Cubs

The 10 most annoying people at the gym

The 10 most annoying people at the gym

Tuesday, Sept. 7, 2010
3:27 PM

By Joe Collins
CSNChicago.com

How are you doing on those New Year's resolutions? I always like asking people this question around Labor Day. You know, it kind of catches them off guard. It has been 250 days since the last ball drop (not counting those by Chicago Bears receivers of course) and another 115 until we'll see the next one. Did any of you plan on joining a health club or gym? Or did any of you try to lose weight? If you were successful, you are among the 10 percent of those who have had a successful New Year's resolution. And you, more than likely, earn extra credit because you endured a particularly tiresome posse of our society: the gym.

I presented the "10 Most Annoying People on the Bike Trail" about a month ago.They're hilarious, but certain characters in the gym crowd make the bike trail gang look modest. Heck, given that you're reading this on a sports website, I'm sure that you have tried to sculpt yourself into looking like the next Joe Q. Superjock at one time or another. And a fist-bump to you if you kept humble while doing so. Some haven't gotten the hint, though. Is all the strutting, grunting, preening and obnoxiousness really necessary? People often lament the hidden costs of joining of a gym. I bring you ten of them:

The Mr. Invincible Weight Lifting Guy: Let's start off with an obvious one. You know how they have those silver statue guys on Michigan Avenue? You can't help but stare at their bizarre features and all of the sudden they spring into motion and draw a crowd. That's the street equivalent of how the gym's Mr. IWLG operates. The first time you see each of these people, you can't help but be a part of the audience. However, the show gets old real fast. You have a sneaky suspicion that these people are only there for the attention and the onlookers are blocking the sidewalk (or in this case, to the water fountain or the one Stairmaster that opened after a 30-minute wait).

The Mr. Invincible Weight Lifting Guy (Shouting Version): Basically a carbon copy of Mr. IWLG, only he shouts after each 300-pound repetition like he's at a Pantera concert. His wardrobe is complete once the barbed wire tattoo makes an appearance. Each weightlifting grunt says, "Look at me! I might need your help to tie my own shoes later!" Come on, guy. This isn't Super Mario Brothers. Stop hitting those imaginary question-marks over your head in hopes for an 'invincible' star. Newsflash: you're not invincible. Your 0-79 lifetime record with the ladies is proof of that.

The Born-Again Basketball Player: New 200 shoes? Check. New wardrobe from the mall? Check. Headband? Check. An overrated has-been whose vocabulary is based on the phrase, "A Little Help" when the ball bounces wildly away from his missed 20-foot jumper? Better believe that's a check. If you accidentally get into a conversation with this fountain-of-youth hoops schmuck, don't ever...EVER ask him about his days as the backup point guard at Southeast North Dakota A&M-Fargo State. He'll end up challenging youtaunting you into a game of one-on-one.

Mr. & Mrs. Sweat: It's nice that you just greased your way into and out of that leg press. The mesh shorts and soiled B.U.M Equipment t-shirt adds a nice touch as well. But do you mind cleaning the pepperoni pizza-like stain off the bench after you're done with it? Here's a towel. And a squeegie. And the complimentary disinfectant you just walked by on the way to the locker room. Go to work. Oh, hey-- the Calumet River called. It wants its stink and slime back.

That Guy Or Girl Who Has A Personal Trainer: How's that 500,000-a-year salary treatin' ya? Good enough to pay for a condescending gym class hero to tell you how to jump rope the right way? Must be nice. I just don't understand how people feel the need to spend money on motivation. Isn't that what a mirror is supposed to do? I mean, didn't we all learn a thing or two from Jim Jupiter, The Healthiest Man In Chicago?

Johnny Hot-Shot Ladies Man: This one is for the girls out there. Have you ever had this experience: You're working out and going about your business. You catch a guy staring at you from across the room. He then moves near your machine. All of a sudden, he's on the machine right next to you. Then, out comes Cassanova: "So...how many miles are you doing?" Or... "Hey can you help me out with this machine?" Next thing you know, he's walking you to your car and asking you out for dinner. If it's a match made in heaven, great. But that's a rare occurrence. More often than not, the guy smells like taco mix and used dental floss. You seriously think about getting the mace ready. Johnny Hot-Shot Ladies Man is the type that will try to impress a girl by benching 255 pounds...failing...and having to call an instructorparadmedic over for help.
The Paris Hilton: This gym type presents, by far and away, the biggest challenge to any guy at a gym. The Paris Hilton is there to look great and not sweat a drop. She's there to pick up a mate. For most guys, this is great! A hot girl at a gym! Only trouble is that 100 other guys are thinking the same thing. For the men, it's a race to come up with the best line andor overdoing it on the lat pulls to look impressive. And this one goes out to the guys that just want to go to a gym and work out: have you ever had your concentration tested once the Paris Hilton walks in...and you end up wasting an hour or so thinking about her? It's a no-win situation, really.

