I have a vague sense of what happens at the NBA Rookie Transition Program – and a better of what isn’t supposed to happen.
The league tries to educate its new players on life in the NBA, teach a few life skills and prevent issues down the road.
But what exactly does that involve?
Thanks to Sarah Lyall of The New York Times (hat tip: Barry Petchesky of Deadspin), we have a pretty good look at one segment of the program.
The advice ranges from oft-repeated (“When you walk outside the house, assume that someone is watching you”) to hypocritical (“In business, you have to fit in and you have to stand out”) to salacious (“Her name is probably not really Sparkle Smith”).
Here’s everything Lyall revealed, and it appears her notes were thorough:
I am at the NBA Rookie Transition Program, where the rookies are listening to a lady tell them how to wear stylish shirts.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
Every NBA gentleman should have a peacoat, a baseball jacket, a raincoat and an overcoat in his closet, apparently.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
It is good to wear an expensive watch, the NBA fashion consultant says. No sunglasses indoors. No headphones. No shlumpy untailored suits.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
Shabazz Napier of Miami asks fashion lady, Do we need to buy lots of stuff or just basic items?
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
NBA players are style icons, according to GQ's "executive stylist," who is now talking to the rookies. So they better dress nicely.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
Stylist to NBA rookies:"This is extremely important. Every one of you must have a navy suit, must have a black suit, must have a gray suit."
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
Style consultant to nba rookies: do not use the same Irish Spring soap under your arms that you use on your face.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
When NBA gentlemen leave the house, they should throw on an expensive watch and maybe a signature fragrance, the GQ editor says.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
Sportspeople should have good relationships with their tailors .
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
LaRue Martin tells NBA rookies that he used to have President Obama's cell phone number.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
We are now discussing how NBA rookies can become personal brands.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
Make sure you have a good image when you are a basketball player, so you can have a good career when you stop playing.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
If you come to an interview with your pants hanging off your behind, you probably won't get a good post-NBA job.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
Make sure your hair is clean.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
if you don't say something when someone's pants are sagging, that person might be the person who ends up robbing and killing you.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
Networking is your net worth, according to the NBA panel.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
When you're doing an interview, you don't want the first thing they see to be the dreadlocks in your beard.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
Do not cover your neck in tattoos.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
You can buy nice sneakers at a store in Louisville, Kentucky.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
After a game, sign the damn autograph. You never know whose kid is who.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
Be a sponge.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
There are many ways of dressing up a cargo pant.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
If you can't articulate how you want your clothes to look, cut a picture out of a magazine.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
You can wear the navy blazer with the black pants.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
When you walk outside the house, assume that someone is watching you.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
There are four dress shirts that every gentleman must have in his closet.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 6, 2014
At the NBA rookie training school, where the rookies are learning how to establish their personal brand.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
"Sometimes you have to clap for yourself." #nbaRookieAdvice
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
All teams need leaders.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
People decide everything about you based on the first 10 words you say.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Lindsay Lohan is irresponsible.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
If you are late, people will think you are inconsiderate.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
In business, you have to fit in and you have to stand out.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
If people live in your house and use your credit cards and drive your car, you should know their last names.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Her name is probably not really Sparkle Smith.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
In business meetings, do not slouch down in your seat.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
If you're alseep, you're in trouble.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
If you make eye contact, people think you're sincere.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Many guys think you don’t have to introduce yourself, but that’s not true.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Networking is important to help you build your brand, because your network is your net worth.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
If you don't know anybody at an event, talk to the person standing alone.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Sometimes you will have meals that include food and chicken.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Your place setting will include two forks one knife one spoon and a glass.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
the main meal is called an entree, but first we're going to have an appetizer.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Where is the small fork?
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Where's your knife?
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Remember this: BMW. Bread, Meal, Water.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
The round spoon is the soup spoon.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Do not fold your napkin into your collar.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
You do not dunp your hand in your soup bowl.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
If your soup is too hot, do not blow. Stir.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
If it's hot bread, you can cut it, slice it and butter the entire thing. If it's cold bread you cannot butter the whole thing and chomp.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Do not put your napkin on the table until you are finished.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
The meat is dead; you do not have to kill it again.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Europeans do not switch hands after cutting their meat.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Hold the elevator so that ladies can get on first.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Tell people somethiing about yourself.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
When you disagree with something, say "Mm hmm."
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Tell your friends how to eat properly, so they don't embarrass you at dinner.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
People are always watching.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
When you're young, make sure you do all the things you need to do when it comes to nutrition.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Hydration is going to help you look good. #NBARookieAdvice
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
In college a lot of you could skate by on your talent alone.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Your brain is 95 percent water.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
If you're drinking too little, you'll lose your muscles.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Hydration is the difference between steak and beef jerky.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Lubricate your joints.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
You need fluid in you to dissipate the heat away from your muscles.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
How do you tell if you're hydrated?
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Look at your urine.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Your urine should not look like apple juice or Guinness.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Calculate your sweat rate.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Dehydration is usually not a one-time event.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Caffeinated beverages and alcohol do not help.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Have you ever licked your sweat?
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Your gasoline is carbohydrates.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
No one is unbeatable, not even you.
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
Your coaches want you to be coachable. #NBARookieTips
— Sarah Lyall (@sarahlyall) August 7, 2014
I’m left with a big question: If you don’t butter your entire piece of cold bread and chomp, what do you do with it? Please help. Thanks.