Kobe Bryant, basketball mutually agree to part ways

Kobe Bryant told basketball he was leaving her come April. Here’s the Dear John note, via The Players’ Tribune:

“Dear Basketball,

From the moment
I started rolling my dad’s tube socks
And shooting imaginary
Game-winning shots
In the Great Western Forum
I knew one thing was real:

I fell in love with you.
A love so deep I gave you my all —
From my mind & body
To my spirit & soul.
As a six-year-old boy
Deeply in love with you
I never saw the end of the tunnel.
I only saw myself
Running out of one.
And so I ran.
I ran up and down every court
After every loose ball for you.
You asked for my hustle
I gave you my heart
Because it came with so much more.
I played through the sweat and hurt
Not because challenge called me
But because YOU called me.
I did everything for YOU
Because that’s what you do
When someone makes you feel as
Alive as you’ve made me feel.
You gave a six-year-old boy his Laker dream
And I’ll always love you for it.
But I can’t love you obsessively for much longer.
This season is all I have left to give.
My heart can take the pounding
My mind can handle the grind
But my body knows it’s time to say goodbye.
And that’s OK.
I’m ready to let you go.
I want you to know now
So we both can savor every moment we have left together.
The good and the bad.
We have given each other
All that we have.”

He forgot the “It’s not you, it’s me” part.

X X X

Ahh, the joys of craven euphemism: A plane over the 49ers’ concrete-and-empty-seats palace trailed a sign that read, “Jed & 49ers Should Mutually Part Ways.”

Ignoring the almost pathetic refusal to accept corporate facts, the person who bought the sign and rented the plane is on the cutting edge of post-employment nonsense. Mike London and Virginia mutually agreed that London can’t come to work any more (although it was called a resignation). Mark and Georgia mutually agreed that Richt can’t come to work any more. Kyle Flood and Rutgers mutually agreed that Flood can’t come to work any more, and then Rutgers and athletic director Julie Herrmann also mutually agreed to never speak again.

Yes, “mutually agreed” -– the new “come around here again and we’ll arrest you for trespassing.”

X X X

And yes, there are rumors that the 49ers will wear Ohio State uniforms at their next home game. Anything to change both their luck and Jim Harbaugh’s.

X X X

In other NFC West news, St. Louis coach Jeff Fisher offered a message to those who thinks his team’s effort might have been a bit diminished in its 31-7 loss to Cincinnati:

“Anyone that implies it’s effort ... they can kiss my ass.”

Now who could decline an offer like that from a 57-year-old man who just finished his factory shift?

X X X

Arsenal was well-rested for its match at Norwich City Saturday, mostly because it decided to fly rather than bus or train to the game. The flight took 14 minutes, causing Criticism from a group called Plane Stupid, a network of grass root groups that monitor the aviation industry and halt needless short haul flights.

So of course Plane Stupid spokesperson Ella Gilbert got down and dirty, telling the London Evening Standard. “

Having lived in Norwich and Finsbury Park, I can tell you that this is a distance that you can do in two hours by train, without fueling climate change . . . I’m a life-long Gooner so I’m used to being occasionally embarrassed by my team, but I prefer them to wait until after kick-off before humiliating their supporters.”

We await the day when the Raiders and Chargers get their stadium deal in Carson and one decides to fly to the other’s home ground, or as it is known, their own home ground.

X X X

Former NHL (including San Jose) defenseman Jim Kyte, who played while legally deaf, moved to tone-deaf by denigrating notorious pests Brad Marchand (Boston) and Brendan Gallagher (Montreal) on Twitter: “. This played particularly well with, specifically, he doesn’t like the pests that buzz around for the Montreal Canadiens and Boston Bruin. “Brendan Gallagher, Brad Marchand, and players of their ilk are the reason I don't watch many NHL games anymore,” wrote Kyte, with the hashtags “#nohonor” and “#noaccountability.”

Gallagher responded with a video of Kyte suckering Mario Lemieux back in the day, and a tweet which read, “Please mr.kyte do tell us more about all the honour you played the game with...”

That’s what happens when you use hashtags, kids. If you can’t say it all in 140, make a phone call.

X X X

And finally, back to Kobe. It figures that the 76ers have to rush out now and buy him a fabulous gift before Tuesday. Maybe a piece of the team would amuse him.