Oh, wow, a cheesesteak ranking! Instead of trying to put down the city’s various cheesesteak hotspots, I’m going to positively highlight some of its best. Most people’s favorite cheesesteak place is the one closest to their childhood home, so I respect everyone’s top choice. 

My only bold take is that 99 percent of cheesesteaks from Philly are good, especially if you’re eating them any time after midnight (or wearing midnight green on a Sunday). Spend less time arguing and more time clogging your cholesterol. 

People love to put down Pat’s and Geno’s to try and act like they’re better than everyone else. Is it annoying trying to drive down Passyunk Avenue while tourists are in the middle of South Philly’s Times Square trying to take Insta pictures of each cheesesteak spot? Yes. Is a whiz wit from Pat’s after a Sunday afternoon Phillies game delicious? Also yes. Respect the OG. (1237 E. Passyunk Ave.)

Classic Northeast Philly spot that now has several franchises in the area. Is the “Prince of Steaks” name a jab at Pat’s? I’m not here to criticize the city’s cheesesteaks, but I’m very much here for the bickering and drama between all the different spots. (7200 Bustleton Ave., 41 S. 16th St., others)

A 2nd Street favorite, this little shack on Snyder Avenue would rank higher if we were dealing with all types of classic Philly sandwiches and not just cheesesteaks. The seeded roll each steak comes on from John’s is one of the best in the city and pairs perfectly with some gooey, melted American cheese. (14 Snyder Ave.)

Again, another spot that would rank much higher if this was about all sandwiches. Chicken cutlet with broccoli rabe from Tony Luke’s? Maybe the GOAT Philly sandwich. Its cheesesteaks though? Still pretty good! Also: Who can forget Tony Luke Jr.’s wild cameo in the Vince Papale biopic Invincible? (39 E. Oregon Ave., Ashburn Alley at CBP, Terminal F at PHL, others)

Jim’s has been an iconic part of the cheesesteak mythos since 1939 when the founders started slinging sandwiches from their West Philly house before opening up their now-famous South Street location in 1976. It’s the perfect middle ground between a place with street cred and a nationally-known cheesesteak spot. (400 South St.) 

The former South Jersey output made its way to 9th and Fitzwater earlier this year. I got its cheesesteak with cooper sharp provolone before a Sixers-Raptors game last month. Oh. My. Goodness. It doesn't do deliveries and it has no phone. Cash only. Get down there ASAP. (736 S. 9th St.)

You ever watch a heartbreaking Eagles loss (Week 7 against the Panthers in 2018 for me) and then order a cheesesteak from Woodrow’s with shaved ribeye, truffled whiz, cherry pepper mayo and caramelized onions for delivery? No? Then you’ve never practiced self-care. (630 South St.)

One of the most revered cheesesteak spots in Philly, sitting right off Henry Avenue, Dalessandro’s packs your steak with meat, onions and cheese like no other. Jimmy Fallon gave Ben Simmons a cheesesteak from Dalessandro’s on The Tonight Show just a few days before the Sixers selected him with the first pick in the 2016 NBA draft. Aussie approved! (600 Wendover St.)

This is another new school spot like Woodrow’s, but Oh Brother Philly has won a spot in my heart with its French onion cheesesteak: a mix of a South Philly diner staple and the city’s most famous sandwich, this cheesesteak tastes like both nostalgia and a whole new world simultaneously. (206 Market St.)

The day after the Eagles won the Super Bowl, I went to the Eagles Pro Shop, emptied my bank account there, spent the entire afternoon drinking pitchers of green beer at McGillin’s and then stopped at Phil’s Steaks on West Passyunk a few blocks from my childhood home, as I had close to 100 times in my life previously. I ordered a whiz and American witout and took a bite out of it.

It was the first cheesesteak of the rest of my life. (2234 W. Passyunk Ave.)