Five ways the Titans could actually beat the Patriots
There’s been an astonishing lack of actual Titans-Patriots talk this week. The reason is two-fold.
For one, the drama surrounding the Patriots and the Seth Wickersham piece is compelling. Just as importantly, however, very few people actually view the Titans as an actual threat in a game in which they're being 13.5 points by odds-makers.
But could the Titans actually beat the Patriots? By any-given-Saturday-night logic, of course they can. Here are five ways it could theoretically be done:
BRADY THROWS THREE INTERCEPTIONS
Throwing three interceptions will for sure lose you a playoff game, unless it’s like the time Tom Brady threw three interceptions against a team way better than these Titans (the 2006 Chargers) and still won.
NO RUN GAME
Can’t win a game if you don’t establish the run, unless it’s like the time last year when the Patriots did that in the divisional round and won.
Air Bud is a magical dead dog who used to help his sports team win back when he was alive. If he suits up for the Titans, it would hurt the Patriots in two ways. They’ll be flustered by having not game-planned for him, plus they’ll be spooked that there’s a dead ghost dog on the field.
The Patriots win the coin toss and choose to defer. Tennessee elects to kick.
As the ball is in mid-air following a not-quite booming kick, rain begins to fall. Rain? Nobody said it was going to rain. Flummoxed by this development, Dion Lewis fumbles the ball into the end zone. He frantically chases it, but an electromagnetic pulse takes out all of the electricity at Gillette Stadium, rendering all electronics in the stadium useless and causing him to lose track of the ball in the dark. He kicks it out of the end zone for a safety.
Because football is very masculine and macho, neither team wants to use “can’t see or communicate” as an excuse, so the game is completed. With coaches unable to communicate with their headsets, the game becomes a defensive catastrophe. The offense scores on every drive; because the Titans scored first, they end up narrowly winning a high-scoring game.
10 AIR BUDS
Usually it’s the Patriots introducing surprising strategies in the playoffs, but imagine their surprise when they take the field and it looks like the dang Puppy Bowl out there.
The most confusing part? That the Titans will only use 10 Air Buds rather than fielding an entire offense of Air Buds. The only human football player on the field will be Jonnu Smith, a rookie tight end who sits behind Delanie Walker on the depth chart. Unsure of why he would be the only human on the field, the Patriots would pay extra close attention to Smith, which is just what the Titans want, as it frees up all 10 Air Buds to carve up a defense that finished 29th in yards allowed in the regular season.