Much like Kirk Cousins did many, many times the previous night against the Packers, I made a really good decision on Monday afternoon.
The choice came following my afternoon class at the University of Maryland, while trying to figure out what I wanted for lunch. And though the idea of eating yet another peanut butter sandwich or bowl of macaroni and cheese was really tantalizing (it wasn't, by the way. I've eaten more peanut butter sandwiches in the last week than Ryan Fitzpatrick has interceptions on the season), I knew I wanted something more.
Fortunately, as I was thinking my options over, this Papa John's tweet happened to place its delicious little self on my timeline. It was at that moment that one thing became very clear to me: I was going to celebrate one of the more satisfying Burgundy and Gold-colored victories in recent memory by plopping down on my apartment's couch and eating an ungodly amount of pizza.
As soon as I walked through my door, I fetched my laptop and began game planning for the meal like a young(er) Sean McVay. I then went to Papa John's' website to place my order, only to find out I could only request 10 toppings.
Thinking this was perhaps just a site issue, I called and was told the same thing (note: The reason the toppings are capped at 10 is to ensure all toppings are fully cooked through). Still in McVay mode, I realized I could audible and just scrounge up two extra toppings from what I had lying around.
I finally placed the order. Looking back now, I wish I asked the guy on the other end of the line, "HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW?" His answer probably would've been, "Not very much, because you just ordered an obnoxiously large pizza," but it still would've been funny.
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As the pizza was being built — a pizza with a regular amount of toppings is "made," but one with 10+ is "built." That's a little known fact, so just wanted to explain it — one of my roommates and I began searching for the last two add-ons. Among those nominated: Pop-Tarts, Ritz crackers, Cheerios and a drizzling of beer. We eventually settled on potato chips and carrots.
45 minutes later, after tossing those ingredients on top of the bacon, pepperoni, sausage, pineapple, green peppers, onions, grilled chicken, tomatoes, mushrooms and Canadian bacon, I was staring at a pie that looked just as pretty as a Jamison Crowder touchdown:
Out of the eight slices, I had five (each of my three roommates got one to sample, partly because I was in a good, #VictoryMonday mood and partly because I generally try to avoid gaining large amounts of weight in 15 minutes). And, to my surprise, it was actually quite good.
At the start, I was worried that the sheer amount of opposing flavors — plus the somewhat questionable looking carrots, which came from a fridge that hasn't been cleaned in far too long — would lead to a cluttered taste, but that ended up not being the case at all. In a fitting twist, the pizza resembled the Redskins offense versus the Packers: Each topping, like Cousins and each pass receiver and running back, contributed to an overall successful finish.
As I wrap up this blog, I'm about an hour past my last bite. My stomach has certainly felt better, but in a way, it hasn't, either. That's because, despite advertising a deal for 12 toppings, Papa John's is actually one off.
The pizza I ate had 13 toppings — with the 13th being sweet, sweet victory.