Satire: Joe Morgan’s very special advice to the Reds

It took a few hours of digging, but HardballTalk has uncovered Joe Morgan’s first memo to GM Walt Jocketty issued under his new title as Special Adviser to Baseball Operations. Apparently typed by the same person who used to handle his ESPN chats, it reads as follows: Dearest Walter, While our 2010 Reds are undoubtedly a fine team, I can’t help but remember how the 1975 Reds were 13-1 after 14 games. We have the game’s greatest manager in Dusty, so it’s time for you to go get us some players. 1. Trade Chris Dickerson to Mets for Gary Matthews Jr. Matthews is a great defensive outfielder and he gets things done. Some guys seem to focus better when the game’s on the line. Dickerson just strikes out a lot. 2. Trade Drew Stubbs to Mariners for Ken Griffey Jr. Griffey’s old man hit .330 with 25 homers for the 1975 Reds. The Kid’s still got it. Stats don’t tell you about heart, determination and mental attitude. 3. Trade Homer Bailey to the Rangers for Julio Borbon No pitcher with the name Homer is ever going to be a winner. Why I remember when we went and picked up a pitcher named Woodie Fryman and we never won another World Series. Don’t downplay intangibles. Derek Jeter is the best example that you can get of a guy that helps you win championships with his intangibles. Now, Julio isn’t actually related to our old ace reliever Pedro Borbon, who had 45 saves for the 1975 Reds, but we don’t have to tell anyone that. 4. Trade for Alex Concepcion and Concepcion Rodriguez I just asked Mark Simon and he told me there were two Concepcions playing in the minors right now. We need them both. Doesn’t matter who you have to give up, Walt. Follow my plan and we’re not going to have use for that Bruce fella anymore anyway. You go ahead and get started on these and then we’ll see about getting some pitchers. I know you’re pretty much hopeless there after you missed out on Livan over the winter, but I have my eye on a few guys. I’m told Tommy Hanson will be starting on Sunday night, and he reminds me of a young Gary Nolan. I’ll do you a solid and talk him down a bit. Regards, Joe Morgan Hall of Famer 2 World Championships 2 MVPs 5 Gold Gloves P.S. Russ Ortiz is available. Not every day you can acquire a 20-game winner. P.P.S. I’d just like to congratulate my daughter for winning her gymnastics competition last weekend. P.P.P.S. None of this is real, if that wasn’t abundantly clear already.