The Day the Eagles Died: Assigning blame for a season-ending disaster

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Following Monday night’s disgraceful home loss to the Green Bay Packers, the Eagles are now shamefully, embarrassingly, below .500 and unlikely to even make the playoffs. Remember back in training camp, when Sam Bradford was supposed to be the quarterback and nobody much cared? I miss that feeling. 

We were playing a reeling Packers team, with a quarterback hopelessly distracted by both a family feud and a celebrity girlfriend, and we still couldn’t beat them. The Eagles even let Aaron Rodgers escape into that weird sideline tent without retaliating. Disgrace. But as usual, there’s plenty of blame to around:  

I blame Doug Pederson, whose mastery of timeouts, challenges and clock management make me long for the in-game savvy of Andy Reid.  

I blame Andy Reid. Bringing Doug Pederson to the Eagles as a player was his idea. So was hiring and promoting him as an assistant. Is the entire Pederson regime an elaborate revenge operation, against Philadelphia, by Andy?

I blame Howie Roseman. Remember those three or four weeks when we were happy with him? What were we thinking? 

I blame Jim Schwartz. Last time we tried the Wide 9, at least we got some sacks out of it. 

I blame Jeffrey Lurie. Whose idea do you think it was to not to sign any free agent receivers, besides Reuben Randle? 

I blame the Eagles’ receivers, who are actually making me miss the reliability of James Thrash, Na Brown and Todd Pinkston. Nelson Agholor should be waived, and have his hands surgically removed on the way out so no other team ever goes near him. Jordan Matthews should be a #4. I don’t even know who or what Bryce Treggs is. And why not a single throw to the Chosen One, Superstar Paul Turner? 

I blame Josh Huff. Not only was he dumb enough to get arrested speeding with marijuana, AND a gun AND hollow-point bullets, but he was going over 100 AWAY from Philadelphia. At least when Jahlil Okafor got popped, he was speeding towards the city… 

I blame Fletcher Cox and Vinny Curry. The lesson is clear: Never, ever give defensive players money. 

I blame Lane Johnson. No, I don’t mind football players using PEDs. Hell, I don’t even really mind four-game suspensions. But ten games? You're just hurting your team at that point. 

I blame Cheerleaders Gentlemen’s Club. As a caller to the morning show said Tuesday, neither Agholor, Fletcher Cox or Connor Barwin has been the same player since they visited Cheerleaders that day. 

I blame Carson Wentz. No, it’s not his fault, and he's in a pretty hopeless situation. But the great ones find a way. 

I blame Chip Kelly. For obvious reasons. 

And of course, I blame Donovan McNabb. 

So no, no playoffs this year. But hey- at least we have a high draft pick to look forward to… 

Oh, that’s right. Dammit. 

 

Other Philly sports takes: 

- Sure, it would have been nice to see Jeremiah Trotter and Merrill Reese enter the Eagles Hall of Fame on national television. But I get it- it was more important for ESPN to show Stephen A. Smith screaming for five minutes instead. 

- I call on President Obama to grant Bill “El Wingador” Simmons a full and complete pardon before he leaves office. Then again, the new guy might be a better bet, since he comes across as more of a Wing Bowl Commissioner than a president. 

- Speaking of which, I appreciate the morning show, this week, giving us a break from the failures of that loser Nelson Agholor, in favor of the Wing Bowl hopeful who vowed to eat four pounds of mayonnaise. 

- Now that Joel Embiid is back, what’s the harm in playing him 40 minutes a night? Minutes restrictions are for wusses. 

- With all the progress in the sports world these days, I’m disappointed that it took until 2016 for an NHL team to start a Jersey native at goalie. 

- Who’s Howie Kendrick? Wake me up when the Phillies get Mike Trout. 

Follow @FakeWIPCaller on Twitter. 

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