Nick Markakis underwent fusion surgery today to repair a herniated disk in his neck. The doctor described he surgery as “a hot mess,” and that “God, I’ve never seen anything like it.” He then rocked slowly and muttered to himself with a vacant expression for an hour before collapsing in tears.
Wait, sorry. The surgery was deemed a success, as all surgeries are.
Markakis is expected to be able to begin baseball-related activities by mid-February and should begin failing to live up to the four-year contract the Braves gave him on schedule in April.