Takes:

- As for the Sixers? Even if they have a .500 record, Embiid is healthy and people are actually going to games, sorry, I’m still not sold. Markelle Fultz is obviously missing this whole season and probably next, and I’m still not over the Sam Hinkie nonsense. After all, when was the last time a team, in any sport, tanked their way to a championship?

And no, the Astros don’t count -- they only won because they fired Ed Wade.

- The Eagles are 7-1. I have no complaints. But even so: Sunday against Denver is a must-win.

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The Eagles won the Super Bowl! So how come I'm not happy?

eagles-champions.jpg
USA Today Images

The Eagles won the Super Bowl! So how come I'm not happy?

It’s now been two weeks since the Eagles finally won their first Super Bowl. In that time, I’ve re-watched the game five times, re-watched the parade 15 times, and purchased six Super Bowl champions t-shirts, four sweatshirts and five hats. And that’s just from the next morning.

We won, like I’ve always wanted. We’re Super Bowl champs. It wasn’t a dream. I was led to believe that once the impossible happened and we reached the promised land, I'd have nothing more to worry about, ever again. 

So how come I’m still not happy?

I’ll tell you why: It’s because of Cris Collinsworth’s bias. And the unfair coverage of our celebrations; the national media won’t tell you this, but once the Super Bowl was over, not a single Eagles fan punched a horse.

There were the ridiculous crowd-size estimates. And Mike Francesa objecting to Jason Kelce’s language and calling for him to be cut. And the oddsmakers putting our Super Bowl odds below the Patriots’.  And Duracell, for that tweet about Philly fans throwing batteries. Disgraceful. From now on, I’m only throwing Energizers. I’ve also yet to hear an apology from Donovan McNabb, Andy Reid or Joe Banner for not winning us a Super Bowl before now.

At the parade, as we all remember, Jason Kelce sang “no one likes us, we don’t care!” But he was wrong. I care.

Maybe I’m not used to the feeling yet. Maybe it’s because I’ve been chasing this my whole life, and at this point, what else is there to chase? Maybe this sort of existential despair is what I’ve been fearing all along.

Nah, who am I kidding. It’s Cris Collinsworth.

Anyway, here’s my solution for the quarterback thing: Play Carson Wentz, AND Nick Foles. At the same time. Defenses won’t know what hit them, and besides, I’ve got a feeling if it comes down to it, Foles would make a hell of a wide receiver.

So don’t trade Foles. But DO trade Nate Sudfeld. I bet Cleveland would give up a 1 and a 4.

Other Philly sports takes:

- I’ll tell you what, Markelle Fultz caught a break. If not for the Eagles making a Super Bowl run and winning, he’d be all we had to talk about for the past month.

- The Michael Carter-Williams trade was three years ago this week, and let me tell you, I’m still mad about that.

- Jason Kelce appeared in Clearwater for the start of the Phillies’ spring training this week. I just wish he’d go through the entire Phils roster and list everyone’s faults and weaknesses.

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Mike Francesa admits to not really knowing what he was talking about with Kelce's speech

Mike Francesa admits to not really knowing what he was talking about with Kelce's speech

Mike Francesa probably wears flip flops in the city in the middle of winter.

The former radio host absolutely tore into Jason Kelce last week for his legendary speech on the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art. Francesa even went so far as to say Jeff Lurie should cut Kelce for it.

Now, Francesa did a total 180 on it. 

Just to refresh, here's what he said last week:

“Should have stayed home, the jerk," Francesa begins on Kelce. "Why is that I have to be in my car when these guys win championships, and they decide that they are going to grace the audience with this profanity-laced stupidity. You gotta turn it off, your kids can’t even listen it. He sounded like a total moron. How about going up there and acting like a champion and not acting like a total moron? I turn that stuff off. I’ve seen LeBron James do that, now I’ve seen him do that. You know what? It’s not the time or place. You ever heard of winning like a champion? Somebody should have taken a hook and pulled him off.”

And here's what he had to say today as a guest on Angelo Cataldi's morning show on 94 WIP:

Bottom line is, I went back last night and watched the thing in its entirety, and I have to say, it was not as bad as I thought it was when I watched it and got to see it. I wish he hadn’t used any profanity because it would have been a classic, it was really well done, he did a great job. I thought it was one that would last and could be used a long time. I know it’s popular in Philly even with the profanity but to me those are such special moments that I wish they would raise their level. I’d like to see them do it so they can be used time and time again. Take the profanity out of it.

No. 1, I overreacted. I wouldn’t cut him. I take that back, I apologize to Kelce for that. No. 2, it was not as bad as I thought. I just wish he had raised his vocabulary a little. That was a great speech. He did a great job. 

"Should have stayed home, the jerk!" to "That was a great speech. He did a great job." Okay.

I guess the first step is admitting you have a problem.

You can listen to the full interview here.