It’s rare, in this age of Twitter and #hottakes, for athletes to say exactly what they’re thinking. The best quotes are often off-the-record, but the two retiring Giants — 40-year-old Tim Hudson and 36-year-old Jeremy Affeldt — have been as honest and funny as athletes can be. Affeldt has filled notebooks here for years and is a magnet for the national media every postseason. He’s also a regular target for teammates, especially during those Q&A sessions at FanFest. Hudson was a go-to guy during his Oakland years and just got funnier with age. I love a good quote, obviously, so I went back through the archives. Here are some of the highlights from Hudson, Affeldt, and teammates who just couldn’t help taking loving shots at their reliable left-hander …
“Obviously (the Nationals) have a talented group over there, there’s no question. They have some great pitching. But come playoff time, talent can take you a long way, but what do you have between your legs? That’s going to take you real far. And I think we’ve got a group in here that really has some of that.” — Hudson, before the Nationals series last year.
“You can’t even understand him when he’s speaking English.” Affeldt, saying Madison Bumgarner would make a good spy.
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“His situational hitting is, ‘Let me try to hit it 20 rows deep.' That’s the situation he thinks about.” — Hudson, on Bumgarner’s swing.
“I was actually separating frozen hamburgers and I slipped on the floor,” Affeldt, after injuring his knee when his son jumped into his arms.
[PAVLOVIC: Rewind: Hudson holds it together after final MLB start]
“Yeah, but he still has to go home and cook, so…” Bochy, giving a health update on Affeldt during the 2012 World Series.
San Francisco Giants
“He made fun of me for three straight years. As soon as I heard about it, I ran as fast as I could to the trainer’s room. I’m just glad Cain was good enough to make me feel a lot better by joining my situation.” – Affeldt, on Matt Cain’s sandwich incident last year.
“He’s going to be hard to deal with in this locker room after hitting two grand slams this year. He’s already kind of hard to deal with anyway.” — Hudson, after Bumgarner’s second slam last year.
“I’m not sure what it is, maybe it’s these old bones. They start getting lubricated up a bit.” — Hudson, when asked about getting better in the late innings of his starts earlier this year.
“I fixed my arm slot a little bit. The breaking ball is not landing in the on-deck circle anymore. That’s good.” Affeldt, after stringing together several good outings.
“I was trying not to have a stroke.” – Hudson, after a super-slow jog to first on a muggy day in St. Louis last year.
“I just tanked that deal.” Affeldt, on the walk that put another runner on before Paul Goldschmidt’s game-winner.
[PAVLOVIC: Affeldt on retirement: Time to 'take my ball and go home']
"It's still hard. It was hard when I was 30.” — Hudson, when asked about winning a game as a 40-year-old.
“He’s still talking about it because he fouled a couple pitches off.” — Bruce Bochy after an Affeldt at-bat.
"When things are going good, you're probably not quite as good as you think you are. And when things are going bad, you're probably not as bad as you think you are.” — Hudson during a losing skid this year.
“I told my wife there’s something to it. She’s like, ‘I don’t care. Find another way to make this happen,’ “ Affeldt, who reached the World Series in all three seasons during which his wife gave birth to a son.
"I'm from the South. This was nothing. This was a walk in the park.” — Hudson, after he pitched well in Los Angeles on one of the hottest days of the year.
“He gets so amped up and starts bouncing around. He could start mumbling and it wouldn’t matter,” Affeldt, on Pence’s pregame speeches in 2012.
“We’re World Series champs. Can you believe it?!” — Hudson, to his three children after Game 7.
“I never thought that could happen to me. I just about passed out when he asked me.” — Affeldt, after the Hall of Fame asked for his cleats after Game 7 last year.
“They could have brought Sandy Koufax in and we probably would have had smiles on our faces.” — Hudson, on Jordan Zimmermann getting pulled in Game 2 of last year’s NLDS.
“That’s a Hall of Fame performance. I really don’t think you’re going to see that again.” — Affeldt on Bumgarner’s 2014 postseason.
“He’s got a set of brass balls on him like I’ve never seen.” — Hudson on Bumgarner.
“As soon as I saw him warming up and we had the lead, I knew it was over. I knew the big fella was going to get it done.” — Hudson, on Bumgarner coming on in relief in Game 7.
“He’s still here.” — Hudson, when told this spring by a reporter that Bumgarner carried the Giants last October.
“I guess he made a great play. He sent me a video. I haven’t had a chance to watch it.” — Bochy, on Affeldt’s final game during a rehab assignment this summer.
“I’d go with Affeldt. Right when he steps in the ring he’s going to do something dumb and get hurt.” — Cain, when asked at FanFest to name a teammate he’d like to wrestle.
“His son took him out. So you can take him out.” — Ryan Vogelsong, responding to Cain’s answer.
“WHO IS PAYING THAT MAN?!” — Buster Posey, when a fan praised Affeldt at FanFest.
[RELATED: Giants release 2016 spring training schedule]
“I was trying to call a cab.” — Casey McGehee, on getting stuck next to Affeldt on a team bus.
“I’ve seen Affeldt and I’ve seen what happens when you get old.” — Cain, saying he’s not eating as much as he used to.
"I'd be 42? That's going to be tough, that's almost Affeldt's age.” — Posey, when asked if he’ll play long enough to win as many titles as Yogi Berra did.
“Probably myself.” — Affeldt, when asked at FanFest to name a teammate he wouldn’t want to share a room with.
"You can't miss that day. He’ll let you know about it the rest of the year if you forget his birthday.” — Bochy, when asked if he wished Affeldt a happy birthday this year.
“If he ever gets a hit off of me, I’ll take my uniform top off, walk off the mound and retire,” Affeldt after Santiago Casilla got a single.