Tom Brady's offseason has consisted of little contact with the only team that can sign him and reports that the list of other suitors will be shorter than he anticipated.
His career has consisted of ... working with Bill Belichick.
Can you imagine how freaking easy it's going to be to woo this guy?
The way it looks from here, the Patriots aren't even trying to win over Brady. From the outside, it appears to be a wait-and-see approach, which is the opposite of the urgency a team that wanted to sign him before free agency would show. Remember: If the Pats don't sign Brady before free agency (Wednesday, 4 p.m. ET), $13.5 million in dead money hits their cap whether he returns or not.
So if the Patriots desperately wanted Brady back, you'd think we'd have seen a little more urgency by now. But it doesn't seem like Belichick is standing outside holding up a boombox, no matter how much Brady peeks out the window.
And when you're getting whatever the opposite of a full-court press is, it'll sure be uncharted territory if and when Brady gets these kind of calls:
"Tom Brady. Coach/GM ____ here. It sure is a pleasure to speak to you."
"Hold on a sec. I just have to turn my phone down a little. I usually have to have this thing cranked to hear Bill."
"Well, I won't take too much of your time. Just want to say that I think you're still the best there is and we'd love to have you for the rest of your career."
"Did you say 'love?'"
Now, that part about Brady still being the best quarterback in the league would be a lie, but that's what you do when you're trying to impress someone. Of course, Brady wouldn't know this from his negotiations with the Pats. We can imagine those were probably more along the lines of "Hey kid, sign this if you want to keep winning."
We heard Aqib Talib paint that picture while describing the conversation he had with Belichick back when his Patriots deal was up. It's natural to think the Pats would handle this situation differently because it's Brady, but if they were going to, they probably would have by now.
Which brings us to...
"Tommy boy! Sorry I didn't call at 4p on the dot. Got a little tied up in explaining to someone that young receivers are useless. Anyway, we're going to fly you out to meet us, and just wanted to say we'll only have four spots on the private jet. Is that OK?"
"Four? I ... can bring a friend?"
"Of course! Bring whoever you want, though we've got our fingers crossed that we'll get to meet Alex. Man, he seems like he's got some really brilliant ideas."
You get it by now. Patriots: Business-like, not interested in kissing anyone's ass. Other teams: ass-kissing booths, but instead of charging a quarter they pay you $30 million a year.
And that will be a new experience for Brady. As the Patriots will tell you, he wanted to get to free agency. He's used to being on the Super Bowl favorite, but he probably feels like he's become just another employee. Maybe teams won't be able to give him the former, but they shouldn't find it hard to change the latter.