The two things I find most disgusting in this world are mushrooms and the Dallas Cowboys’ star logo. The star has become representative of the nauseating “America’s Team” mantra that the franchise has been peddling for the last half-century. The sanctimonious way that the Dallas star is held up as this pure, essential element of the sport only furthers my loathing for the Cowboys organization as a whole.
They are not America’s Team.
The Dallas star stands in defiance of everything that’s good in life while being characteristic of the greed and evil that has populated our culture. I hate it. It deserves to be stomped on.
During the Cowboys’ home Monday Night Football matchup back in Week 9, Titans All-Pro safety Kevin Byard sprinted to midfield after picking off Dak Prescott to celebrate on the obnoxious Dallas star with some of his teammates. This homage to the infamous 2000 celebration from Terrell Owens, that guy who used to do sit-ups in his driveway in Moorestown, New Jersey, led to Cowboys cornerback Byron Jones running onto the field to break up the fun. After the game, Jones said, “There’s no need for it,” with the same disdain usually saved for when your dog goes to the bathroom in the kitchen while you’re out at ShopRite.
Monday Night Football color commentator and former Cowboys tight end Jason Witten, who has the personality of a 6-foot-6 jar of mayonnaise with a $10 rug on his head, had a conniption on-air and said that Byard doing that showed “disrespect” and warned against opposing players repeating Byard’s actions in the future.
Celebrating on the star clearly makes Dallas players both past and present irate, which, as any good troll can tell you, makes doing it even more fun. Who’s the biggest troll on the Eagles who can bring out that kind of fury from the Cowboys this week? Golden Tate.
Last week, the boring, level-headed, rational fan in me thought he was beginning to see the reality of the Tate trade: this Eagles team, with a million holes on both sides of the ball, just traded away a Day 2 pick for a gadget player who offensive coordinator Mike Groh couldn’t figure out how to use, as if Tate was a book of instructions from IKEA written in Portuguese.
Monday night, however, the out-of-control, insane, mouth-breathing fan in me reared his head again: Tate is a much-needed weapon who the Eagles are finally incorporating into their game plan correctly. He did The Worm (THE WORM!) after scoring his first touchdown in midnight green. How can you top The Worm? In most cases, you can never top The Worm. Tate, however, has one potential touchdown celebration in his arsenal to do so: disrespect the Dallas star.
Tate is a complete jackal on the field and I mean that with the highest praise. He’s from a line of brash ball-catchers like Steve Smith, Jeremy Shockey, Hines Ward and Keyshawn Johnson — all guys you’d pledge eternal loyalty toward if they’re on your team or players you’d hate with every bone of your body if they’re not.
While Tate was essentially invisible during the Eagles’ Week 10 matchup against the Cowboys, he eviscerated their secondary in Dallas for eight catches, 132 yards and two tuddies back when he was still a Detroit Lion in Week 4. Maybe Tate turns back into a pumpkin on Sunday despite his breakout performance this past week, but I believe he has the requisite juice to get under the Cowboys players’ skins and set the tone for a season-defining Eagles win.
The Eagles got The Golden Tate Game against Washington. For the sake of annoying every player to ever put on the Cowboys’ repulsive star-covered helmets, I hope the sequel is coming on Sunday.
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