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Ravens-Dolphins was a joke masquerading as professional sports


Ravens-Dolphins was a joke masquerading as professional sports

The year is 2117.

A hologram of a college professor lectures his class, one with students from around the world, on social activities of the past century. 

A student, chimes in, using a hand emoji in Slack to get the professor's attention.

"Why again did people stop playing football?," the student types.

"Ravens 40, Dolphins 0. Thursday, Oct. 26, 2017," the responds. "That's why."

The Ravens' 40-point shellacking of the Dolphins was calamitous and grotesque. It was bad football wrapped in more bad football, presented as appointment viewing on national television.

This wasn't a game worthy of national television. This wasn't a game worthy of being played at all.

The only appointment is the one Joe Flacco will need to have with several doctors after Kiko Alonso attempted to dislodge the quarterback's frontal lobe from his skull.

Alonso's team lost by 40 points.

With Flacco sidelined, the Ravens turned to Ryan Mallett, he of the 66.1 career passer rating at eight career touchdowns to 10 career interceptions. 

Mallett finished with 20 yards on 3-of-7 passing and one touchdown. He was also on the receiving end of a straight choke hold from Dolphins defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh.

Suh's team lost by 40 points.

Matt Moore, the Dolphins quarterback, was not maimed or assaulted by his competition. But he did complete just 25 of his 44 pass attempts, finishing with 176 yards and two interceptions. The Dolphins running backs Jay Ajayi and Kenyan Drake combined for just 45 yards on 19 carries. Their team lost by 40 points.

But it wasn't all bad.

Here is a video of an actual cat running on to the field.

It was the best play of the game.

Back in the future, another student weighs in. "What happened to the cat? Was it OK?"

"Yes and no," the hologram professor responds.

"It made it out of the stadium alive without getting into a fist fight with drunken fans, but the Dolphins decided to pass on signing it because the cat kneeled during the National Anthem."

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Ravens sign Crabtree to three-year deal

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Ravens sign Crabtree to three-year deal

The Baltimore Ravens have signed WR Michael Crabtree to a three-year deal on Friday according to general manager and executive vice president Ozzie Newsome.

The deal is apparently worth $21 million, according to Adam Shefter.

After being released by the Raiders Thursday following the signing of Jordy Nelson, Crabtree heads to the Ravens less than 24 hours later.


The 31-year-old is coming off a 2017 season when he recorded 58 receptions for 618 yards and eight touchdowns. In 2016 he posted 89 receptions for 1,003 yards and eight touchdowns.

Since 2015, the Texas Tech product has scored 25 receiving touchdowns, the fifth-most in the NFL. Crabtree and Steelers WR Antonio Brown are the only NFL players to post at least eight touchdown catches in each of the past three seasons.


In all, Crabtree has played nine NFL seasons – six of them with San Francisco (2009-14) and three with Oakland (2015-17). The former first-round draft pick (10th overall, Texas Tech) has registered 579 receptions for 6,870 yards (11.9 avg.) and 51 touchdowns in 125 career games (122 starts).

“Michael has played very well against the Ravens, so we know firsthand the attributes he brings to the game,” Newsome said in a team statement. “He is a smart, tough, physical receiver who battles for the ball. We like his temperament and believe he is a good fit for our football team, on and off the field.”

Since he entered the NFL in 2009, Crabtree’s 51 receiving scores rank 10th among active wide receivers, while his receptions (579) are seventh, and his receiving yards (6,870) are 12th.

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Ryan Grant's health issue and why the Ravens couldn't control voiding his contract

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Ryan Grant's health issue and why the Ravens couldn't control voiding his contract

The most obvious move in the NFL this offseason was the Ravens signing a new wide receiver (or three). It was less obvious why the team decided to commit so much money to former Redskins receiver Ryan Grant.

Grant has long been beloved by his coaches and teammates, but the results have never been there on game day. He has some potential to improve if given a larger role in a team's offense, which he likely would have had in Baltimore, but it never made much sense to offer him a 4-year contract worth nearly 30 million, with $14.5 million guaranteed.

Thankfully for fans who were uninspired by the reported agreement, Grant was unable to pass his physical and will not be joining the team.


At a press conference Friday morning, GM Ozzie Newsome called the void a "medical decision" that Newsome had no control over. 

NFL insider Ian Rapoport reported that Grant is recovering from a Grade 2 sprained ankle that would need two months rest.

You have to feel for Grant, who by all accounts has worked his tail off for many years just waiting for his chance. It's never easy missing out on nearly $15 million dollars guaranteed, but Grant should be able to find work with another team.

The timing of this news, coming so soon after former Raider Michael Crabtree became available, seemed fishy to some.

At Friday's press conference, Newsome also said the team would have still pursued Crabtree if they signed Grant. 

It's probably not fair to suggest that an NFL franchise would actually so publicly back out of a deal just because another option came along, as any team with that reputation would struggle to attract future free agents. That said, it could end up working out splendidly for the team.

Besides, if all else is equal, shouldn't a team located in Baltimore be going after a guy named CRABtree?