Throughout his entire career, Jay Cutler was must-see TV, no matter how you felt about him.
There were highlights and lowlights and weird stuff somewhere in the middle, but it was all uniquely "Cutler."
And somehow the most "Cutler-esque" moments made us laugh, cry and feel all the feelings of the rainbow, the most.
These are dark times, there is no denying it.
When Céline Dion wrote Near, far, wherever you are/I believe that the heart does go on, she was clearly not considering how we felt about the E! smash hit 'Very Cavallari.' For the last three years, the Bears' result on Sunday only mattered until 9/8 central, when it felt like Hermes himself flew down from Mt. Olympus to gift us mere mortals a piece of the heavens: 39-46 minutes of Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler "challenged in unexpected ways, as [they] redefine their inner-circle of friends, their marriage and the roots of happiness."
And now, reader, it is us being challenged in unexpected ways:
Good night, sweet prince. What will we use as an excuse to avoid confronting Sunday Blues now? Was there anything more emotionally fulfilling than a pristinely-timed Jay Cutler eye roll? Yes! There are *lots* of things more emotionally fulfilling than a pristinely-timed Jay Cutler eye roll. But that was our thing. He did that, for us, probably. Our eyes rolled, but our hearts warmed. And now ... just ... nothing? Only a deep, black, endless void of unfathomable emptiness remains. Am I supposed to just ... watch something else? In this economy? The audacity to even suggest such a thing boggles the mind.
Rest In Peace, 'Very Cavallari.' But like, we're all on the same page about a reunion special, right?
Here we are, back again, talking about the divorce of Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari. At some point in the future professional sports will return, but until there is only the divorce of Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari.
You know the details by now: Cutler and Cavallari are calling it quits after a decade spent as Chicago's favorite couple featuring a former Bears quarterback and a reality TV star-turned successful entrepreneur. The split, as it was always destined to, played out in the tabloids and turned sour like, almost immediately. Somewhere an executive at E! is pulling their hair out at the timing. The first round of rumors regarding the relationship's final straw – a "lazy and unmotivated" Cutler – had the internet angry and confused and probably a little too nosy.
Don't worry though – just as those rumors started to fade into the background, anonymous sources gave the Daily Mail a call. Apparently, you see, the first round of rumors was totally wrong, and Jay Cutler wasn't lazy and unmotivated. Actually, the new rumors alledge, the reason was his "'rude' behavior not only towards fans, but with her, their family and friends, ultimately leaving his wife feeling alone with their three children."
Someone get in the ring and stop this fight. That or Jay's buddies need to start anoynmously leaking back or something. Stay tuned for the next round of Jay Cutler rumors, probably tomorrow or maybe in three hours.