As someone who likes to complain about everything, my favorite holiday is Festivus. If you’re under 23 or grew up without basic cable, Festivus came into being through the Seinfeld episode, “The Strike.”
Frank Costanza, inventor of the holiday, states, “At the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year.”
This is known as the Airing of Grievances. In keeping with the holiday spirit, I’m going to air my grievances with all the Philly sports figures who have disappointed me in 2018.
The Colangelo Family
I can’t tell if Jerry and Bryan Colangelo are like Frank and George Costanza or something entirely more sinister. Jerry helped oust cult figure Sam Hinkie, maybe the Lloyd Braun to Bryan’s George Costanza, in 2016 as the franchise went through a sham of a hiring process before installing Bryan as GM.
For all the success the team has had since, so many miscalculations and roster mistakes made are still hampering the Sixers. They have 3 1/2 good players (JJ Redick is a Clementon Park turnstile defensively) and the team completely collapses when Joel Embiid, Ben Simmons, Jimmy Butler and uncaged Redick are off the court.
The Markelle Fultz trade is on pace to be one of the worst of the century, potentially even *the* worst given how much it’s aided the Celtics’ path toward championship contention. Know what the Sixers could really use right now? A player with the skills Fultz displayed during his lone season at Washington. Does that player still exist? I don’t think so.
The Colangelos failed to surround Embiid and Simmons with a single young role player worth anything in two years. The Sixers traded up to draft Anžejs Pasečņiks, who is without a doubt not a real person, with the 25th pick in the 2017 draft. The 27th pick? Kyle Kuzma. The 30th pick? Josh Hart. Those two guys are flanking LeBron James in L.A.
Oh yeah: Bryan’s wife, Barbara Bottini, bless her Italian soul, started *multiple* Twitter burner accounts where she freely tweeted confidential info about the franchise, all the while defending the bonehead moves her husband made. Get you a girl like Babs Bottini as long as you’re not an NBA executive.
Mike Groh
With the departure of Frank Reich, Groh had Jordan Mailata-sized shoes to fill coming into 2018 as the Eagles’ new offensive coordinator. It’s with a heavy heart that I admit I'd be OK if Groh, who served as wide receivers coach during last year’s Super Bowl run, never stepped foot within city limits again.
Run some plays in 12 personnel with mismatch nightmare Dallas Goedert and the record-breaking Zach Ertz? Nope. Groh wants to run a screen to Golden Tate, a player Groh claims to have no idea how to incorporate into the offense, that all 69,000 people in the Linc know is coming.
The Eagles would benefit from some outside influence on their offensive scheme in 2019. If they don’t, I’m sure you’ll see Groh’s name on this list next year.
Flyers
It’s bad if the most noteworthy thing to happen to your franchise in the last nine years is a seven-foot, googly-eyed creature rising from the seventh circle of hell and becoming your mascot.
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