Some baseball reporters laugh, others may roll their eyes.
They all interact with MLB super agent Scott Boras in the offseason, as he holds major bargaining chips in free agency every year. And each winter, he crafts off-the-wall one-liners to describe his clients and their negotiations with teams.
They are often funny, sometimes bizarre but always, to his credit, fairly creative. Here are some examples:
On the Marlins tanking: “The fans of Florida have certainly brought the MIA to Miami.”
On Stephen Strasburg's free agency: "I guess in the oceans of the playoffs, the Strasburg sank many contending ships."
On Anthony Rendon's free agency: “Rendon’s built a throne there. William and Harry should be worried.”
On Bryce Harper's free agency: “Well, certainly Harper’s bazaar has begun. It’s fashionable, it’s historical, it’s elite, global certainly. And certainly it has inspirations that deal with great shoes and great hair, inspirations on the part of Bryce.”
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On the Mets in 2017: “It’s about the choice not to pay. They’re not living in the gated community of Playoff-Ville... Certainly the Mets, they have all the materials to live in the palatial estate of Playoff-Ville... The question is, when do they choose to begin construction?”
On the Mets in 2014: "They've went more to the 'ready-foods section.'"
Then-Mets GM Sandy Alderson, in reponse: "Boras has been shopping near the meat section. That's where he gets his bull----."
On the Mets in 2013: “The Mets are like NASA... They have big rockets, a lot of platforms and very few astronauts. Astronauts are hard to find. They’ve got one guy with the Wright Stuff and a lot of Arm-strongs but they need more astronauts.”
You get the point. With all of these one-liners, clearly Boras puts some thought into them. So, we asked him about it all when he joined a recent episode of the 'Nationals Talk' podcast.
His answer did not disappoint.
"We deal with journalists over the years and, particularly when we get to the Hot Stove portion of it and the games over, the journalists are digging on probably the most difficult parts of their job which are covering contracts and talking about the business of baseball. I think they all enjoy the game a lot more like we all do," he said.
"So, I've always tried to make sure when looking at this, that we can all share a moment if you will among ourselves year after year to break the monotony of the patterned negotiating and valuation concepts to bring a little bit of flavor to it. Essentially, I call it Reporter Sauce. The burger's a little bit bland. But when you add a little ketchup and mustard on it, all of a sudden it's our way of providing a needed condiment to the dry hamburger of the offseason."
He has a metaphor for everything, apparently. But, hey, a hamburger with sauce is certainly better than one without it.
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