Gritty, the Flyers' orange ball of carnage, is known for his disheveled appearance, but he apparently has plenty of thoughts on personal hygiene:
If you know anything about me, you know how seriously I take my cleanliness and hygiene. The Gritizens have asked, and as always, I've delivered. See below:— Gritty (@GrittyNHL) March 24, 2020
Interesting. And slightly worrying.
With more time than usual on his hands while he practices social distancing, Gritty took to Twitter on Tuesday to share some of his best hygiene tips for those spending more time than usual in their homes.
We're going to break them down below, because if you take Gritty's word at face value, you might run into a few problems.
1. "Wipe down all surfaces with appropriate amount of toilet paper and fabreze."
Please do not tee-pee your house. Toilet paper has its own purpose, Grit.
2. "Cover all spills with newspaper, leave to let dry for 3-5 days."
Don't do this; instead, read the newspaper and use a dish towel or a few sheets of paper towel to clean up the mess. And Grit, bud, that's way too many days.
3. "Don't forget to water your plants. Plants are people too, you know."
You know what? This is a good one. And Gritty gave us a video to boot:
Don’t forget to water your plants. Plants are people too, you know. pic.twitter.com/Y5Ncx2RaLO— Gritty (@GrittyNHL) March 24, 2020
Maybe we're turning a corner here.
4. "Tide pods are like little bars of shower soap for all your nooks and crannies, not for human consumption. BTW towels N/A, air dry only."
Ah, welp, guess not. At least he's not telling us to eat the Tide Pods, but please only put Tide Pods in your washing machine. The air dry thing ... that's up to you.
5. "Most people don't know, plungers are multi-use. Think about it."
This one is scarily open-ended. What's he referencing? Climbing walls like a spy? Removing earwax? Using a plunger as a hat? The mind shudders.
6. "Carpet should be mowed to desired length."
This is my favorite Grit tip. It's still not advisable! But it is definitely funny. Also, if your carpet is growing, you might want to get a new one.
7. "Your shower drain is definitely clogged with fur. Maybe try Nair?"
Fur in the drain shouldn't be a problem unless you let your pets take daily showers, or you have a giant orange goofball living in the guest room.
8. "Mr. Clean's magic eraser does not erase bad decisions. Also, not magic."
Gritty ends on a high note. This is all true: it can't fix your karaoke after that fifth drink, and it's not magic, it's just a cleaner! False advertising from the bald guy, something Gritty would never do ... probably.
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