Washington Capitals

Jason Kelce vs. Alex Ovechkin: A battle for parade glory

Jason Kelce vs. Alex Ovechkin: A battle for parade glory

By now, you’ve probably seen Alexander Ovechkin’s parade speech in Washington after the Capitals finally won a Stanley Cup. 

If you haven’t, it was pretty good. 

It got us thinking, though … was it better than Jason Kelce’s speech? And if it wasn’t, how close was it? 

Well, we’ll break it down by five different categories, keeping in mind this is about an inexact a science as there is and most Philadelphians would go Kelce and most folks from D.C. would obvi pick Ovie. 

Anyway, here it goes: 

Outfit

OK, so this is a layup for Kelce, who rocked a ridiculous green Mummers costume. Check out how he ended up in that costume here. It was really a perfect nod to the city that had waited so long for that exact parade. 

Nothing wrong with Ovie’s attire. But he just wore his No. 8 jersey. There were probably 100,000 fans at the parade wearing the same exact thing. 

Advantage: Kelce

Drunkenness

It’s hard to imagine Kelce getting outdone here, but Ovechkin said: “Hold my beer.” Actually, he said, “Give me that beer back.” I mean, have you seen all the videos of Ovechkin from the last week? I don’t think that man has been sober since the Cup was handed to him. He was doing keg stands out of the Stanley Cup!

Advantage: Ovie

Speech

English obviously isn’t Ovechkin’s first language, but that just added to the charm of his speech. “We’re not gonna be f------ suck this year!” That’s an all-timer. Really great stuff. 

The problem is that Kelce went on a full-on rant. The hungry dogs stuff, bringing up his teammates and his coach and his GM. Ovie put up a good fight, but this is a no-brainer. 

Advantage: Kelce 

Pure joy

Kelce was great, but you could actually argue that his speech was more intense than it was joyous. Go back and listen to the end of Ovechkin’s short speech. That yell is crazy. That’s the essence of pure joy. It’s at this time we’d like to point out that this category might be tied to one from earlier in the list. 

Advantage: Ovie

Use of a curse word

Ovie obviously didn’t have a super long speech like Kelce, but his F-bomb was pretty good and we already talked about its charm. 

But Kelce put on a master class in the use of a swear word.

Dressed in his Mummers outfit, Kelce was impassioned through the whole speech, but he let it build up to his first F-bomb of a few. Kelce actually said 399 words before cursing. When he did, it was like what happens to a soda after shaking it up and popping the tab. 

"You know who the biggest underdog is? It's y'all, Philadelphia. For 52 years, y'all have been waiting for this. You want to talk about underdog? You want to talk about a hungry dog? For the last 52 years, you have been starved of this championship. Everybody wonders why we're so mean. Everybody wonders why the Philadelphia Eagles don't have the nicest fans. If I don't eat breakfast, I'm f------ pissed off!

Advantage: Kelce 

Final Score: Kelce 3, Ovie 2

A nice showing from one of the greatest hockey players in the world, but he was unable to take down the Eagles’ center. 

The Washington Capitals' parade looked OK, I guess

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USA Today Images

The Washington Capitals' parade looked OK, I guess

I'm admitedly not the most hardcore of Flyers fans, so perhaps watching the celebration down in Washington, DC was tougher for those among us whose blood is a bit more orange. But I must say, the Capitals party over the past few days looked pretty OK to me.

It also reminded me a bit of what an absolute bonkers and joyous time we had here in Philadelphia back in February. There's something to be said for a city ending an incredibly long and painful championship draught. The party is a little extra.

Alex Ovechkin reached Jason Kelce status over the past few days. Heck, he may have surpassed it. Maybe his podium moment wasn't as poetic but we have to get Kelce to do some laps in the fountains on the Ben Franklin Parkway one of these days. That looked fun as hell.

Also, they just seemed to have had a whole lot of beer down there, which is OK:

But because, after all, it's DC we're talking about: their crowd size wasn't the most impressive.

That's all I got. Congrats, Caps fans, I guess. Good party.

