Have you ever randomly wondered what food Houston Texans star defensive end J.J. Watt is eating or plans to eat in the near future? Nice, cool, me too. Luckily for you, the Bears team at NBC Sports Chicago is especially invested in investigative journalism, and we're proud to share our reporting with you tonight. When asked – and this is crucial context – whether he was excited to play at Soldier Field, Watt wasted no time pivoting:
"... It's an incredible organization. It is cool to get a chance to play there. I mean, I grew up stopping at the Lake Forest Oasis and rushing Auntie Anne's and Subway and Panda Express," he said during his Wednesday press conference. "Then I had Portillo's and Lou Malnati's and some of the staples down there. I'm not going to lie – I looked up where we're staying in Chicago, and there's a Portillo's, like, half a mile away. So it's going to be pretty dangerous for me. I think Lou Malnati's is another half a block. My wife lives there now, so I've obviously had a lot of the food in the area. Robert's Pizza and Dough. There's a whole bunch of good places to eat there, so it's going to be very difficult for me not to order with a delivery service. But I am looking forward to playing at Soldier Field. I wish they would cut the grass a little shorter, that's all I'll say."
Everything about this answer – which, remember, is about the honor of playing at Soldier Field – is perfect. So perfect, in fact, that a tremendous Soldier Field dig goes virtually unnoticed. Effortlessly dropping a Subway reference on the fly is just iconic brand loyalty. Who among us hasn't ordered boatloads of carbs to our hotel room on a work trip? (Celebrities: they're just like us!) I hope the people at Robert's Pizza and Dough eventually find out that they got a fairly significant endorsement today. Do we think JJ Watt is ordering Portillo's *and* Lou Malnati's? And if you're doing that, which do you start with? Will JJ Watt's heartburn wake him up at 3am or does that not happen to professional athletes? We need more answers about your diet, JJ Watt. We deserve more answers about your diet.