Dearest Mother, cue Ken Burns’ “The Civil War” documentary violin music and a throaty, somber voiceover.
Capt. Andrew Luck is coming home.
The Twitter parody account, which has attracted 521,000 followers (and many more laughs) by reimagining shaggy-bearded Luck as a Civil War soldier writing letters to his mom, delivered this message Sunday morning, after the real Luck announced his retirement from the NFL.
Dearest mother —— Capt. Andrew Luck (@CaptAndrewLuck) August 25, 2019
The quill has never felt more heavy. I have made the decision to holster my sidearm permanently. I shall battle no more. The decision is difficult, but, as the hogs taught me, I must be true to myself. I am coming home to care for you and the farm.
If this also is the end for @CaptAndrewLuck, which started in December 2015, Twitter just became a less humorous place. Jokes about the former Stanford star’s various “battles” and him eating such exotic foods as braised pigeon shins and zesty gopher wrists drew laughs and retweets.
But in their own light way, the tweets also highlighted the beating the Indianapolis Colts quarterback’s body took over his career. Squirrel oil as a treatment for various ailments was mentioned in so many tweets that it almost became an expectation. You even can buy a squirrel oil T-shirt through the account.
The author of the account isn’t known, and while Luck himself isn’t writing the Civil War-era-style letters, he’s admitted that he enjoys them.
“I'm not clever enough to write that, but it's pretty cool,” Luck told NFL Network in January. “I'm glad people find a little enjoyment about it when maybe some things on the Internet can be a little meaner."
Luck even had some fun with the whole meme before last season.
Whether or not we’ll ever hear from Capt. Luck remains to be seen. But if we don’t, we might need some of Mother’s trusty squirrel oil to soothe our souls.
Go easy, Captain.