That Guy In The Tae-Bo Class --or-- That Guy In The Aerobics Class: Odds are this guy also has some of those Richard Simmons "Deal A Meal" cards at home. Or that he'll strike up a conversation with you about his cat named Wilson Phillips. And he...uhm...you know, let's just move on to the next one...

Mr. & Mrs. "You're Doing It Wrong": These people need to be pushed off a water tower and into a very large blender in puree mode. It might be the only thing that can stop them from coming over to your machine to tell you, "Hey! You're arching your back too much! Oh I don't know about that, you're going to hurt yourself! Tsk Tsk Tsk!" There is a fine line between constructive criticism and risking a haymaker to the left cheek. Meddling isn't attractive, folks. These are the same people that yell at you for not splitting nines at the blackjack table when the dealer shows a seven. Makes you want to clothesline them with a curling bar, you know?

The Naked Guy: Nothing says fun than going about your gym routine, turning a corner, and running into...you know, that guy. Whatever happened to common sense and decency? I have never understood this. There's always one of them, you know? These people, you know? They're one of those "free spirit" types, usually unkempt, who looks like a big pimento loaf that got dropped onto a barber shop floor. Wait, why am I getting into specifics about this?

Honorable Mentions:

The Muscle Chick, The Guy Who Hogs The Machine, The Drifter (one who "camps out" at the gym for more than four hours), The Cast of "The View" (people who are there just to socialize)

Just makes you want to blow your hard earned money every month, right? Or make another resolution.

Or something like that.

Cubs shrugging off the pressure as October baseball looms

Cubs shrugging off the pressure as October baseball looms

Don't start making plans for Oct. 2, assuming the Cubs are a lock to avoid that NL Wild-Card game and have a trio of days off between the final regular season contest (next Sunday) and Game 1 of the NLDS on Oct. 4.

Baseball is a crazy sport and a lot can change in the next eight days, but FanGraphs lists the Cubs' chance of winning the NL Central at 91.3 percent.

Just, you know, don't tell them that.

"Whoa, let's not get that far ahead of ourselves," Jon Lester said Saturday night in the visiting dugout at Guaranteed Rate Field after picking up his 17th win of the season. "We got, what, [8] more games? We're 2.5 ahead. We got a long ways to go. I don't ever wanna jump too far ahead on that one.

"If we had a little bit of a different lead or whatnot, I could probably comment on that. But those are two good teams chasing us. We just gotta keep playing good baseball. We get to go home (even though really these last three days are kinda home), but we get to go home for the remaining week of the season and enjoy that. 

"I think once we start having some champagne and doing that, then you can ask me that question and we'll talk about it then."

Which means we need to wait a bit longer before we get to see Mr. Lester like this again:

But then again, Saturday's game was probably the most important of the season in terms of seeing how the Cubs responded to back-to-back toughlosses where they looked listless and punchless.

Javy Baez led the way, doing his MVP El Mago thing, but White Sox outfielder Ryan LaMarre misjudging Daniel Murphy's line drive in the fifth inning was the break the Cubs needed to wake up fully, eventually coasting to an 8-3 victory.

With the Brewers' loss in Pittsburgh, the Cubs' magic number is now 6 and they were feeling themselves after the game, looking like the team that is on their way to their third straight division title.

"Yeah, we know what we got," Baez said. "We just gotta stay away from every other team. They gotta pay attention to us, not us to them. If we do that, we should be good."

The Cubs have had to endure so much adversity this season to even get to the point Saturday where they were bumping their victory music and quite literally bouncing around a cramped clubhouse with a slew of Chicago media and almost an entire 40-man roster crammed into one small room.

Joe Maddon had to go back to his "A" bullpen for the first time in over a week, piecing it together with Carl Edwards Jr., Jesse Chavez, Justin Wilson and Steve Cishek after Lester. With over a week left, the Cubs' skipper still doesn't have Pedro Strop back and there is now no hope of Brandon Morrow making a miraculous comeback to provide assistance to this bullpen.

Yu Darvish and Tyler Chatwood were signed over the winter to supplement this Cubs rotation yet ineffectiveness and/or injury has made both right-handers a non-factor on this team for the last two months.

Kris Bryant still isn't back to his 2016 MVP form.

Kyle Schwarber just returned from a back injury and got his timing back Saturday with a pair of hits, as he promised after Friday's game.

Willson Contreras had thought he had made some offensive strides recently to rediscover his lost power stroke, yet wound up grounding out four times Saturday night.

Addison Russell is on administrative leave.

Ian Happ has started one game in the last week. 

Albert Almora Jr. is hitting .219 with a .528 OPS in the second half, enduring a slump that has lasted over two months and counting.

Jason Heyward was in the midst of a resurgent season at the plate, yet has played in only 118 games this season due to a concussion in May and then a hamstring issue three weeks ago that is still keeping him from playing at 100 percent.

Yet, here the Cubs are, ready to enter the final week of the season in the driver's seat of the entire National League.

"I mean, I don't care what place we're in. The most important thing is that you have a chance," Heyward said. "To not have a chance, it's kind of a shitty time to be playing baseball last week of the season if you don't have a chance. It's great to have a chance.