Flyers fan's guide to Stanley Cup Final

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USA Today Images

Flyers fan's guide to Stanley Cup Final

NBC Sports Philadelphia's John Boruk, Tom Dougherty and Jordan Hall provide the Flyers fan's guide to the Stanley Cup Final, which begins tonight at 8 on NBC.

Boruk

Who Flyers fans should cheer for
The Golden Knights are clearly the sentimental favorite and if they win the Stanley Cup, they very well may be the best team story since the Miracle on Ice in 1980. However, let’s make a case for pulling for the Capitals.

Alex Ovechkin has been Sidney Crosby’s long-time nemesis since coming into the league in 2005 and for the anti-Crosby crowd, it was gratifying to see Ovechkin and the Caps finally get over that hump. If you’re looking for a sentimental angle, Barry Trotz is the father of a special needs child, son Nolan, who has Down syndrome, and Trotz enters the Final in the final few months of his contract. Both Trotz, Ovechkin and the Capitals have been repeatedly criticized as just not good enough to win a Cup. Here’s a chance to prove them all wrong. A Washington victory would keep the Stanley Cup in the Metropolitan Division for the third straight year, proving the Flyers compete in the toughest division in hockey.     

Conn Smythe
Right now, it’s all about Flower power. Marc-Andre Fleury has posted some ridiculous numbers through the first three rounds of the playoffs — a 12-3 record with a 1.68 goals against and a .947 save percentage. Even if the Capitals win the Cup, Fleury may still receive the honors in a losing effort as the award is a reflection of the entire postseason.

Prediction: Golden Knights in five
They swept the Kings, never trailed in the Sharks series and reeled off four straight wins over Winnipeg. Vegas is proving how dominant they are and that their regular season was no fluke. They enter the Stanley Cup Final well rested and I don’t think the Capitals will keep up with the Knights' relentless pressure and high-tempo.

Dougherty

Who Flyers fans should cheer for
There is not a lot to cheer about in this country right now, but the Vegas Golden Knights are as good of a story as you will find anywhere. We need it.

I don't get how anyone can actively root against Vegas. An expansion team in the Stanley Cup Final. A team filled with misfits and a castaway head coach who was forced to hail his own taxi after the Panthers fired him.

Everyone loves an underdog and if you're from Philly, you know the rest. Need more reason to root for Vegas? How about Pierre-Edouard Bellemare and Luca Sbisa, who, let's not forget, helped the Flyers acquire Chris Pronger in 2009?

Conn Smythe
Win or lose, the Conn Smythe has to go to Fleury. He already has the best save percentage through the first three rounds of the Stanley Cup Playoffs ever. Unless he allows five goals per game in the FInal — won't happen — I don't see how the Conn Smythe can go to anyone else. Fleury has been the best player throughout these playoffs and it's not even close.  

Prediction: Golden Knights in five
I'm not betting against Vegas anymore. I still look at the Golden Knights' roster and am befuddled at how they even made the playoffs, let alone the Stanley Cup Final. But here we are. I learned my lesson. Vegas wins easily.

Hall

Who Flyers fans should cheer for
Ovechkin is a likable player and the Philadelphia sports fan can certainly relate to the Capitals' pain of a championship drought. Heck, if you think you've had it bad, Washington has never hoisted the Stanley Cup, with a lengthy stretch recently of notoriously falling well short of expectations.

However, the Capitals are in the Metropolitan Division and hold a geographical significance to Flyers fans.

Is there anything to dislike about the Golden Knights and their story? Not really. It's pretty neat and if anyone is uneasy about a team winning in its first year of existence, well, the whole league has to deal with that, too.

Conn Smythe
It's hard to believe it won't be Ovechkin if the Capitals come out victorious. He's having an excellent postseason, he's one of the biggest faces in the NHL and if anyone deserves a Cup, it's probably this guy.

Prediction: Capitals in six
The Capitals are so close they can taste it. I simply don't see this group getting this far, exorcising some serious playoff demons, without finishing the job.

Ovechkin, Braden Holtby and the rest just seem laser focused. And not that Vegas will be happy to be there, but it might not feel the same sense of urgency of Washington.