No one in real life conversation actually cares about anything going on with your fantasy team, but having a dope team name can be just as much of a source of pride as grabbing Christian McCaffrey with the first overall pick in your draft. If you’re an Eagles fan, you’re probably inclined to show off your midnight green pride by having a team name that’s some sort of pun related to the Eagles.
While picking your team name is all in good fun, you do not want to have a really dumb, annoying name that other people will be forced to see weekly for the next fourth months. As I know very well from personal experience, there’s nothing worse than an unfunny person who thinks they’re funny. With that in mind, here are some of the most embarrassing paths you could pursue, as well as a couple names I’m partial to this fantasy season:
The worst of the worst
If your name references both the Eagles and Harambe, the Cincinnati Zoo gorilla who was murdered in 2016, all these years later, please delete the ESPN (or Yahoo) Fantasy app off your phone.
King of the Grugier-Hill
Are you still obsessed with an animated sitcom that premiered over 20 years ago? If you have an unhealthy love for propane like Hank Hill, you may be inclined to choose this as your name. I’m super high on Kamu Grugier-Hill even with his Grade 3 MCL keeping him out until November, but I used this name for my work pick ‘em league last year and was ashamed of it by Week 3.
Chris Long may be gone, but the “Long Cox” type of puns will still live on with the Eagles as long as Lane Johnson, Jason Peters and Fletcher Cox are on the team. General rule: if you’re considering a name that your 12-year-old cousin might also use, pick a different name.
The Wentz and Future King
Just unbearably bad. Yes, Wentz was once an MVP frontrunner before injuries sapped him of that prestige the last two seasons and he’s now poised to go scorched earth on the rest of the league once again, but just no.
Hit the Jaccpot
Do I love DeSean Jackson? Maybe more than life itself, but come on.
Hit 'em where it Ertz
My dad is in a fantasy football league this season for the first time in about 15 years since he was in a salary cap-based league on Sporting News. I remain shocked that he didn’t try to make this his name, especially when he went out of his way to draft Zach Ertz in the second round. He was also mad I didn’t enact a rule as commissioner that no one was allowed to draft Cowboys players.
The only good names
Ra's al Ghul Douglas
You like Batman? A nod to one of the Caped Crusader’s greatest adversaries that also spotlights a young cornerback poised for a breakout starting role this season, I’m all in on this name. 2019 also marks the 80th anniversary of Batman’s first comic appearance way back in Detective Comics No. 27, so get ready to turn the Bat-Signal into the Eagle-Signal.
Let me paint you a picture. It’s Week 16. Mid-round fantasy pick Miles Sanders has carried you to your fantasy football championship, where you’re projected to beat your sophomore year roommate. You’re outside the Linc, waiting for the Eagles to smash the Cowboys and clinch home-field advantage throughout the playoffs in the process. As you’re finishing your last Miller Lite before heading into the game, “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers comes on at the tailgate. You’ve reached the pinnacle of your existence.
JJ Arcega-Whiteside is also poised to be a future beast, though maybe not for this specific fantasy season.
Eagles won Super Bowl
If you’re in a league with work colleagues or old friends from college, there’s nothing wrong with reminding them what happened the night of Feb. 4, 2018.
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