It seems like Jay Cutler is enjoying life retired from football. He has a big farm with a comical amount of animals on it and he doesn’t have the pressure of performing against a pass rush anymore.

 

It’s not all turning out how Cutler may have envisioned it though. The former Bears quarterback is taking on some other duties as well, as he described on this week’s episode of “Very Cavallari.”

He found his wife and star of the show, Kristin Cavallari, packing for a business trip to Palm Springs. Cutler assumed he was going and asked if they were sharing a bag.

“Oh, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but you’re actually not coming,” Cavallari told him.

“Hmm, shocker,” Cutler responded sarcastically.

For viewers at home, you can fill out the free space of the Cutler bingo board: one-word sarcastic response.

Cavallari leaving means Cutler was going to be alone with the couple’s three kids. This led to a conversation about how early in their relationship, when Cutler was playing for the Bears and living in Vernon Hills, she saw his sister doing his laundry for him.

Apparently, Cutler has been using some of his extra retirement free time to do Cavallari’s laundry lately, which led to a realization that Cutty wasn’t fond of.

“I’m basically the housewife,” Cutler said.

“We really have switched roles,” Cavallari responded. “You’re even doing laundry.”

“I don’t feel good about it,” Cutler said.

Later in the show, there was a case of disturbing oversharing from Cavallari. She was telling her friend, Kelly, about the time her and Cutler got colonics — together. Cavallari told the story of how, four or five months into dating, she convinced Cutler to get a colonic.

Cutler wanted to sit in on Cavallari for hers because he didn’t know what to expect. So there you have it, they sat in on each other’s colonics. Relationship goals, I guess?

Despite the tough man attitude Cutler purveys, he does have a soft spot every so often. He showed a glimpse of this while admitting he was beginning to miss his wife.

“She’s been gone so much so I’m kind of starting to miss her,” Cutler said. “So it’ll be good to get her back.”

Cutler caring about something will come as a shock to some of his Bears fans critics.

Finally, Cutler had his goofiest moment on this episode. He has been trying to get rid of their pet goat. Cavallari wasn’t on board with the idea, but Cutler found a way to sneak the goat off their property anyway.

Last week, Cutler showed off his inner llama whisperer when they took on a pet llama for a few days. It was time to give the llama back and Cutler (not so) slyly snuck the goat on the back of the trailer.

It was obvious he was pulling something and then acted like a 12-year-old lying to the parents when he was questioned about it.

“Where is Pepper?” Cavallari asked.

All Cutler’s years of pro football could teach him in this situation was to respond, “What?”

He then fessed up. Not his best play fake.

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