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Hand sanitizer and motherly advice: Things that would supposedly stump the mumps

ICE Detains And Deports Undocumented Immigrants From Arizona

MESA, AZ - FEBRUARY 28: A U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), security contractor squirts hand sanitizer onto the hands of a Honduran immigration detainees before deporting him on a flight to San Pedro Sula, Honduras on February 28, 2013 in Mesa, Arizona. ICE operates 4-5 flights per week from Mesa to Central America, deporting hundreds of undocumented immigrants detained in western states of the U.S. With the possibility of federal budget sequestration, ICE released 303 immigration detainees in the last week from detention centers throughout Arizona. More than 2,000 immigration detainees remain in ICE custody in the state. Most detainees typically remain in custody for several weeks before they are deported to their home country, while others remain for longer periods while their immigration cases work through the courts. (Photo by John Moore/Getty Images)

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You know what this weirdly widespread mumps phenomenon really needed? People providing armchair medical advice.

Thankfully, Chicago Blackhawks forward Kris Versteeg and Ottawa Senators owner Eugene Melnyk stepped to the plate in that regard, and the results may or may not leave team doctors gritting their teeth.

The Blackhawks provided the standard denial regarding Duncan Keith’s “illness” on Tuesday, but at least it prompted Versteeg to share this gem with the Chicago Tribune’s Chris Kuc:

“It’s weird that it’s happening, but hand sanitizer I guess ... that’s what it’s for,” Versteeg said.

Hey, let’s give Versteeg some credit, as it applies to one of the CDC’s ways of avoiding spreading the disease, at least if the hand sanitizer works:

Some things people can do to help prevent the spread of mumps and other infections include

  • Washing hands well and often with soap, and teaching children to wash their hands too
  • Not sharing eating or drinking utensils
  • Cleaning surfaces that are frequently touched (such as toys, doorknobs, tables, and counters) regularly with soap and water or with cleaning wipes
  • Minimize close contact with other people if you are sick
  • Cover your mouth and nose with a tissue when you cough or sneeze, and put your used tissue in the trash can. If you don’t have a tissue, cough or sneeze into your upper sleeve or elbow, not your hands

Noted forensics enthusiast and Senators owner Eugene Melynk is even less scientific with his advice to the Ottawa Sun’s Don Brennan.

“It doesn’t take a genius to figure out somebody’s got mumps,” Melnyk said. “Go to your grandmother or mother, and they’ll tell you you’ve got mumps.”

One can imagine dozens of NHL teams saying, “Of course, if only we would have thought about the worried parent method sooner.”

/Cuts to the Pittsburgh Penguins making someone’s grandmother their new team doctor

Anyway, it’s tough to tell how much these incidents could have been prevented, yet one good measure may have been to “keep everyone away from the fellow with the enormously swollen face.”


That said, this isn’t Professional Doctors’ Hockey Talk, so take that with a grain of salt (and maybe a vitamin C tablet).

Follow James O’Brien @cyclelikesedins