"I've been fortunate enough to not have too many games where I'm playing throughout my career that don't mean anything. We're playing meaningful baseball right now and everything else will speak for itself as far as what place we finish in, all that stuff. But we got an opportunity to get where we want to be. We gotta find different ways to do it and I feel like it's a testament to our team — we've found different ways to get it done."

Sure, the Cubs will take where they're at right now, even if it means they have to wait until the last possible moment to clinch the division.

But make no mistake, they have no thoughts of the wild card. They haven't gone through everything they've had to endure this season — and especially the last five weeks with the 30-day stretch — just to leave the entire season on the chance of a one-game crapshoot.

They know how important it is to clinch as early as they can and try to rest up and get ready for the rest of the postseason, treating the last few games of the season more like spring training where the starters only play half the time and Maddon doesn't have to press the pitchers.

The earliest the Cubs could clinch would be Tuesday night. Last year, they clinched on the Wednesday of the final week of the regular season.

"Of course you'd rather be clinched then just going through another spring training," Maddon said. "Of course you would. But who knows. Sometimes when you get pressed a little bit like this, it can make you even better. 

"The big thing when you get pressed sometimes, I just don't want us to get fatigued while you're going through this. I've been in that situation also. There's not a manager or a team alive that's gonna tell you that they would not prefer clinching well in advance to set it up. 

"That's what we did in '16 and when we did, I talked about running a spring training method for the rest of the season and I thought it played out pretty well. But in the mean time, we do show up, we've been on a tough stretch. I'm really proud of our players."

Tim Anderson's eventful day at the yard ends with shot at Joe West: 'Everybody knows he's terrible'

Tim Anderson's eventful day at the yard ends with shot at Joe West: 'Everybody knows he's terrible'

Talk about an eventful night at the ol' ballpark for Tim Anderson.

It looked like it was going to be a day worth celebrating for Anderson, whose developmental progress reached a milestone during the third inning of Saturday's Crosstown matchup with the Cubs. He hit his 20th home run of the season, becoming the first White Sox shortstop ever to have a season with at least 20 homers and at least 20 stolen bases.

A heck of a feat, one that should stand out when White Sox fans and observers spend the offseason discussing whether or not Anderson truly is this franchise's shortstop of the future.

But the ump show came and overshadowed all that.

The Cubs were in the process of extending their lead in the ninth inning, putting things out of reach, when the White Sox attempted a double play on an Anthony Rizzo groundball. Anderson got the force out at second base and attempted the turn in the presence of a sliding Javy Baez. His throw went nowhere near first base, going down as an error that allowed another run to score.

After the play was over, Rick Renteria challenged, spurring a review to see if Baez violated the rules by reaching his arm out in an attempt to impede Anderson from making the play. The review determined Baez did not do that. Anderson disagreed, and a conversation with famed umpire Joe West followed.

"I asked him a question, and he kind of got pissed at me," Anderson said of his interaction with West. "I asked him if he saw him reach for my leg in the replay. He asked me if I was going to argue that, and I said, ‘No, I was just asking a question.’ And after that I didn’t say anything else. He started barking at me. Kept staring me down. I gave him, 'Why you keep looking at me?' Did that twice and threw me out."

Anderson was ejected, and he was visibly livid on the field, screaming at West in the immediate aftermath of the ejection. Renteria came out after Anderson started making his way toward the dugout, still yelling, and was ejected, as well.

Now, White Sox fans are no stranger to West, who famously — or infamously, if you're a White Sox supporter — called a couple of balks on Mark Buehrle and ejected both Buehrle and Ozzie Guillen in a 2010 game against the Cleveland Indians, sending announcer Hawk Harrelson into an on-air rant against West: "He's becoming a joke to the umpiring profession."

But the White Sox are far from the only team to have their run-ins with West. Anderson was obviously familiar with West's reputation, taking a shot after the game.

"I don’t have much to say about him. Everybody knows he’s terrible," Anderson said. "But I didn’t say much and he threw me out. It’s OK."

Additionally, Anderson was adamant that Baez did indeed move his hand in violation of the sliding rules at second base — and added the review officials in New York to his criticism list.

"Yeah, definitely. You could see it in the replay," Anderson said. "That’s just one of the many that they missed in New York, I guess."

And so an eventful night for Anderson.

His criticisms of the officials will undoubtedly overshadow his joining the 20-homer club and standing alone in the White Sox 20-20 club. But those are just further examples on Anderson's growth as a player this season.

Yes, the error he made on that play was his 19th of the season, putting him among the league leaders in that category after he led baseball with 28 fielding errors last season. But he now has career highs in home runs, RBIs, stolen bases, doubles and walks. And his fielding has been noticeably improved over the last month or so, a result of the work he's put in with Joe McEwing.

This weekend, Anderson generated headlines with an argument with an umpire. This winter, he'll be generating discussion by what he's done on the field. And the latter has been impressive.

"I’ve been able to take my game to another level," he said. "I just have to continue to grow and just keep learning and keep working hard."