Bring on the six-way tie for fourth place in the wild Western Conference playoffs race

Okay, so here’s how the Western Conference Playoff race plays out if God is on his job and not luxuriating in a yacht off the coast of Mauritius, which is where any sensible deity would be.
 
(Note: We have already eliminated the Los Angeles Clippers, which is, I’m sure, what God would have done).
 
SAN ANTONIO beats Sacramento, then loses at the L.A. Lakers, Portland and at New Orleans.
 
UTAH beats Portland and loses at the Lakers and Clippers, and Golden State at home.
 
OKLAHOMA CITY loses at Houston and at Miami and beats Memphis.
 
MINNESOTA splits its two games with Denver, loses to the Lakers and beats Memphis.
 
NEW ORLEANS beats Memphis and San Antonio, wins at Phoenix and loses at Golden State and the Clippers.
 
DENVER splits with Minnesota, wins at the Clippers and home against Portland.
 
That gives us the fun-filled six-way tie for fourth at 46-36 this season deserves, and creates a set of tiebreakers that would make God order an extra pitcher of tropical drinks.
 
The Spurs win a tiebreaker with Minnesota lose to Utah, New Orleans and Portland and split with Denver and Oklahoma City.
 
The Jazz win tiebreakers with San Antonio and New Orleans, split with Denver and lose to Oklahoma City and Minnesota.
 
The Thunder beats Utah, splits with San Antonio and lose to Denver, New Orleans and Minnesota.
 
The Wolves win all tiebreakers except San Antonio.
 
The Pelicans beat San Antonio but lose to Utah, Oklahoma City, Minnesota and Denver.
 
And Denver? Splits with San Antonio and Utah, loses to Minnesota, beats Oklahoma City and New Orleans.
 
Next is division record, in which Minnesota goes 10-6 in the above scenario, Denver, Utah, New Orleans and San Antonio finish 9-7, and Oklahoma City 5-11, which will be explained as being Carmelo Anthony’s fault because that’s the narrative du jour.
 
We could then go to conference records, but you’re glazing over now, so let’s just put it this way. The odd teams out look like New Orleans or Oklahoma City, with only a few thousand permutations still to go, and yet Five Thirty Eight figures the Thunder have a 93 percent chance of making the playoffs and the Nuggets only 40 percent.
 
So the hell with it. We don’t know, and I suspect God (if that is his real name; he could just be another corporate tax cheat going under an alias) isn’t going to give us the six-way tie and the utter chaos we so richly deserve.
 
But if it helps, the Rockets’ chances of winning the NBA Finals are 12 times greater than the Warriors based on the available math. Now if you want to drink, drink on that.