The New York Times devoted another massive chunk of print and Internet space to the Golden State Warriors the other day, this one 6,300 words and change from Bruce Schoenfeld on the team’s owners and the words of the deck head beneath the title, “What Happened When Venture Capitalists Took Over the Golden State Warriors,” lies the road map to how the Warriors will be undone. It reads: “After racking up a historic N.B.A. season, the team’s owners — most of them from Silicon Valley — think their management style deserves some of the credit. Are they right?”
The answer is obvious. No.
The secondary answer is equally clear. They should shut their insecure tediously flapping pieholes, the cloth-eared nitwits. The entire story is well worth your eyes, but we have made our point. Still, reasons follow:
1. None of the owners are Stephen Curry, or Klay Thompson, or Draymond Green, or Andre Iguodala, or Andrew Bogut, or Steve Kerr, or Bob Myers, or Jerry West, or any of the players, coaches or staff that made the basketball product people come to see. They are rich folks who owe their notoriety to the work of their underlings, even though in some cases said underlings were hired by Joe Lacob. Point is, they all turned out much better than anyone could have hoped, and in any event hiring someone does not mean you get credit for their work just because you're the one who found them..
2. None of the owners are Curry’s family, which took a gamble on a moribund team to avoid playing for a more moribund team, and was saddened to learn it could not actually get Curry to New York to likely die a horrible career death.
3. None of the owners are Minnesota ex-GM David Kahn, who passed on Curry twice in successive picks because the Currys told him they didn’t want Minnesota and because he thought he was too clever to need him.
4. None of the owners are soothsayers because no person living, dead or thinking about changing their status knew Curry would be this, or that the roster around him would work this cohesively.
5. None of the owners understand the central truth about getting credit -– those who desire it do not deserve it, and those who deserve it do not desire it. Credit seeks its own platforms.
6. None of the owners mean anything to anyone except their own families and accountants. Nobody has ever gone to a Warrior game and said, “I just came to see Peter Guber sit on a chair.” Nobody. If none of them ever came to a game, nobody would know the difference or give a nanobot’s worth of a half-damn.
But we do promise this. When this mad dash toward the sun ends, and it will because all of them do, we will make a specific point of blaming each and every one of them repeatedly, by name, address, Social Security and ATM PIN numbers for letting it happen, because that’s how credit works too -– in good times, everyone shares, and in bad ones, the big hogs get butchered first. And we’ll hate them while we eat.
Besides, what’s wrong with just being part of the crowd, enjoying the show while watching money roll in by the traincar? They need credit too? Do none of them remember Chris Cohan? Do none of them see what is happening to Jed York? Do they not recall the rise and fall of Peter Magowan? Can they not remember the admonition of Al Swearengen – "Announcin' your plans is a good way to hear god laugh."
Listen, kids, when Lacob says, “The great, great venture capitalists who built company after company, that’s not an accident, and none of this is an accident, either,” he is basically daring God/the fates/karma to laugh, and right in his face. Because he, and his partners, are better off enjoying what they have helped build rather than wanting to be remembered for it. They will be. All they have to do is not tell people that they want to be.
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Landon Donovan weighed in the five U.S. women’s national soccer team stars who have sued for equal pay from the nation’s sanctioning body, and he opened with a quick treatise on the market economy and why the U.S. Men’s teams deserve the lion’s share of the income.
Cue the Twitter abuse machine.
“The lovely @Jackie_Pepper reminded me that the men & women are doing the same amount of ‘work’ and should be paid equally. Can't argue that.”
If only all arguments could be solved so easily.
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Speaking of women and the market, Elena Delle Donne’s suggestion that WNBA might become more marketable by lowering the hoop to nine feet, and Diana Taurasi’s acidic response, “Might as well put us in skirts and back in the kitchen.”
This led men to opine all the old arguments, that the WNBA isn’t as entertaining as the NBA, that nothing will change that, blah blah blah.
Well, here’s the fact. The WNBA doesn’t need to crack the all-important men’s market because (and this will come as a surprise) a woman’s money is just as green and spends just as well. The WNBA is better off trying to emulate the Golden State style of play than it is trying to dunk on Fisher-Price hoops.
And finally, the WNBA has its place, it can grow its footprint, and it can become an elite league if it is willing to pay the best players in the world to play for them, whether they be American or not. America has a better chance of embracing you if you have the best players in your employ.
There’s your solution. I’m here for other consulting work, and thank you.
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And finally, Ayesha Curry, wife of you know who and a cook of considerable skill in her own right, will have anew show on The Food Network (working title, At Home with Ayesha).
I wonder who in the Warriors’ investor group will want some credit for that, and how willingly Curry will invite them into the kitchen to whip up a quick Bechamel reduction.