Jason Kelce vs. Alex Ovechkin: A battle for parade glory

Jason Kelce vs. Alex Ovechkin: A battle for parade glory

By now, you’ve probably seen Alexander Ovechkin’s parade speech in Washington after the Capitals finally won a Stanley Cup. 

If you haven’t, it was pretty good. 

It got us thinking, though … was it better than Jason Kelce’s speech? And if it wasn’t, how close was it? 

Well, we’ll break it down by five different categories, keeping in mind this is about an inexact a science as there is and most Philadelphians would go Kelce and most folks from D.C. would obvi pick Ovie. 

Anyway, here it goes: 


OK, so this is a layup for Kelce, who rocked a ridiculous green Mummers costume. Check out how he ended up in that costume here. It was really a perfect nod to the city that had waited so long for that exact parade. 

Nothing wrong with Ovie’s attire. But he just wore his No. 8 jersey. There were probably 100,000 fans at the parade wearing the same exact thing. 

Advantage: Kelce


It’s hard to imagine Kelce getting outdone here, but Ovechkin said: “Hold my beer.” Actually, he said, “Give me that beer back.” I mean, have you seen all the videos of Ovechkin from the last week? I don’t think that man has been sober since the Cup was handed to him. He was doing keg stands out of the Stanley Cup!

Advantage: Ovie


English obviously isn’t Ovechkin’s first language, but that just added to the charm of his speech. “We’re not gonna be f------ suck this year!” That’s an all-timer. Really great stuff. 

The problem is that Kelce went on a full-on rant. The hungry dogs stuff, bringing up his teammates and his coach and his GM. Ovie put up a good fight, but this is a no-brainer. 

Advantage: Kelce 

Pure joy

Kelce was great, but you could actually argue that his speech was more intense than it was joyous. Go back and listen to the end of Ovechkin’s short speech. That yell is crazy. That’s the essence of pure joy. It’s at this time we’d like to point out that this category might be tied to one from earlier in the list. 

Advantage: Ovie

Use of a curse word

Ovie obviously didn’t have a super long speech like Kelce, but his F-bomb was pretty good and we already talked about its charm. 

But Kelce put on a master class in the use of a swear word.

Dressed in his Mummers outfit, Kelce was impassioned through the whole speech, but he let it build up to his first F-bomb of a few. Kelce actually said 399 words before cursing. When he did, it was like what happens to a soda after shaking it up and popping the tab. 

"You know who the biggest underdog is? It's y'all, Philadelphia. For 52 years, y'all have been waiting for this. You want to talk about underdog? You want to talk about a hungry dog? For the last 52 years, you have been starved of this championship. Everybody wonders why we're so mean. Everybody wonders why the Philadelphia Eagles don't have the nicest fans. If I don't eat breakfast, I'm f------ pissed off!

Advantage: Kelce 

Final Score: Kelce 3, Ovie 2

A nice showing from one of the greatest hockey players in the world, but he was unable to take down the Eagles’ center. 

Eagles mailbag: Moving Rasul Douglas, keeping Donnel Pumphrey

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Eagles mailbag: Moving Rasul Douglas, keeping Donnel Pumphrey

We split up your questions, so Part I of the mailbag ran yesterday (see story).

Just a reminder: training camp starts July 25 and the first practice will be July 26. 

Let’s not waste any more time. 

I’ve heard this a ton from people and it makes sense. Douglas seems to have what you’d look for in a safety and the Eagles value coverage skills in that position, something Douglas clearly has. So I see that as a possibility, but the Eagles have seemed hesitant to move him or even to really cross-train him. For me, the time to do it would have been during the OTAs and minicamp. Why not slide him back there for a few days to see how he handles it? That’s how I would have handled it. Without any extended time at safety in the spring, it’s hard for me to envision real cross-training in the summer. Eventually, though, you’re right; this makes sense. 

