So Jay Glazer of Fox Sports, who is typically an excellent barometer of the inner workings of the San Francisco 49ers front office all the way up to the owners’ suite, reported Sunday that Colin Kaepernick’s aloofness and production are reasons much of the locker room has turned lukewarm on him. This of course led to the obvious raft of “This explains the following things I want to explain about why the 49ers suck.”
In which case I refer you to Occam’s Razor, the postulate by which something that seems like something obvious is typically that obvious thing. The 49ers are 2-5 because they deserve to be 2-5, and because a lot of players are not performing at standard, or worse yet ARE performing at standard. A team that was destined for glory only to be derailed by a romantic tiff was not destined for anything except 2-5, period.
In other words, Kaepernick may have lost the locker room, but this team is bad either way. Not that we shouldn’t wait for the Glaz-o-gram about the inner workings of a team that says it keeps its business to itself (fibbers), but that will be today’s version, until another one is leaked.
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That said, Kaepernick has been pretty brutal.
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Now let’s play some more Conspiracy Sushi (uncooked blather that does not rise to rumor level). The Raiders, sensing that the NFL is planning to shut them out of Los Angeles by shotgun-marrying Stan Kroenke and Dean Spanos, decided to turn on their erstwhile crypto-landlords Sunday and smashed them ruthlessly in the first of many “Win It For The Ginger” derbies.
Or maybe San Diego isn’t very good.
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If Rex Ryan indeed decided to troll Doug Marrone, his predecessor as Bills coach, by naming the Buffalo offensive linemen co-captains Sunday against Jacksonville (where Marrone is the offensive line coach), it was a brilliant move, as the Bills lost to the Jags, 34-31. Ryan remains the career coaching leader in LWYF (leading-with-your-face).
But again, Occam’s Razor. Unless Ryan knew that his team hated Marrone for abandoning them because of perceived contract leverage, he should be grateful that Marrone decided to LWYG (lead with your greed) and opened the job for him. Then again, it’s Rex Ryan. L. W. Y. F.
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Flip Saunders, the Minnesota Timberwolves’ coach and president of basketball operations, deserved better than to die at 60 of Hodgkin’s lymphoma, but as we know all too often, “deserves” has nothing to do with it. All that needs be said by those of us who did not know him except as a basketball figure is that he was a proper servant to the sport.
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Kate Cimini, who covers the New York Riveters of the National Women’s Hockey League for @TodaysSlapshot, reports that the team’s home game against the Connecticut Whale at the Aviator Events Center (as opposed to the far more pretentious Centre) resulted in an impromptu in-game chant from decades gone by – “Whalers Suck!” a tribute to those halcyon days when the Hartford Whalers did, well, suck, and were told about it routinely by New York Rangers and Islanders fans.
You know what this means? The NWHL deserves to thrive. To salute history that wasn’t even yours is the measure of people who have earned your respect. Your money? Right after you send me a check for the sensitive and heart-warming hilarity before you now.
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There is much gnashing of fenders and wailing of teeth over the end of the CampingWorld.com 500 at Talladega, in which many members of the Tinfoil Parade are sure that Kevin Harvick deliberately caused a wreck at the end of the race to (a) insure that he would qualify for The Chase and (b) that a bunch of other worthy competitors (like fan god Dale Earnhardt The Younger) would not.
Our guess? You should have watched the CBS announcers desperately trying to pretend the Chargers had a chance to win in the final eight minutes of the Raider game instead.
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Houston Texans quarterback Ryan Mallett missed the team flight to Miami because, he said, he got caught in traffic. This was after he overslept and missed a practice. I’m thinking this may not be the job for him.
Fortunately for us, head coach Bill O’Brien, who may be looking at the University of Miami job with longing eyes now that Al Golden’s been shown the beach, is going to protect us from any announcement of Mallett’s punishment because that’s a secret and nobody should know because it might wound his self-esteem, which is only the size of a dirigible now. Bill, you’re part of the problem here. You know that, right?
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And finally, we’ll be impressed with Greg Hardy and his massive temper issues when he gets in Jerry Jones’ face. When you decide you want a piece of the only guy on earth who thinks you should get paid, you are fully and legitimately bughouse.