5 wholly unrealistic yet still very fun Washington mock drafts

/ by Peter Hailey
Presented By Ourisman Automotive of Virginia

April is the month for mocking, thanks to the obsession over the NFL Draft. But how about, just once, we mock all the mocking?

By now, with the draft less than two weeks away, you're familiar with all the scenarios that are in play for the Washington Football Team, as well as all the prospects they've been linked to. You've come across countless projections of what Ron Rivera's club could add in the event, all of which are hoping to be as accurate as possible.

And if you're looking for more of that here, then you can go ahead, collect your things and bounce now. There's no room for realism in this story.

Below, you'll find five Washington mock drafts that are certain to never happen. However, they're also certainly entertaining. 

So, thank you to the PFF simulator for not banning me from the site as I was going about this exercise — their algorithm was definitely quite confused — and thank you in advance for praising the revolutionary thinking you're about to encounter.

Once you're done checking this out, you can send all your GM interview requests to my agent. I just have to find an agent first.

Getting (the opposite of) clever for Trevor

You're welcome, Urban Meyer

If you're tired of hearing about the RG3 trade — which was almost a decade ago! — boy, do I have the deal for you.

That blockbuster looks like a lunch table deal compared to this move, which nets Washington the Clemson star in exchange for three first-rounders and seven other selections. 

Hey, give credit to the Jags; they drove a hard bargain. 


A quarterback bonanza 

Why try to pick the right QB when you can just pick all of 'em?

Washington's been searching for its long-term QB for years and years. That's why, in this go-round, I drafted the top passer available at every slot, until there were simply no more to choose from.

One of them would pan out, right? Right?

Beefing up the lines

This bunch is heavy on talent. Also, they're heavy talent

If football actually is won in the trenches, then Rivera and Washington would become the first ever 20-0 operation after acquiring all these linemen.

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The All-Carolina crew

Everyone could commute up to DC together

We already know that Washington's coach has a thing for Carolina, but he's mostly displayed that affinity through his hires on the sidelines and in the front office. Here, he makes it a point to direct that pipeline toward the field.

And if you're wondering why there's a Pittsburgh player amongst all the products from Carolina schools, well, that's because Pitt's mascot is a Panther. Duh.

No such thing as too many third-rounders

You gotta know your strengths

The Terry McLaurin and Antonio Gibson home runs have caused some to joke that the Burgundy and Gold should only take prospects in the third round. I wasn't joking around in this mock, however.

Whenever I possibly could during the course of this draft, I made a trade that landed more third-round capital. In the end, I was able to grab four players in that range in 2021, and I also secured four more third-round choices for the 2022 and 2023 events.

Like I said, talk to my agent. He/she will answer once they learn about their new client.