I don’t think so. Pumphrey looked a little better this spring, but he better have a great training camp. Right now, I have the Eagles keeping four running backs: Jay Ajayi, Darren Sproles, Corey Clement, Matt Jones. If they keep five, Pump has a real chance; he’d just need to beat out Wendell Smallwood for that final spot. I think he has a decent chance, but I haven’t seen enough to give him a roster spot. He’s a player I’ll be watching extremely close at training camp. 

I’ll preface this by saying I’m no punter expert, but Cameron Johnston looks pretty solid to me. He was a really good punter at Ohio State and seemed to boot the ball pretty well this spring. The Eagles were comfortable enough with him to move on from Donnie Jones. 

To answer the second part, he will be the holder for Jake Elliott. The two have been working together this spring. While Johnston held last summer, Elliott was still in Cincinnati. They have to gel. 

In my latest 53-man roster projection, I actually don’t have Tre Sullivan in there. Instead, I went with Corey Graham, who is still on the street. I agree with you that in most situations going with the younger guy is the move, but not with this team. Not this year. Graham was such an important part of last year’s team. And because the Eagles have a legitimate shot to repeat, I’d try to bring him back. The Eagles have about $6 million in cap space. Get it done. 

Hi, John. Mango. Always mango.

More on the Eagles

• Foles is a legend, but Eagles still need Wentz

• Will Derek Barnett really compete to start in 2018?

• A meeting with Chip Kelly brought Press Taylor to Eagles

• On his 35th birthday, a look at upcoming milestones for Sproles

• A progress report for Eagles' draft picks after spring practices 

Eagles Mailbag: Biggest concern on 2018 roster

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Eagles Mailbag: Biggest concern on 2018 roster

We’ve officially reached the only sort of dead period on the NFL calendar. The Eagles are through their spring practices and won’t be back at the NovaCare Complex until July 25 for the start of training camp. 

That sounds far away, but it’ll be here before you know it. 

You guys were great and gave me a ton of questions, so I’ll answer half today and half Sunday. Let’s go: 

I’m tempted to say defensive tackle just for health concerns surrounding Tim Jernigan, but I have to answer linebacker. Jordan Hicks appears to be healthy after tearing his Achilles last year, but as good as he is when healthy, it’s just tough to count on him. Two years ago, he was able to play a full season and things were looking good, but then he suffered another serious injury. If Hicks and Bradham stay healthy, linebackers aren’t a concern. The Eagles will have either Kamu Grugier-Hill, Nate Gerry or Corey Nelson take the weakside spot on base downs and they’ll be OK. 

But without Mychal Kendricks, it’s fair to be concerned about their depth at the position, especially after veteran pickup Paul Worrilow was already lost for the year. Kendricks came up huge last year as a fill-in; not sure the Eagles have that kind of depth this year. 

Not sure yet. What I can tell you about De’Vante Bausby is that he was impressive this spring and the coaching staff seems to love him. I remain very, very skeptical that he’s good enough to keep Sidney Jones off the field. With that said, I do think he’s talented enough to make the 53-man roster. We’ll get a better sense at camp when the pads go on, but I have him penciled in to make the team. 

Yes on both. The Nate Sudfeld hype is real. In our first extended looks at the young quarterback, he’s been incredibly impressive. It’s starting to make sense why the Eagles snatched him from Washington and then blocked the Colts from signing him last season. They kept him on the 53 in the second half of last year, so they’re completely prepared to keep three QBs on this year’s roster if Foles is still on the team. 

This is going to be the summer of Nate Sudfeld. We’re going to see him play a ton in those preseason games and that will let us know if he’s ready to be QB2 behind Carson Wentz. But the fact that the Eagles didn’t bring in a more experienced veteran after Wentz went down last year pretty much tells you all you need to know about what the Eagles think of him. 

We tried that. Didn’t work out well. We’re up for suggestions. 

You have no idea how out of water this fish is. This is like taking a fish from the ocean and dropping it in Kansas. 

How about Portugal? I’ll go with them because of Ronaldo.